A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Mon/Fri 9am-6pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-6pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Knowing where he lives

  • Mummy TC
  • Mummy TC's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
26 Mar 12 #320203 by Mummy TC
Topic started by Mummy TC
Do I have a right to know where my ex lives? Ex has just moved in with new partner and I have no idea where he lives now - how near/far, general region even. Ex is refusing to give any information. I have asked very nicely and explained honestly and clearly that I''d like to know in case of emergency and also so that my son feels he can talk openly about his time with his dad and the places he goes (he''s 4). There''s times when I''d like to suggest meeting half way, but I don''t know where half is! Ex does collect and drop my son off and has regular contact on alternate weekends. The fact that he is outright refusing to tell me - and has said he won''t tell me - makes me fear for where he is taking her. He is buildling a web of lies about not trusting me and therefore not giving it to me.

  • TBagpuss
  • TBagpuss's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
27 Mar 12 #320232 by TBagpuss
Reply from TBagpuss
You don''t have an automatic right to know where your ex lives, but it is entirely reasonable for you to know where your daughteris staying, just as it is reasonable for her dad to know where she is living during the week.

  • vivi36
  • vivi36's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
27 Mar 12 #320234 by vivi36
Reply from vivi36
I totally sympathise M. My x refuses to tell me where he lives too. Crazy crazy crazy! I''ve been separated 7 years. We''ve both moved on with shiny new relationships but still he won''t say.

A couple of years ago he started have black outs and panic attacks and was hospitalised on several occassions, poorly to the extent that his driving lisence was revoked!. He still point blank refused to tell me where he took our kids! Since the age of 4 my daughter has known my mobile no off by heart and emergency services. Last year she took me on a drive by past his house and has pointed out where his gf lives.

Why do these idiots even think that we give a damn? And why can''t they apprieciate the importance? Like Bagpuss says I''m sure he would kick off if the boot was on the other foot.

xx

  • Mummy TC
  • Mummy TC's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
27 Mar 12 #320337 by Mummy TC
Reply from Mummy TC
do you think there is any point in getting official legal advice or will it be a waste of time?

V - thanks for the empathy. Glad I''m not the only one. Surely in your case you would have strong legal grounds to know where he is as your kids safety is at stake!?

  • mumtoboys
  • mumtoboys's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
27 Mar 12 #320342 by mumtoboys
Reply from mumtoboys
I have the same issue - my solicitor said that if it got to court (again), 2 out of 3 local judges would 100% say that he should give his address and the other was 80% likely to say he should. I think the younger the child is, the more it matters as they find it harder than an older child to go out and look at street signs or just to have a general idea of where they should something happen. It does work both ways but unfortunately it''s a control issue and they just don''t seem able to get over themselves, do they?!

  • Mummy TC
  • Mummy TC's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
27 Mar 12 #320345 by Mummy TC
Reply from Mummy TC
You''re totally right, it is about control - nothing else. I am at least a little reassured to know that I''m not the only with a controlling ex nutter. It complete messes with my head and he knows it. Just not what I need as I am just starting to rebuild and move on. Surely they can understand it is for our children''s safety and in the interests of honesty and re-building trust.

Interesting to hear that there are judges who would rule in our favour. I was told by my first solicitor - as I was having a complete melt down in her office over not knowing where my 9 month old baby was being taken - that, as long as I have a mobile phone number, I have sufficient contact details in the eyes of the law and he is not obliged to give me any more information. These words have been ringing in my ears for the past 3 years.

  • vivi36
  • vivi36's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
27 Mar 12 #320363 by vivi36
Reply from vivi36
I went to Social services and asked for supervised access or use of the contact centre. My ex is in the Army. The Social listened to what I had to say and said they would speak to their contact on camp. Which ever dick head they spoke to said that they didn''t have an issue with him (they thought they were helping him out) and told the Social that I was one of those bitter x wives. I made a point of taking all the names and said that if anything happened to my kids in his care then I would be gunning for them. I don''t know what happened from there but my x then cancelled quite alot of contact weekends.
The other thing was that when we were in court and he was trying to say he mentally unstable and proberly unemployable when he left service I bought all this up.

Sorry to go off post

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11