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Children want to live with dad

  • upforair
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07 Aug 13 #403613 by upforair
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My ex is wanting kids to live with him. He has taken children to visit schools near him and is putting a lot of pressure on them to move.This he wants by beginning of September.My girls are moving into high school and my son is going into last year in primary. He really has been trying to convince them for months and it may be that they go. However he was a drinker, his house has only two bedrooms ( I had to have 3 as resident parent) and children do not know he is a cross-dresser. I feel they should be told before they go. He is very manipulative, but also I worry about his mental health and his ability to look after the children. I think he may take this to court and I may have to self represent as I can''t afford a solicitor.Would it be better to go to court and have CAFCASS involved?

  • perin123
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07 Aug 13 #403615 by perin123
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Hi sorry you are going through all this.

Do your children all want to go live with their dad? Do you live near each other?

  • Lostboy67
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07 Aug 13 #403617 by Lostboy67
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Hi
I am not sure what difference him being a cross-dresser makes, and I don''t think its your place to tell the children.
The fact that the house only has two bedrooms would be a concern as the would appear to be one bedroom too few.
What are the current contact arrangements, and how close do you live to him.
The children are getting to an age where their views would carry some weight in court, do they wish to move? What would contact arrangements be *if* they move ?

LB

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07 Aug 13 #403632 by upforair
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We live 3 hours from their dad. the girls have said they do want to move, my son has said very little about moving though he would want to go with his sisters. Whilst being a cross dresser in itself may not be an issue their dad said they can make a reasoned decision however, they should be informed by him about his lifestyle choice. the children see their dad every second weekend and more than half the holidays. their opinions and feelings do matter but I feel he is pushing them. He was like that with me when we were together and always kept on until he got what he wanted. I just don''t feel he has their best interests at heart.

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08 Aug 13 #403644 by Stumpylad70
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I know it must be difficult for you, especially if its your ex manipulating their naive natures. But as a non resident father myself, I would move heaven and earth to have my son live with me. He is all I have in a lot of way apart from my job. And I do have a lot of reasons that I would like to push for that, though I wont.

The main reason though is I love my son dearly. And I hate seeing what his mother is doing to him. Its not that she neglects him, so much as she either uses him as a weapon or regards him as a cash cow.

The other reason is and I am being very blunt here, the guy she ran off with is nothing more than trash. There have been a couple of disturbing reports I have heard back from various quarters. So bad in fact that my son told me that he doesnt like him, and I dint put any pressure on him or ask, he just volunteered the information. My step son doesnt like him and is now moving in with his grandmother.

I am in no ways a perfect father. I wish I was, but I am trying my best. I only want my son with me because I love him. I would like to think your ex loves his children too. Because I can assure you, being apart from your kids hurts, and it hurts every day.

Though from what you have said, I am inclined to agree, he is trying to manipulate things.

  • CakesandFlowers
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08 Aug 13 #403658 by CakesandFlowers
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I''m sorry but being a cross dresser 1) has nothing to do with it and 2) it most certainly is not your place to say anything and if you did it could certainly be seen as vindictive and manipulative on your part to get them to stay with you.

At the end of the day he is there father and they would like to go and live with them. As hard as it maybe for you this is a situation that numerous NRP fathers have to deal with all of the time.

  • hawaythelads
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08 Aug 13 #403660 by hawaythelads
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You said the two daughters don''t want to go and live with him and your son ain''t bothered and wants to stay with his sisters.
So there''s no problem. He can want them to go live with him.He can also want the moon on a stick.
He''s gonna be out of luck on both counts.
Call me unpolitically correct,please please do because feck help me when I actually agree with all the liberalist brainwashing hoisted upon me nowadays, but whether Daddy turns up dressed as Arthur or Martha at the school gates would be a biggie in a teenagers embarrasment mental angsty type levels.

All the best
HRH x

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