My husband and I attended our second mediation meeting yesterday ... not successful. He wants a share of the value of the house now and will maybe agree to a mesher order. However, I will not be able to stay in the house /things will be very tight. We have two children 8 & 11 yrs.AND he won''t leave until he has the money to BUY a property which could take months & months.
What am I to do? If I leave to rent, what are my legal obligations to the FH? Just the mortgage half of all the bills ?
Quite simply, he may not get a share in the house now. You mention a Mesher order so may I assume you know what that is and what the implications are ?
Quite simply, in most cases, what it means is that he has a share in the house but cannot realise it for some time - usually, though not always, when the children reach 18.
The most important consideration is a home for the children. The issue is, can you afford to live in the FMH with the aid of such resources as you have or could acquire - by which I mean any of the following
Child support ( CSA )
Spousal maintenance if applicable
Council Tax benefit
Your wages/salary, if applicable.
If you can''t, then a Mesher order is not likely to be made.
Thnaks LMM. Why do you think
''he may not get a share in the house now''?
I think I need to do more sums. Not sure what ''maintenance'' I would receive - we both earn roughly the same, and he wants the children 50% of the week.
It would be most unusual for a husband in the same situation as yours to be left with no interest in the house at all. The point is that the needs of the children for a home will normally take priority and therefore he will not realise his share for some time.
Try to think of the long term financial security for the children and yourself. I know it''s so hard and very tempting to give in for a bit of peace, but will your mind ever be at peace in the long term if you accept something that you later live to regret? My solicitor repeatedly said to me: ''you only get one bit of the cherry''. You don''t have to make a decision after one mediation session.
At the moment you are under stress. Decisions taken under stress can often be bad, because you are seeking to relieve the stress. This is understandable and in the long term it could be disastrous.
Child support is calculated by reference to a statutory formula. There is, therefore, not a lot of scope for argument - except that the amount does depend on the time your children spend with him. Far be it from me to argue that children should not, as a general rule, have time with both parents.
It can happen that a sale of the marital home has to be postponed, perhaps for some years, so that the children can have a home.
Rather than try and explain this in detail, I have attached a paper which I wrote with this precise purpose in mind - to offer some background information to people without legal knowledge. I hope you may find it helpful to read the relevant parts of it.
Attachment Housing_wiki_options-fb3f8d87230991c794a8789a2eb95fc9.doc not found