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Trying to arrange shared 50:50 access

  • DAD44321
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3 years 10 months ago #485957 by DAD44321
Trying to arrange shared 50:50 access was created by DAD44321
Two weeks ago my partner said she wanted to leave and take my 5 year old daughter to live somewhere else locally and share access to our daughter.

Now she is saying she wants to be the primary carer and and only allow me alternative weekends.

When my daughter started school in September last year my partner decided to give up her 3 day week job, (which she previously insisted on doing for 4 years while our daughter was growing up, and on the days she wasn't working putting our daughter in nursery).

Unfortunately now my partner has realized that the more days care I do the less money she will get in child maintenance . I now find myself offering to pay her more in child maintenance if she will let me have more access but she is reluctant as then she thinks she will lose primary carer status and lose government benefits that she wants to apply for when she leaves. Is it standard to have to offer more in child maintenance in order to see your child more?

Another negative is my partner has suffered from depression since the age of 21, constantly been on anti depressants. She is now 41, smokes drinks and very aggressive if she doesn't get her own controlling way. Negotiating anything with her is always so exhausting. I am also trying to buy out her share of the house which she wants to use her lump sum to blow on renting as she has no job.

She insists on me not telling the school or any school friends i have. I currently do half the school runs as I'm a flexible worker and can work from home, when my partner allows and isn't being aggressive to me. We have just asked an estate agent to value our property but my partner insists I cannot tell them the value maybe for me to buy and wants the highest market value from them for me to try buying if I can.

Two wees into a separation and it is a nightmare, I don't know where to turn or even go to social services and report my partner. I feel so sorry for my daughter in her soon being alone with my partner. I am very hands on dad and my daughter will be devastated when my partner takes her away from me. I see my only way is negotiating 50:50 access, a 5-5-2-2 over 2 weeks. But she is making me pay for this if I can get it at all.

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3 years 10 months ago #486116 by fairlyhas
Replied by fairlyhas on topic Re:Trying to arrange shared 50:50 access
I'm in the same boat. I do all the school runs and my ex wife picks up our 11yo at 20:00, returns him at 07:45 just so she can say she has him 50%.

Like you it is pointless talking to her as she wants everything her own way. The only solution is court action I'm afraid. I should have a first hearing week before Christmas.

I do 70-80% care of our 11yo. Always have done.

Good luck, PM if you want to rant !

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3 years 10 months ago #486157 by DAD44321
Replied by DAD44321 on topic Re:Trying to arrange shared 50:50 access
Hi Thanks for the reply, any advice is good. I have been reading up on a child arrangement order, I need to fill out a c100 form to apply to go to court? But it says i need to have tried Mediation MIAM, i haven't done that yet. Too busy trying to get a mortgage. She has now notified she wants to sell the house, we have a Decleration of Trust deed, that says I have 1 month to respond if I intend to buy her out or the house goes on the market. Should I invite her to a MIAM session, i guess i have to book it, then if she doesn't turn up, that is good enough to then fill out a c100 and say she refuses?

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3 years 10 months ago #486218 by fairlyhas
Replied by fairlyhas on topic Re:Trying to arrange shared 50:50 access
Yes you have to have a MIAM session. I set this up, ex wife didn't turn up. When the mediator phoned her she said she thought it was next week. Nice try. They call you that week, txt you and send a letter to confirm dates.

I got the form needed and applied to court.

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