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stbx refuses mediation

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23 Apr 12 #325930 by pgh
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Hi last night I was presented with the fact that my stbx has booked a Collaboratvie Lawyer. We were meant to have a discussion about going to meditaion but instead was told I had to get a lawyer.

What are my choices?

The reason I wanted to got to mediation was because it put one extra stage into proceed -ings i.e. if that failed then go to Colaborative Lawyers before going to court. Now if we can''t get agreement the next stop is the court! She doesn''t want to go because I would bully her (thats the point of a mediator isn''t it?) but I am the one being bullied into going to Collaborative Law.

Also my stbx is now going for Unreasonable Behaviour as "this is the only way to finalise the finaces". Originally we were just going to seperate for two years and then divorce. Should I object to the reasons she gives or is that just playing into the Lawyers hands?

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23 Apr 12 #325937 by WhiteRose
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Fighting UB can cost more (emotionally and financially) - you are able to say you do not agree to the UB statements, but do agree teh marriage is over.

Also with UB she may want you to pay costs (for the divorce - can be approx £1000 - £1500) - it may be worth negotiating that each of you pay your own costs.

Collaborative Law is (in theory) a fantastic way to get things sorted quickly and less expensively.

Im no expert, but its my understanding that both of you plus your sols all sit round and hash out an agreement. Better than communicating through letters and the costs and time these take.

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice...llaborative-Law.html

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice...nt-to-mediation.html

Seems a positive way to go .............. :unsure:

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23 Apr 12 #325938 by .Charles
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You can''t be bullied into Collaborative Law - you both have to enter into a participation agreement in which you both agree to take part in the process and act in a manner expected of the process i.e. be honest, not be hostile etc.

In order to deal with your case by CollAb you both have to engage trained lawyers who will advise you and will attend with you on 4 way meetings.

If you can deal with the matter by mediation this will be significantly cheaper but your spouse has to agree to mediation.

For more about CollAb see their site: www.collaborativefamilylaw.org.uk/collaborative-law

Charles

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23 Apr 12 #325967 by pgh
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thanks for that I hadn''t realised the implication of the costs.

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23 Apr 12 #325969 by pgh
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I know collaborative law is meant to be a positive way to go. But when I looked into it a couple of months ago the Collaborative Lawyer told me not to have any pre-conceived ideas of what the eventual split of assets would be. I found his attitude quite worrying for instance he coudn''t say if the house would be split roughly 50/50 when there is over £400k in equity.
Also even though we were only married for 10 years he thought I would be lucky to keep my half of my pension even though my wife has over 15 years worth of pension accrued pre marriage.
My wife works and with her eventual WTC plus my maintenance plus Child Benefit she would have at least £500 a month more than me - he wouldn''t commit to no Spousal maintenance.
Is this how it operates - so you can''t even begin to make any plans as to the future as it is all up in air?

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23 Apr 12 #326026 by WhiteRose
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If she refuses mediation, then normally Court is the only other option to get things sorted, so its kind of a positive that she is willing to do Collaborative Lawyers.

I think until you have exchanged financial disclosure your CL may not be able to give you any indication on what the split may be.

In a way they are right saying not to have any pre-conceived ideas about the split as this may give you a firm ''stance'' which could be difficult to move from.

Remember her CL will be probably saying the same thing to her!

In the article link I posted, it states that if the Collaboration does not work, then these lawyers can not represent you in Court.

You can''t force her to do mediation and Court is an expensive option that a Judge will impose a decision, so there is a possibility neither of you will be happy about it and will have spent a chunk of money to get. So if I were you I''d give CL a go.

Hopefully with full financial disclosure, you''ll all be able to negotiate a split that you both will be happy with.

WR

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23 Apr 12 #326091 by pgh
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WR

Am I being cyncial but since she went to a Collaborative Lawyer we went from a 2 year seperation to grounds for unreasonable behaviour?
Am I not correct in thinking that after a two year seperation when the divorce is applied for then a Consent Order is also is granted when applied for?
Is this an opening gambit in negotiations?

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