New contact order broken within days

Hearing this week.

Court declined to enforce existing order after multiple breaches, as ex was at least engaging to a degree. Fair enough, I agree with not building animosity.

Court pushed child-inclusive mediation. I spoke with mediator and had mini-mediation with ex before refusing with mediation, which the court and CAFCASS did not like. But I gave my reasons:

(1) mediation has always failed in the past.

(2) in mini-mediation at court, ex was pushing for reduction to son's current time with me, not to maintain it or increase it.

(3) I do not want mediation based on child's feelings when Social Services have called me to tell me that they think ex is manipulating son into not coming to my home, and warned ex that residence might be transferred.

DJ did not like ex trying to reduce time that son has with me. DJ also ordered Social Services to respond to my account of what they had told me.

Ex said that she wanted return to 50-50 shared parenting. She had suggested reduction in contact to Saturdays only, when son has refused every Saturday to get out of her car, so DJ ordered by consent current contact after school plus Saturdays.

DJ also ordered that we must have worked together to return to 50-50 shared parenting status quo by next court hearing.

Spoke with my son about Saturdays last night. Was surprised ex had not discussed it with him. He was not happy about coming on Saturdays. I explained that ex had suggested Saturdays, everyone had discussed, she wants him to see me, so we will try it. I did not know what else to say. He's in a difficult position. I listened to his feelings, tried to give him an opportunity to offload.

At handover today he told me he did not want to come to my home. Also that I lied when I told him that ex wants him to see me and that she suggested Saturdays. Told me to ask ex.

Ex told me that I had lied but she will not tell me how but I must address my lies with my son. She also said that it is son's choice whether he comes to my home, when DJ told her at court she must not place the decision on him.

Both tired to argue with me, especially son. I backed off and handover attempt failed after five minutes. Question is what to do now?

New order was made this week and already not happening. DJ wants parents to work together so that son not dragged through section 7 or section 37 reports, which I agree with. However, court has said that so long as ex brings son to handover she is not in breach of order. I explained to DJ that she brings him to handover and then tells him to not come to my home, but DJ disregarded this.

Anyone?

Not an expert in children matters but my take would be that you should do what the court clearly wants ie mediation.
It may not work but if it doesn't, that will be another independent person who has a view of the matter.


Hadenoughnow

Understood. But the mediator is not allowed to share any information with the court. What is said in mediation is legally priveleged.

I agree with Hadenoughnow - you should be following the Court's directions re mediation.

The mediation is an opportunity for you, your ex and your son to start looking at how you can work together, rather than against each other which seems to be the current situation.

Refusal to attend mediation (regardless of your reasoning) will come across as refusal to work with your ex and your son , and may be viewed by the Judge as you being obstructive.

I just can't get my head around mediation.

Last time in 2009-2010 I went with mediation. Ex kept refusing to attend or, when she did attend, the mediator had to stop the sessions as ex was being abusive towards me.

Ex promised court that she would attend, so court did not make an order, and then refused to attend once we left court. At a review hearing two months later she told DJ she had changed her mind and he said that was fine. When we got to the section 7 report, Cafcass did not like that she had refused mediation, but not sure how much that influences their final recommendations.

Situation is very different this time. In addition to my reasons in my previous posts, I simply can't afford several mediation sessions over the next two months. My new wife has gone part time at work to facilitate childcare, so we don't have any disposable income or savings. We've already had mediation just before the court hearing, and it failed. Ex wanted me to agree to no contact at all, no flexibility.

Is there not any scope to say that parties are so far apart that mediation is the wrong approach?

I want to keep the court onside, also Cafcass. But is mediation really the answer to every case?