Hi Rhiannon,
I'm sorry to hear you are going through this awfull time. It sounds and I know from experience the most desolate and horrific of places to be.
You are still that confident , bubbly person inside, its just that you have lost sight of her and are going through so much pain at the moment.
You can't try and sort everything out physically, and even more demandingly, emotionally, all at once. You have to stop and think...what are you ready to deal with now? Just do what you really have to do. Why do you have to sell the house or put it on the market so quickly, who is deciding all this? Is it him?, Are you in a fit state to do all this now? You have to look after yourself, you are worth it. You say you knew there were things in the marriage that weren't right, but it takes two, and if one partner doesn't want to make any sort of effort, that doesn't mean you are to blame in any way.
I know how you feel, my ex left for another woman after 18 years and now 1 year later I still find it almost impossible to think or even talk to him. I have finally decided to put the house on the market, but its still very painfull, but in small bite size pieces I can cope with a little at a time. I used to wake at 3am too, every single night, cry everytime I was in the car or in the toilets at work.
What helped me in the very early stages of being rejected was reading 'How to mend a broken heart' by Paul Mckenna. I desperately wanted to be told how to get through just one day, and it taught me techniques to get through the impossible parts of each day. I also took some herbal sleeping aids, as I didn't trust myself with prescription tablets, and beleive me they all helped me get through, a bit at a time.
YOu need to use as much as you can to help you get through this very bleak period of your life and emerge as the confident , happy person you are.
I hope you come to ralise that this site is one of the most caring, safe places to confide in people , and who know exactly how you feel and can help you get through it. I know personally that had I not found it, I wouldn't be where I am now... On the road to recovery, as you will be with time.
Take care and PM me anytime if you want to just moan or cry or whatever.
Lots of ((((((hugs))))))
Louisa xxx