My ex left me with the kids (6 and 2) citing mental issues, went to live with her folks.
I've since had to play mum and dad doing all the chores (cleaning, feeding, cooking etc) while going to the office (drop them at my mum's) then come pick them up and carry on. This is now coming to a year.
She sees them one day a week and regularly pays maintenance (which is minimal, but I know this is not relavant here).
As you can imagine this has taken quite a toll on me (I'm close to 50). My elderly mum will be moving back to her villa somewhere on the Mediterranean so my support network will be gone.
There is no way I can maintain my employment with her gone.
I intend to have a
mediation session with my ex to explain my circumstances, but given her apathy (and her parents) this is unlikely to get anywhere which is making me think about applying for a Leave to Remove when talks inevitably break down.
I want to take my kids to live at my mum's villa where:
[*]There is an English school nearby.
[*]Exclusive swimming pool.
[*]Healthy outdoor lifestyle.
[*]Live in nanny that will look after both boys on full time basis (labour much cheaper than here).
[*]Low crime rate (small village).
I can offer my ex:
[*]Daily conversations on Phone/Skype etc.
[*]Pay for her tickets to come once a year (and I'll be bringing them during Christmas where they can stay).
[*]If she does come to visit, she can stay at the villa, so no cost involved to her.
Some facts to consider:
[*]Both kids are very attached to me. The eldest (6 years) has repeatedly stated his wish to go wherever I go (I understand their opinion doesn't hold much at this age, but just providing background that this isn't against their will).
[*]I have no intention of separating them from their mother. Despite living in a large house with her folks, she refuses to take them in. I have repeatedly offered her the chance to be the primary carer and allow me to go to the office and pay the mortgage and give her
child maintenance, but she has refused to look after the children.
[*]The fear of the children leaving their environment (school, neighbourhood etc) is inevitable whichever way this turns out as I cannot maintain the status quo; with my mum gone I cannot afford nanny care or nurseries so I'll have to leave my job, thus can't afford mortgage so will have to rent/sell house and will need to relocate somewhere distant as I bought this house when it was cheap and prices have skyrocketed around the area meaning no way I can remain close anyhow.
[*]I don't want to do what she suggested at the time of her departure, and that is to leave my job, sell the house and live on benefits while looking after the kids as I have never applied for benefits nor do I wish to as long as I'm able to work and provide. Staying here is a depressing prospect and one that will increasingly affect me emotionally as I cannot have a social life nor will I be able to provide for my kids when I'm out of work.
Questions are:
[*]What are my chances? - I know every case is different, but what is your gut feel?
[*]How long do these things take? - I've searched past posts on here and some mention a couple of years.
[*]How much do they cost usually? - again it all depends on the case of course, and I'd expect it to be in the thousands, but is it in tens? anyone had any experience?
[*]How do these things work? - We go to
mediation, and if that breaks down I make an application, then is it a series of meetings with the judge? is there a back and forth? or is it a one hearing and it's all decided on the spot?
I'm just having a hard time picturing the judge refusing my case (though reading articles it's clear stranger things have happened), as I am stuck in a rut and staying here will soon be no longer an option for me financially. Furthermore, I am willing to let her be the primary carer if she wants. Can the judge really refuse my relocation on the basis of my wife wanting to see them more often yet unwilling to look after the kids herself or provide us with a solution to the problems we're about to face with no support network?
Your thoughts/experiences are welcome!