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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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Time to go to court?

  • Elphie
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26 Sep 12 #357930 by Elphie
Topic started by Elphie
I was hoping to negotiate with my stbx via solisitors. The marriage involved abuse so I don''t want to attend mediation, I don''t have any faith that it would work with him.

To give you an idea what he is like, the general pattern is my sol asks for information / question, we hear nothing, my sol asks again and within a time frame, timeframe is missed so my sol prepares to take to court, then just as we are about to apply his sol write saying something along the lines of please be patient, our client will provide said information by x date. X date comes and goes so my solisitor writes requesting it again........and round and round.

This has happened with the divorce petition, (started the process in April, still don''t have my nisi) child contact ( stopped chasing him for this, I decided I can''t fight all battles and if he wants to see them he can contact me and arrange) and now, my main concern, finances.

Despite his solisitor asking for form E to be completed back in may he still hasn''t provided his. At this rate I''ll have to redo mine completely as I am trying to get off of benefits and living off the savings I have declared, so it will all be out off date soon. Plus, while there is always the chance that I will be worse off after going to court and the costs that involves, at the moment I am spending heaps in chasing him up and trying to move things forward (he ignores my when I contact him directly and tells me to go through solisitors) but worse of all is that as the end of every month comes, I worry about how much money he is going to give me. I desperately rely on that money as I''ve been left with a huge mortgage and have two young children not yet in school, but he often makes comments about not giving me as much this month because of xyz last month he dropped it by £150, this month he has said he is taking the contact centre registration fee out of it.

I don''t need a forecast of what the possible outcomes are, I just need to know, is it time to cut my loses and go to court? I need an end to this as the not knowing and not being able to budget is awful. Or am I just being impatient, and 5 months is reasonable to still be waiting for disclosure?

  • WhiteRose
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26 Sep 12 #357946 by WhiteRose
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Hi Elphie,

Sounds frustrating!:angry:

You say you''re waiting for his form E - is this a voluntary thing?

If a Court application for AR has gone in, he''ll be required to complete it by a certain date and he is required personally to attend the FA. Non-compliance can mean penal notices.

File for AR if you haven''t done already and let the Courts deal with it. Yes, you''ll incur sol fees, but at least you''ll get somewhere - other than now where you spend money chasing him to no avail.

Or - have you considered self repping?

Take care

WR

  • Elphie
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26 Sep 12 #357951 by Elphie
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Yes it''s voluntary at the moment. Will file for ar then, thank-you.

I have considered self repping and toyed with the idea. But my parents would be horrified and insist on paying for my solisitor themselves if I announced I was going to self rep, and I don''t want them to use their savings / retirement pot / remortgage their house doing that. So I''ll carry on with my sol, hopefully I won''t be forced to go all the way through to the bitter end through the courts, and a court timetable for submitting form E etc will be enough to give my stbx the kick up the backside he needs!

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26 Sep 12 #357954 by WhiteRose
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You''ve used up all your goodwill & patience and he''s given you the run around.

He''s had plenty of chances.

File for AR, hopefully his Sol will advise him sensibly as a Judge prob wouldn''t take his excuses.

please keep us updated with your progress.

WR x

  • Elphie
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26 Sep 12 #357959 by Elphie
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Oh, I''ve just received his latest letter from his solisitors now. Apparently while they have now given him a blank form E, he can''t complete it yet because he can''t afford the solisitors assistance. We''re both intelligent adult''s, he could complete it himself like I did mine. (well, I did with a little help from you guys ;))

However, despite no financial disclosure they are still pushing me to attend mediation, now "shuttle" mediation.
And then they threaten that if I start court proceedings for AR they will inform court of my refusal to attend mediation and invite the court to order both parties to "meditation" Any one ever been ordered to meditate by the court before? :blink:I must say, it would probably help my stress levels :P

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26 Sep 12 #357963 by WhiteRose
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My view is you can force someone to ''attend'' mediation - for mediation to work both parties need to be honest, open and provide full financial disclosure. They need to be prepared to negotiate and compromise.

It sounds like all he wants to do is give you the run-around. Forcing mediation where he''ll not turn up, or turn up and be awkward, by that time you''ll still be no further and will probably have to go to Court anyway :(

Am interested to hear if anyone has had a Judge force a couple to go to mediation.

  • leanng
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26 Sep 12 #357977 by leanng
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Elphie.

Let them threaten you. I personally am fed up with some of the unprofessional attitudes of some solicitors (i do realise they are acting on behalf of their clients).

Agree to mediation, you really have nothing to lose, mediation will send you a letter asking you to make an appointment. first appointment will involve just you. explain situation and why you do not want to attend and take it from there, but file for AR.

That way you will have a timetable set by the Courts and he has no choice but to file required documents .

You are then in control of situation.

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