Place Of Residence?

Thanks again Sarah....

Yes... the house is solely in his name, but I have registered the marital home rights on it, so, at least he can't sell it out from over my head...

I have 'faith' that his request for 150K won't be granted... as, I also believe that the starting point would be 50/50...so, although concerned by his 'request'... I'm not overly worried about it...

Neither of us has a pension... so that won't come into the equation.
He earns around 8 times as much as I do... so, I'm hoping that this WILL be taken into account...

Yes... there is still a mortgage... of around 40K.... after that, the equity will be around 150K...

Mon...
I think Sarah was taking into account the fact that my STBX has also 'left' our daughter... perhaps that is why she says that there is no need for her to stay with him...
Personally, I would be quite 'grateful' if I could afford to buy a small 2 bedroomed place...
As for 'men'!!!!... lol, I think you'd better ask Sarah... although, on a personal level, I would tend to agree with her..(only regarding my STBX...)

On second thoughts...... no, I wouldn't be 'grateful' if I could afford a small 2 bedroomed place.... I would be 'satisfied'.... no more no less...
Why should I be 'grateful' to move from my 3 bedroomed reasonably comfortable home, that I have 'enjoyed' for 20+ years because he decided he 'fancied a fresh piece'???

Also, Karen's daughter is in her late teens. Teenagers are less likely to move between parental homes in any case, if they haven't started doing so when they were young.

Sadie

Monitor441 wrote:

IfIKnewThen.

I have a three questions relating to your last post

1. Why does his daughter "not need to stay with him"?

2. If a "small 2 bed at a push" is OK for him why isn't it OK for ScottishLady?

3. What do you mean by "men!"?

Mon

Monitor, in response to your questions:

Firstly, I am familiar with Karen's situation as we have both been on wiki since August and our husbands left practically at the same time.

1. Karen's daughter is 22 yo and has not seen her dad since he left, he would have to build a lot of bridges for her to feel she wanted to stay with him.

2. Her husband chose to leave the FMH to start a life with another woman, with whom he is living with yet chooses to lie about. Any way, why should he ask for all of the equity in the property, surely a starting point would be 50/50 and owing to his earning ability compared to Karen's this would probably be pushed more in Karen's favour. As Karen says, why because he couldn't keep his willie in his pants should she have to move from the house she has called home for so long? His housing needs are met and he has not even mentioned Karen buying him out, he wants the lot. The courts may not take behaviour of either spouse into account but to leave someone you have been married to for over 20 years seemingly over night, Karen has every right to think that she is worth more than a kick in the teeth. Is she asking for everything? No, I don't think she is, but he has made it clear he is!

3. Men! - Granted, this was actually only directed at very few men, and if you knew me like a lot of people on here do, then you would know that is exactly what I meant. I am a very fair woman and have at times even stuck up for the men on this site. If you knew my story then you would know that I have 5 small children and that my x2b has left me with no money; a hefty mortgage to pay and does not see his kids; his choice - oh and I have an injunction in place to stop him abusing me and the kids; so if I rant now and then, I think I can be forgiven. I chucked my husband out because he has a drink problem and is a compulsive gambler, without the emotional abuse I suffered for years only to find out that he had been having an affair with a woman from work (who used to come into my home and knew I had 5 children). He moved in with her the day I chucked him out.

I don't hate my x2b, I feel sorry for him and sad that he is missing out on his children growing up. But he is not going to control us for the rest of time and is not using my children to try and maintain the control he is so rapidly losing over me.

I am a strong person, but what I have been through in the last 6 months alone and considering I have had to put a smile on my face for children of 1, 3, 5, 9 & 11 yo and not once bad mouth their father and even make excuses as to why he can't see them, I think I am lucky to be as sane as I am.

Nothing personal Monitor, but I think my comments on the whole (and the Men! one I have explained) are justified.

Why should any of us (men or women) be bullied into less than satisfactory settlements just for a quiet life?

I will shut up now, before I get stuck on my soap box.

Sarah

Sarah

Thanks for your reply.

I only asked the questions as I wasn't sure of either Karen's or your story and as a man on the other side of the equation, I was interested in the reasons for your comments

Just so you are aware, I was a married father of 2 children (10 and 8 when we split 14 months ago) who's wife had an affair and I have had to move out of the house I had just spent £164K refurbishing and now my ex2b is living there with her boy friend.

I look after my 2 children 50% of the time on a week on week off basis so I have set up a completely new home with very few things from the FMH as, according to my ex2b "I earnt more money than her so I could afford to buy everything that was required for my rented house".

I will have a mesher order on the FMH so I will get a small percentage of the value of it when my daughter is 18 or maybe when she finishes unversity - so 9 - 13 years with no equity to help me get back on the housing ladder. I will get there by hard graft and lots of personal sacrifice to ensure that my children spend half their time with their father and live in houses that are comparible.

So please excuse me if I took offence to your "Men!" but there are two side to every story and I feel your comment didn't help the post

Mon

Monitor,

Thanks for replying.

I know there are as many men on here who are having it bad; I take my hat of to you, for really making your divorce about your children and putting them first.

In my defence, when I wrote the post I had just been in court for my injunction hearing and endured my x2b's barrister slagging me off.

Admittedly it was a flippant comment and I take it back!

I think certain people could learn a lesson or 2 from blokes like you Monitor. I wish my children had a dad half as good as some on here.

Sarah

Hi scottishlady,

Sorry to hear your plight.

Well i wouldn't mind being a Private Eye for the weekend assuming it's not to far from Derby!If you dont mind paying for the room and a few beers! sadly I'm free 3 weekends in 4!

If he is living with this woman then her financialy situation is likely to have an impact on any financial settlement, in your favour i would have thought!

Men! and I say Women! cant live with them and can't live without them and vice versa

Speaking from personal experience I can vouch for Sarah and say that she doesnt unfairly slate all men and is very good friend to some of us.

Pete