Two children 2&4
New house beginning of last year
Once I had finished work I have always return home to look after the children to give my wife breathing space. However over the past year this breathing space grow and grow. I have now found out she wishes to get divorce, she has been seeing someone else and wishes to have me out of the house as I am causing issues with the children’s behaviour (I believes she struggles with them, they are children and they play up however it is easier to blame me).
I have an appointment with a solicitor next week to file for divorce however she is changing her mind and moving things fast.
I really wish to stay for the children’s sake.
My question is should I stay and deal with her anger and mental abuse or leave?
This is never an easy decision to make, Monkey Foot.
If you stay it is likely that Mum will attempt to have you forced out - she can apply for an occupation order which will bar you from entering the house and is often accompanied by a non-molestation order. Neither is easy to deal with and both can cause problems later down the line if you find it necessary to apply for a child arrangements order.
If you leave it can also cause problems; you will lose your bargaining position and it can be presented as you abandoning your children, you will hand the Mother de facto custody, you will become liable for child and spousal support, you will lose your home and you will lose any possessions you leave behind. If you want to retrieve anything you will have to negotiate a time with the mother or with her solicitors and you may have to provide proof of ownership. You will also leave room for your wife to move her new man. Is this an environment in which you want to leave your children?
On balance you should stay - since it is your wife who wishes to end the relationship it should be her who moves out. Have you considered mediation or counselling through Relate? Ideally you need to resolve these issues before progressing with the divorce.
Discuss your options with your solicitor, but be proactive and take any steps you need to take in order to protect your children and your relationship with them.
Ideally you need to resolve these issues before progressing with the divorce.Discuss your options with your solicitor, but be proactive and take any steps you need to take in order to protect your children and your relationship with them.