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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

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  • LosingBattle
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31 Jul 12 #346313 by LosingBattle
Topic started by LosingBattle
Hi all,
Another question I''m afraid!!

I''m expecting to go to court in the next few months & have heard that I''m going to need to ''prepare my case file'' for either my solicitor or a barrister.

What do I need to put in this file? I''ve looked at the Ministry of Justice page, but it just says what order & how to label the files. It doesn''t say what I need to put in.

I''m going to court over child contact issues & financial matters.

I''m thinking the following, but please let me know if I''m way off!

Do I include my bank statements etc? Or just my evidence of the following?:

how badly my STBX is at handling finances (she''s had ccj''s, bad credit records, has taken loans.)
How she does not put the needs of the children first (threatening to move countries, withholding access, leaving the kids at home alone)
She has reneged on numerous agreements (children for xmas, paying off joint debts)
She makes up child contact agreements to suit herself (making demands & deadlines that are impossible to meet)
She behaves inappropriately & in a juvenile manner which is totally unacceptable as a mother & role model (twitter & FaceBook photos & comments, drinking & smoking around the kids)

Quite frankly the list is endless, but basically I want to get across those main points & want the judge to see that whilst I''ve been working my backside off to try & keep my head above water, she''s been sat at home & has done everything in her power to make my life as difficult as possible. Hopefully, this will sway things in my favour slightly!

  • MrsMathsisfun
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31 Jul 12 #346315 by MrsMathsisfun
Reply from MrsMathsisfun
Firstly you need to separate the financial stuff from the contact stuff. They aren''t linked.

If your going to court re contact and finances then you are facing two lots of court!!

Also I dont think the courts are interested in conduct, its all about the figures.

You need to find out cost of suitable housing and her earning potential. Also work out your needs.

Read ''''somuch'''' posts you find them helpful

Hopefully someone else can tell you about the legal stuff.

  • LosingBattle
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31 Jul 12 #346351 by LosingBattle
Reply from LosingBattle
Thanks Mathisfun,

Sorry if I''m being dim, but what do you mean by "read ''somuch'' posts you find them helpful" ?

As for the bit about not highlighting her conduct, it is her unreasonable dehaviour that is one of the main issues & causes the most problems with most things. I want the judge to see that she does not have the children''s best interests at heart by presenting the numerous times she has done selfish, irresponsible & juvenile things with total disregards for them. I feel that things may go more in my favour if I can show what type of a person she is.
I want the judge to see exactly why this has taken 3 years with no resolve.

LB :):)

  • MrsMathsisfun
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31 Jul 12 #346357 by MrsMathsisfun
Reply from MrsMathsisfun
Sorry there is another poster called ''somuch2know'''' and he has been in a similar position to you and you could read and see what preparations he made.

Sorry maybe with the child contact stuff you could mention her conduct, but when it comes to the finances the court wont want to know.

  • hadenoughnow
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31 Jul 12 #346358 by hadenoughnow
Reply from hadenoughnow

Child contact and financial issues are dealt with separately.

Child contact is all about what is in the best interests of the children. Other wikis have far more knowledge than I on these matters. There are also many posts on the subject which will give you some insights in what - and what not - to do in court. The simple message is keep it simple and focused on the children.

Finances are all about needs, what is in the pot and how it can be divided to best meet those needs - with the Parent with Care (PWC) and children at the top of the priority list if there is not enough to go round.

If you go through the courts for the finances, there is a set process to go through. This includes filling in and exchanging a form E - full financial disclosure including 12 months bank statements, cc statements etc.

Conduct has no bearing on financial proceedings except in the most extreme cases e.g. when one party has injured the other so they can no longer work.

Once you are in the court system she is answerable to the judge if she fails to comply with any orders. You can only have a legally binding agreement/order once you have a Decree Nisi.

There is lots of information in the wikivorce library about the process and many, many posts on the subject. Have a look for Ancillary Relief, form E, section 25 of the 1973 Matrimonial Causes Act, First appointment, FDR, Final hearing ...

Once you have a handle on the process, you can ask specific questions in the forum to make sure you are well prepared.

It is really important to try to take emotions out of all this. If you are not careful, arguing the toss over these things can end up costing a fortune. The judge is not going to care about he said/she said arguments. They are only interested in hard facts and figures.

It is always better to try mediation to see if you can agree on both contact and finances.

The posts to which mathisfun refers are from somuch2know2 - if you look up his profile, you can find his posts which were related to both contact and financial issues.


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31 Jul 12 #346359 by somuch2know2
Reply from somuch2know2

Yes- I have been and still am in a similar situation, but the LAST thing you want to do is make it into a "she did this" rant. Its not conducive.

I self-repped, she had barrister and lawyer. Court was the last option but I got fed up of not seeing my kids. It had been a year and it was all ignited by my exwife.

She wanted me to sign over sole residency- I refused and the judge said this was pointless as I wasnt contesting where they lived. She tried to throw out things that were said in a councilling session with my daughter, the judge also dismissed this as ''people often say regrettable things in divorce''. She said she only wanted me to have day time visitaion every other week (sundays 10-4) as the kids ''didnt know me''- I didnt argue- I just agreed. And she made me sign an agreement saying I wouldnt introduce the kids to my girlfriend for 6 months- i agreed to this too as divorce left me broke and I knew I was going to move in with her and her housemate to save money- having no room for the kids. Finally I have to go to a parenting course for divorced parents..

If my ex doesnt change the rules of engagement by the end of those 6 months its back to court we go, but I am confident things will be in my favour as I played by her rules to begin with.

At every point I kept this about my kids. everytime she tried to villify me, I just stated over and over "I just want to see my kids".

Have faith- and dont get caught up in the fact your ex is an arze, it will be your downfall.

Good luck

and yes- financials are a whole different kettle of fish. Best advice- tackle them seperately

  • LosingBattle
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31 Jul 12 #346450 by LosingBattle
Reply from LosingBattle
Thanks hadenough & somuch,

It sis just so frustrating to see her behaviour & not to be able to convey how this affects me, the kids & my family. I want to show how juvenile, vindictive & spiteful she is. I have soooo much evidence of her behaviour on FaceBook, Twitter & personal emails & texts that it is unbelievable that the judge won''t take them into account.
Why should she be allowed to behave like this & I''m constantly walking on egg-shells?? Only to find that it doesn''t really matter cos the judge/court isn''t interested?? They should be interested!
Surely a persons behaviour & demeanour should be taken into account as certainly in this case,(& I''m sure I''m not alone) it is the main thing causing this divorce to stagnate, be so acrimonious & is affecting my kids upbringing!! I don''t want my children growing up with a drunken, immature, foul mouthed woman to be the role model for my kids 90% of the time.

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