Ex wants to change my children''s name

Hi Guys

I am new the the site 3

I have been separated ( never married ) from my ex for a number of years. My 2 kids are 11 and 10.

They have both got my surname. I have PR and am on both BC''s.

Recently after years of separation I have am to get married to another person whom I have been with for over five years.

Since I have announced this the kids biological Mum has hit the roof and today threatened me that if I don''t agree to a double barrel name she will go to the court to get mine removed completely and just have her surname.

TBH since my announcement her attitude towards me has deteriotated quite considerably and is affecting the children.

I am concerned on so many levels especially as my eldest is off to secondary school very soon and just doesn''t need this.

Does anyone know if she can do this?.

Thank you in advance

Hi, sorry to hear you are going through this, it never seems to end does it? Slightly different way round but hope it helps.

My daughter wanted to change her surname from her Fathers to match that of my second husbands (the reasons for it are a different story). After much research we found we could do it via deed poll if her Father agreed. At first he understandably denied her the permission, however after a year of asking (pleading) we had to tell him we were prepared to take it to the family court as this was the only way we could do it and it was becoming a real issue for my daughter.

He was understandably upset but when he realised how serious she was and that the court was likely to listen to her views and grant in her favour (she was 12) he agreed. We changed it via deed poll but we had to have a signed agreement from her father.

It''s my understanding after much research that your ex could only legally change their surname if
a) you give written consent and its done via deed poll
b) by taking it to court in which case it would be because it''s what your children want not their mother & it can be proved it would cause considerable psychological damage they didn''t get a name change
c) they reach age 16 and can decide themselves

I hope this helps, don''t feel bullied into agreeing, my ex tried to bully my daughter into keeping her surname and it caused a lot of distress. She is so much happier now and more comfortable with her identity, never underestimate the importance of a name and its associated identity, agreeing to the change could cause upset for your children their Mum hasn''t yet considered.

Thanks for your time Jacey

It''s much appreciated.

It is all very stressful. My kids have started asking me questions which makes it very obvious she is trying to manipulate them into changing and I agree with you it is already affecting them.

I don''t know where to turn. She has threatened me with a court order just like that out of the blue.

This is all new to me and she is telling me I have no rights and she has been researching and I don''t have a leg to stand on.


Thanks for your input.

Keep strong in my experience you definitely have the legs to stand on. It is not easy to get a child''s name changed & she will have to prove its in the children''s best interest. It''s certainly not a given it will be agreed & your children''s views will be taken into consideration if she ever takes it that far.

The court will consider Whether you have regular contact with your children & if you have paid regular child support, if you can say yes to both her chances are even less.

Good luck and remember it''s the children that will be affected the most, maybe she needs reminded of this.

Fortunately my son has a shared residence order of his boys. Surnames in this case can''t be changed until the boys reach the age of 16. His ex. has now remarried but my son would strongly object if his tried to change the surname of his children.

A shared residence order - now a child arrangements order - does not prevent changing the name but it does mean the father''s consent in writing is required; otherwise the case has to go to court.
The mother will have to show that the change of name is in the children''s best interest and the change will actively improve the children''s welfare in some way; she must also show that registration in the original names was wrong for some reason.
Punishing you for having a new relationship is not a valid reason to change the names.