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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

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Using SEND child issues to escalate costs

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05 Dec 16 #486388 by DECO21914
Topic started by DECO21914
Hi,

Hope I'm in the right forum area, but wondered if anyone had any experience/advice regarding my situation.

I have been separated from an extremely controlling husband for two years, have obtained no financial help from him at all for myself or our daughter, whilst he continues to live in the former family home with our son who has Autism. Husband changed the locks to the home as soon as I left and will not let me retrieve any of my belongings.

Understandably, I have had enough of this and feel it is time to get our divorce and finances sorted officially. However, upon hearing this my husband has threatened to use our son's learning disability to argue that he should not have to sell 'his' house, downsize, or give me or my daughter any financial help.

He has also threatened that should I take him to court he will delay proceedings indefinitely, fight me every step of the way, and raise the cost of the whole process so it will cost me £60,000!!! Does anyone know whether this is possible/has happened to anyone??? Is it worth fighting against someone so unpleasant, or cheaper in the long run to walk away with nothing?

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05 Dec 16 #486390 by itsbeenalongtime
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Please dont listen to anything he says. It is important to get good help. For the first time in 2 years I feel I am getting some control back. I went to court with a barrister. Totally lost faith in my sols. I came out the first hearing feeling a million times better and my barrister saying confidently, my stbx can no longer bully me. He has controlled every single part of the proceedings he has changed his angle on every issue put in front of him but when the bigger picture is looked at it all becomes much clearer.get some good advice. Keep a diary of everything so you dont panic when they ask for relevant information. Stay strong.

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05 Dec 16 #486392 by DECO21914
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Thank you so much for your reply. I'm so unclear about the whole process and how much he can actually delay it. He's happy to divorce me, so do I start with this then try to do as much myself without solicitors?

If I apply for Ancillary Relief (is that what it's called???)could he argue much then? I just would like a third party - a judge, as he had absolutely NO respect for the mediator! - to decide once and for all so it can be done with.

Where should I go to get good help? My solicitors were not much help, how do I choose a good barrister???

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05 Dec 16 #486408 by itsbeenalongtime
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I cant help on legal advice but dont rush anything. Take your time, decide what you need then what you want. Find out as much as you can about your finances. In reality I did all the donkey work for my sols and he filled in the boxes at great expense. I may have been lucky with my barrister but he drew out all the relevant points, dumped the crap that didnt matter and drew the judges attention to the important issues. Im not saying Im going to get anything more than is fair but my stbx would have me walk out with what I brought in 32 years ago. I felt 10st lighter and 6 ft taller after the court hearing. Still a long way to go but the time I have taken and the ground work I have gone through has not been wasted. The knowledge of what I have found and sorted has made me stronger. I have an opinion and am allowed to make my own decisions. My naivety has helped in that I have needed to go through everything until I understood it all. Im not stupid just been brainwashed and gullible for my whole life. I have 2 amazing children that stand by me through everything and they have made me see him for what he really is. You should be able to get half an hour free advice but I would go with questions that you need answering rather than let them talk about how you are feeling for that time.If he is seen to be making things difficult it will backfire on him. keep talking and seeking as much information as possible yourself. xx

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