A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020
Mon/Fri 9am-8pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-8pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

How to apply variation n how to fight this?

  • letmebe
  • letmebe's Avatar Topic Author
  • Expert Boarder
  • Expert Boarder
More
6 years 2 months ago #439197 by letmebe
Hi,

I''m mum of 3, a girl age 10, and 2 boys age 9 and 4. Divorced 4 months a go and got shared residency . We have a week each with the children. The boys seems ok with the arrangement but not my daughter the oldest.
She hate being there with him, not because she hate him but I think because she knows what he done to us, what a liar and nasty he is.
The often got smack just because they back chat, or disrespect his partner. His partner is used to be my best friend and the having an affair.

His recent act is, he taking my daughter for counselling just because he think she should be a child rather than worrying about me. Of course my daughter didn''t want to go but he said he will smack her if she didn''t go.
My ex is very manipulative, and he didn''t care about the children, he refused to pay the children school activities at school living me have to pay all ( as we have 50-50 custody so he should pay half as well).

My daughter want to live with me but I don''t know what to do or where to start? The court was finalised this February. And I''m not allowed to appeal . But I think I can apply for variation.
I''m thinking to do it myself as my solicitor was rubbish, but need lots of advise please

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • miss shy
  • miss shy's Avatar
  • Senior Boarder
  • Senior Boarder
More
6 years 2 months ago #440506 by miss shy
Replied by miss shy on topic Re:How to apply variation n how to fight this?
Hi sounds like you had a terrible time of things lately, your ex sounds bout the same as my ex threating your daughter with a smack if she doesnt do what he says.i was told to leave my ex by the police because it wasnt safe for me and my girls to be at the house with him, I always no that when I left I wouldnt go back.it sounds like your better off on your own he likes to be in control too be sounds of it.i went to court recently a solicitor waste of money to didnt do anything for me at all.just believed what caf cass had to say and they didnt do anything just listen to lies from my ex.and my daughter doesnt want to see her dad bless her but my solicitor said I had to force my girls to go a see him.i said you cant force a child to go if they dont want to.like you say these courts are a nightmare its an uphill struggle and if you appeal its more money that you have tk find I nrver thought it woild be as bad as this.good luck with it all hope it works out for you in the end.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • MrsMathsisfun
  • MrsMathsisfun's Avatar
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
More
6 years 2 months ago #440519 by MrsMathsisfun
Replied by MrsMathsisfun on topic Re:How to apply variation n how to fight this?
Its still early days and dont think a court would be impressed with a request for a variation already.

Sounds like different parenting skills that is at heart of issue.Read the article called the transition bridge and see how you can support your daughter with the arrangement rather than causing more conflict through the courts.Its the conflict that harms children not the contact arrangements.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • miss shy
  • miss shy's Avatar
  • Senior Boarder
  • Senior Boarder
More
6 years 2 months ago #440558 by miss shy
Replied by miss shy on topic Re:How to apply variation n how to fight this?
Hi sounds like you had a terrible time of things lately, your ex sounds bout the same as my ex threating your daughter with a smack if she doesnt do what he says.i was told to leave my ex by the police because it wasnt safe for me and my girls to be at the house with him, I always no that when I left I wouldnt go back.it sounds like your better off on your own he likes to be in control too be sounds of it.i went to court recently a solicitor waste of money to didnt do anything for me at all.just believed what caf cass had to say and they didnt do anything just listen to lies from my ex.and my daughter doesnt want to see her dad bless her but my solicitor said I had to force my girls to go a see him.i said you cant force a child to go if they dont want to.like you say these courts are a nightmare its an uphill struggle and if you appeal its more money that you have tk find I nrver thought it woild be as bad as this.good luck with it all hope it works out for you in the end.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • letmebe
  • letmebe's Avatar Topic Author
  • Expert Boarder
  • Expert Boarder
More
6 years 1 month ago #441036 by letmebe
Hi Miss Shy,

Thank you for your reply. Reading your story it''s really exactly the same with what happened to me. Yes I''m moved on now, but seeing my children like this I can''t help but thinking that this didn''t work for them? My solicitor said to give it 6 months and it''s been six month now, and if I decided to do it I will have to do it myself.

Hope you are well x

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • miss shy
  • miss shy's Avatar
  • Senior Boarder
  • Senior Boarder
More
6 years 1 month ago #441147 by miss shy
Replied by miss shy on topic Re:How to apply variation n how to fight this?
Hi yes it realy is hard and its like at the end of the day you want whats best for your children but its like one big nightmare and for me I had a couple of solicitors and basicaly they said I believe you then you get to court and I took prove of everything my paper work from ex solicitor was all wrong dates times everything now I think its all been a waste of time I left that day on police advice and nobody will get in touch with the officer.my last solicitor said hes got a bill for court costs bout 3000 pound that I have to pay.my life with ex was always bout money.he would buy designer clothes for him and I had to go without myself to buy children things I made a life for myself and he doesnt like it I had a lucky escape just glad I plucked up courage to leave.some people cant leave and I wish I could do more to help others like me and you.i am in court again next month but im not paying a useless solicitor again im going alone.but im getting tired of all this its about time these courts listen to these victims.i wish you luck with everything and keep in touch let me know how its going im always here and so nice to hear from you
Take care hope to hear from you soon.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11