A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Chances of 50:50 for a father

  • rubytuesday
  • rubytuesday's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
19 Jul 16 #481474 by rubytuesday
Reply from rubytuesday
StunnedDad wrote:

I feel it is done for financial reasons. We had worked out a 50:50 plan as we live very near each other and the school they go to. Only reasons now being given are its not best interests for the children. She knows I can provide for them better than she can.


It's not a competition and it's not about who can provide more in terms of financial support or provision.

Start focusing on what your children need rather than on what you think your ex is doing or thinking. What exactly are your proposed arrangements beyond a percentage split of your children's time? Is it that you are still keen to enact the previous agreement you had with your ex? What counter proposals has she made regarding the arrangements for the children?

  • StunnedDad
  • StunnedDad's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
20 Jul 16 #481510 by StunnedDad
Reply from StunnedDad
Am currently getting every other weekend. And one weekday every week. Am also getting 50% of all holidays.

Yeah I think its entirely to do with finances and this will need to go to court based on her actions to date. And my understanding is if she 'has' the kids longer she can make a bigger claim. I do want to spend more time with my kids who are little, happy to take a lower paying job or go part time to make this happen.

  • StunnedDad
  • StunnedDad's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
More
27 Jul 16 #481835 by StunnedDad
Reply from StunnedDad
We had worked every aspect of children's time. Including holidays, tutoring, school pick ups and drop offs. They will split time equally with both parents as we live near by. Also I have my folks helping out which gives the kids valuable time with grand parents at least on my side. Am also in the FMH where the kids have their beds, things, books etc. Even tutors for our child can visit both homes as we are near by. Every cost for the kids was to be split up equally. And having been through a parenting plan. Every aspect I think has been covered in the best interest of the kids. The kids want to spend time equally as well. Am not sure what else needs to be considered/covered.

She is offering 50% of holidays. Every other weekend and 1 week day(every week). She is working part time right now and is soon expected to move to full time when she wont be able to support the model she proposes without child care. This is unfair. My work situation supports equal sharing right now along with the help of my parents. She doesnt have the support of her family like i do. Does the help of grand parents count at all?

Am I missing anything here ?

  • SplashSplish
  • SplashSplish's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
30 Jul 16 #481950 by SplashSplish
Reply from SplashSplish
I feel your pain sometimes I don't feel solicitors or courts really do have the children's life's in their hands and not the parents...

  • Kadafi
  • Kadafi's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
31 Jul 16 #481972 by Kadafi
Reply from Kadafi
I think there is a number of factors the come into play. Firstly during my divorce I made sure my ex wife was not going to stay in the FMH, had this happened I knew she would hold all the power with regards to access to my son. The house was sold and we divided the money as agreed, she has no more legal control over my son than I do.

Secondly try mediation, sometimes a neutral person is what is required to get through to a stubborn ex. My ex at first was was adiment that she was going to have sole responsibility of our son, then after just two mediation sessions we had an agreement in place for pretty much 50:50

  • Bubblegum11
  • Bubblegum11's Avatar
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
More
31 Jul 16 #481974 by Bubblegum11
Reply from Bubblegum11
I think mediation is a good option for you. There was an agreement and something has made your ex change her mind. There is possibly a breakdown of communication here and it would be a shame to go to court because of that. She could be feeling threatened that you will want more than the 50%. If she is intending to return to full time work soon, it might be worth sitting it out and taking what is on offer and when she is working full time revisit the arrangements as she will probably need more hands on help with the children anyway.

  • Ras
  • Ras's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
More
01 Aug 16 #481990 by Ras
Reply from Ras
All I can add is that if you would like more access to your kids then surely you would need to spend that extra time with your kids rather than putting them in childcare or with grandparents. Surely if its time with their mum or time in childcare then time with their mum would win hands down whoever the childcare provider is.

Sorry I know this is not what you want to hear but quality time with your kids is the most important thing.

Good luck

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11