Help please !!

Hi,
Just after some advice please. I have split with my ex over 5 years ago, we have one daughter who is 11 years old who I see every sat & Sunday. However my ex is controlling who she is allowed to see when she''s with me & where im allowed to take her. I find this incredibly frustrating as she is missing out on lots of stuff. Does she have legal right to do this? We were never married. This has now got worse as I have been seeing someone for the last 6 months. Obviously in the next few months years my new partner & daughter are going to ''bump'' into each other at social gatherings ect & I do not want to lie to my daughter (or her mum for that matter) or have to lead separate lives No really sure the best way of approaching this? Any help would be gladly appreciated.

Hi,

When it is your contact time with your daughter, you can decide where you take her, what you do with her and who she comes into contact with. Your ex cannot dictate to you while she is in your care in your contact time. Suppose the shoe was on the other foot. I am sure you don''t leave details of where she may go and whom she may see when she is with your ex.

Hat off to you though for putting up with it for so long now. It is utterly ridiculous that you are trying to live 2 lives. Providing your daughter is safe, which of course she is, you can do whatever you like with her in your contact time.

You could talk to your ex about your intention to introduce your daughter to your partner. Of course it goes without saying that you will need to make a gentle introduction and build on it. If your ex doesn''t agree, which by the sounds of it she won''t, there is little she can do about it.

Keep us posted on how things pan out.

Many thanks for the reply. I want to meet up with my ex (and her family if this helps) to try & talk through this, im not after plonking my daughter straight into a stranger''s (to her) life just maybe at a family BBQ where they will both be there with other people (and lots of kids) for a couple of hours every few weeks & then slowly build up over many months !!. ..however she is dimissing this ..so maybe meditation is the only way forward??

Hi,

Do you have a contact order or is your contact just a mutual agreement?

Just a mutual agreement.

Well done for wanting to introduce your gf slowly.

I wouldn''t involve ex. Its nothing to do with her or her family. If you have pr and you have exactly the same rights as her mum.

I hadn''t realised that you had already tried discussing it with your ex. You say she dismissed the idea, so in all honesty, going to mediation probably isn''t going to change her mindset. I would just go along with your plans. Make the gradual introduction, and enjoy the freedom. Your contact time is so valuable to you, don''t be restricted by only doing activities that your ex says you can do. Do everything you want to, and more! Childhood goes in a flash, enjoy every moment you have with your daughter.