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A strange but tricky situation

  • Chris E
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27 May 12 #333313 by Chris E
Topic started by Chris E

Been looking all over for advice as I feel that I''m not getting told the truth from my solicitor and CAFCASS.

This is my 1st post and will likely be a long one, for that I''m sorry.

Back in 2002 I was living in a hostel where I met the mother of my oldest daughter, She fell pregnant in the hostel and we eventually had to move to private accommodation.

We then moved to a local council house once my daughter was born.

18 months after my daughter was born my Ex-partner moved out of our family home as quiet frankly it just was not working between us, she was a very violent and aggressive person and even though I was registered as a victim of Domestic Violence it was never followed up by police/hospital (No one ever wants to believe a male can be a victim).

I took my ex to court and was granted Parental Responsibility and a contact order of noon Friday - 4 pm Sunday every weekend.

when my daughter was 3 1/2 she met someone else fell pregnant with his child than moved in with him.

Immediately after her moving in with him I received a letter from CSA saying i owed 2 years of back pay as I was paying her cash in hand and she told them I had paid nothing.

Anyway since her and this new man moved in together I had to take her back to court after she would stop contact,and eventually after court hearings i would get a variation on the orders and my time with my daughter became less and less from over night contact to just recently 10am-4pm Saturdays only.

2 years ago my Ex and her new partner got married, I must point out that even though they were married it was still only me and mum that had parental responsibility.

On 21st March my ex passed away suddenly and unexpected at the age of 29 leaving behind her husband my daughter and their daughter.

I got informed by my ex''s sister turning up at my door on the 22nd March at 7:15am, I obviously inquired about my daughter and said that I would contact her later that day to have a chat with her.

I tried to contact my daughter all day and the rest of the next day(Friday).

I got worried about my daughter (as any father would in the situation) and contacted the police to visit the family home and check she was OK, they wouldn''t do anything unless social services agreed to make contact first, which they did.

They were told on the phone that (the husband) had applied for an Ex-parte residence order on Friday morning (36 hours after the wife passed away), and I received a copy of his application 3 days later which quiet frankly was a load of lies.

He stated on mums death bed she said she wanted him to have my daughter, that I had refused mediation in the past, and that they lived in a stable loving home.

4 days before she died she sent messages to friends that she was leaving him, they had moved 7 times in 5 years (on his application he put his current address and one they lived at 4 years before).

He also put that I have a bad relationship with my daughter.

We both attended court 2 weeks from the Friday and the judge ordered that my daughter stay where she was for now and that a "thoughts and feelings report" would be done before we returned to court.

The husband agreed in front of the judge to attend mediation and see if we could come to an agreement as to what was going to happen to my daughter, He was also given a very very strong telling off by the judge as he had stopped contact the weekend I was supposed to have my daughter and was told to ensure contact would take place.

The next time I was due to have contact with my daughter I received a messaged (via Face book) from my daughter auntie saying my daughter did not want to come visit me, I re-iterated what the judge said and she seemed to be looking for reasons to stop contact and even tried to get me to have contact at her house with auntie there present.

I stuck by my guns and eventually got contact, which has always gone well and no issues have ever arisen.

I went to mediation and done all that I was supposed to do but received a letter back saying "unfortunately mediation is not suitable at this time" I contacted the mediator and they told me that the husband had refused to go at all.

In the meantime i was blocked from my EX''s face book by the husband and he put up the funeral arrangements, one of the stipulations of the funeral was "NO flowers" bring money for the kids, which would be used for clothes toys, trips, days out etc, and he eventually set up a "trust fund" for the money to go into.

My daughter has told me since they have over £800 to split between them on anything they like, they have been promised holidays abroad, new toys every other day, Dancing lessons and the list goes on, all of which was done to "persuade" my daughter she was better off there.

The day before the Cafcass officer arranged to come out to visit, the husband phoned them up saying my daughter had requested a female officer.

Since mediation I have tried to get a meeting with the Cafcass officer before their meeting with my daughter to raise the concerns I have with the way she is being raised at the moment.

Eventually 2 weeks ago the case was allocated on a Thursday, my daughter was rushed in to have her interview, She had one with the Husband and one alone, The next day she contacted me to inform me she had done the interview.

I asked where my meeting was and got the response "If I met everyone in a case i would never have any free time for myself" I stood gob smacked! so i proceeded to raise all the issues I had to be knocked down by the officer saying thats not relevant (He is drinking all the time and smoking drugs in front of my daughter, but thats not relevant).

I finally have the report and to be quiet frank it''s not worth the paper it was written on, ALL dates on the report are wrong(including dates of things done before mum even passed away), none of my concerns are on there, And really all that it says is my daughter is happy where she is (Obviously!! she''s being bought, she wont want to move) and that they met with him (yet refused me is not in the report).

The report was rushed as she was allocated it on 10th May got my daughter in the same day, done the Safeguarding checks the following week (I had to phone her as she said she would phone me the Monday, left it to Friday and phone her) and she had to have the report completed and into court for the 23rd, there is nothing about her family, about me or what she does when she is with me, its ALL about him.

A lot of his parenting issues i have is, the drinking (He sends my daughter to his aunties every weekend so he can socialize), he smokes in front of her, he has made her pick up cat mess from the garden, she is left to do as she pleases sending me messages at 11-12 o''clock at night on face book on school nights, she is turning up to me in dirty, torn worn clothes.
He has shown he cannot cope financially as he has technically begged for help with things a father should pay for when he set up a "trust fund".

What rights do I have at court, can I get this sham of a report thrown out?

Since the day her mum died it''s been lie after lie by him, and they have done their up most to make my daughter stay where she is.

Sorry its a long one but I just wanted to see if anyone had any advice on the matter before court on Thursday.


  • BoysMum
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27 May 12 #333332 by BoysMum
Reply from BoysMum

What a dreadful situation to be in. I cannot begin to imagine the turmoil your in.

Sadly, I cannot offer any Legal Advice but i''m sure somebody else will be able to.

I wish you all the best for you and your daughter.xx

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