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Husband intro new woman to my 6yo and 9mo

  • 11Anon11
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30 Aug 16 #483118 by 11Anon11
Topic started by 11Anon11
Any advice would be appreciated.
This may sound like I am trying to be vindictive but I'm not - I am really worried about the way in which my husband is dealing with all of this with the children.
He left a few months ago (completely out of the blue I had to idea at all anything was going on), and now thinks its OK to start to introduce this other woman to the children.
Our 6 year old seems OK when she is with him but she gets so upset and angry when he's not around. He doesnt see any of this and thinks its best that she knows the truth - she's only 6! She isnt an adult.
I think the best way to deal with this is keeping the same routines we have always had and moving very slowly, after all she is still very confused about what is going on and gets herself so upset asking why we arent together and when he is coming back.
Introducing someone else now can only make things worse for all of us - does anyone have any advice on this. I'd never stop him seeing them but as I want to take things very slowly for the children, I am wondering whether I could say he has to be supervised when seeing them, either at the family home (my house) or I would have to go over to his?

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31 Aug 16 #483126 by WYSPECIAL
Reply from WYSPECIAL
It's fully understandable that you would prefer that things be taken slowly and a bit of tact was used when introducing new people to the children.

Unfortunately though unless there is a safety or welfare issue there isn't anything you can do about it. You have to accept that going forward as parents you may have differing views as to how things should be done when the children are with you.

To reverse your suggestion if tomorrow he said that you should only see the children under his supervision would you accept it?

  • Clawed
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31 Aug 16 #483129 by Clawed
Reply from Clawed
I found that in my daughters case the children 7 and 4 found it easier to understand when the new partner was introduced to them it helped explain all the changes - the 1 year old wasn't bothered either, anyone who was nice to them all was welcome and considered a friend so daughter and I tried hard to follow their example.

  • NellNoRegrets
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31 Aug 16 #483147 by NellNoRegrets
Reply from NellNoRegrets
Children are quite resilient and see things differently from adults.

From my own experience, I think as a mum I was hypersensitive to my children and that my ex wasn't. Our children were much older when he left but he seemed to think that taking them bowling with his new gf and her children would create an instant bonding session, which of course it didn't.

I think it is usually best to be honest and straightforward with children and make it clear that Mummy and Daddy aren't going to be together any more and will have two separate homes But the homes will be for children to spend time with each parent.

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