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Some Happy News

  • u6c00
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10 Aug 12 #348539 by u6c00
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I had a hearing today to decide on my ex''s Specific Issue application to move the children 60 miles away. She proposed that I do all travelling and meet the costs. Contact to be reduced from current weekly to fortnightly.

There was a PSO that my son can''t move house from his present home. The ex tried to circumvent this by selling the house and buying a new one in the new town, essentially presenting the court with a fait accompli so she had to move.

I got a barrister at short notice. Before going in she made it clear that not in her wildest imaginings did she expect me to win. She planned to cross-examine my ex hard, so told me I should enjoy getting some satisfaction even if I didn''t win.

My ex refused to negotiate on travel arrangements or contact. She said she was committed to fighting it out and letting the court decide. (This is where she first put her shovel in the ground and started digging).

After opening statement my ex was asked to give evidence. She explained her reasons for moving, explained her offer for contact and the consequences of not being permitted to move.

Then my barrister started to work. I obviously can''t talk about all the things discussed but my ex was very evasive, full of attitude both to the magistrates and my barrister and my barrister did a truly magnificent job of getting things out of her. (You say you agree to contact, what are you offering for holiday contact? - 50/50 shared holidays - My client asked for next week, is this agreed - yes.) She actually managed to get her to agree to all sorts, holiday contact, weekly contact, loads of stuff. I genuinely don''t think that she realised she was agreeing to these things. She still refused to share the travelling cost or burden (the hole is getting deeper now).

Those who have followed my case will know that my ex has done lots of mud-slinging and has enforced supervised contact by calling my mental health into question. One thing that my barrister couldn''t get her to budge on was lifting the supervisions requirement (she doesn''t even realise how deeply she''s dug herself in at this point). More on this later.

My ex also stated a lot of untrue things but I won''t know the consequences of this until later because this wasn''t fact-finding.

I was then called to give evidence. I explained that my supervisors all work full time, and couldn''t agree to doing all the travelling. It would not be possible to agree contact on the terms that she was offering. Cross-examination was nerve-racking. I explained that my family could do some travelling but not all. My ex''s barrister tried to get me to admit that my family would do all the travelling. I could only honestly say that they may be able to do some, but not all.

CAFCASS were supposed to be present as my barrister really wanted to take the report apart as it was inadequate. The officer did not turn up despite court Directions. Shameful behaviour by CAFCASS. The report therefore could not be considered and the recommendations in it couldn''t be accepted or challenged.

We then went off to lunch. My ex came out, jumped into her boyfriend''s arms and announced how much fun it had been. I smirked to myself because I saw her get crucified on the stand and it sure as hell wasn''t fun for her.

When we were called back in, the court provided us with their judgement. The PSO was to remain in place until the next hearing (tentatively proposed as October) and her move was not allowed. This was because the court had been put in a position where if she was allowed to move then contact would not be manageable because of all the travelling, which would not be possible with the supervisors.

I want to make this absolutely clear. By being intransigent, refusing to share the burden of the travelling and by slinging mud at me enforcing supervised contact she dug this hole herself. My barrister was quick to point out that she had a knock down, drag out argument. "I want to move because I want to be closer to my family" would have won it for her. Hurling allegations around is what lost it for her.

Have you ever heard that phrase about stopping digging? She hasn''t.

So we were sent off to draft an order. On the way out my ex threatened to kill my son under her breath. My barrister heard it, but ex denied everything. I hope and pray this was lashing out in anger and that nothing was really meant by it. I later had the police perform a safe and well check, they reported he was ok. I tried to tell Social Services, who couldn''t care less.

When we returned to the court my ex objected to the draft order. Now that things had not gone her way she objected to the holiday contact (which she agreed to under oath). The magistrates were unhappy at this.

Then she raised the issue of paternity, demanding a paternity test. I think it''s safe to say that the magistrates were very angry at this being raised. They subsequently amended their judgement to include a finding of fact that my ex''s evidence was not believed and she was an unreliable witness.

So the upshot of all this is that she made an application to move house urgently in time for the new school year. By demanding a DNA test she has delayed that way past the start of the school year. My son will now begin to attend nursery in his current location and that more firmly establishes the status quo as it is now.

After the paternity hearing there will need to be a finding of fact hearing to remove the supervision. Only then can we consider whether she will renew her attempts to move. I anticipate this not happening until at least Christmas, by which time my son will be firmly established in a nursery.

This has been a hell of a day. I arrived at court at 8.30 this morning, I left at 18.30 this evening, only to begin dealing with the police. The hearing was scheduled for 3 hours. I made clear all along that I was willing to negotiate on her moving, as long as I got 2-3 days a week contact.

Whilst I''m happy that she wasn''t permitted to move, let me stress the negative consequences of this. Her partner that she lives with has bought a house and taken a job in the new area. The family will probably be broken up to some extent as he will be working away a lot. My ex will experience a great deal of sadness at having her hopes smashed. Between us we have wasted 10 hours of the courts time, squandered money that neither of us had to squander and wasted a significant portion of our own lives in preparing for this.

My ex will be more firmly entrenched in her view that I am the devil, and after her outrageous and appalling threats, the same is true of me. We have set ourselves back more than we can yet know in building a relationship where we are capable of co-parenting our child.

Who won in this case? The barristers.
Who lost? Everyone.

Just my advice to all the people out there in difficult circumstances: don''t sling mud, sure some may stick but you still get yourself dirty.

  • fairylandtime
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10 Aug 12 #348544 by fairylandtime
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Uc

Karma comes to mind !!

It is true that the more you sling the mud the dirtier you get. Plus if you dig yourself in with lies, not only can you start to believe them, you can dig yourself in further & contradict yourself .... Hence no one believes you.

To call for paternity tests at this stage was grappling at straws really, hence the court didn''t like it ... As you say waiting their time & they don''t like that.

You have stuck at it so far & long may that continue ... You will get there & our son will thank you for it.

JJx

  • Bobbinalong
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10 Aug 12 #348545 by Bobbinalong
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Excellent post.
Just goes to show how evil some people can be even in the face of a court.
And you think you might be the devil!
Your right in your conclusion though, I felt the same, but sometimes these kind of people leave us no choice.
All the best.

  • MrsSadness
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10 Aug 12 #348552 by MrsSadness
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Dear Uc600

I just wanted to say I feel so sorry for you that you are going through all this. You were kind enough to welcome me on here when I joined, despite all your own stuff going on, so just wished to return the favour... with some support. This sounds awful, and I thought my case was stressful! I really do hope it all goes in your favour. As previous poster alluded to, ''karma''. Stay strong and you are in my thoughts. Bye.

  • happyagain
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10 Aug 12 #348556 by happyagain
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This is great news uc. I appreciate your efforts to remain respectful to your ex but really, there is no need. She has behaved atrociously and she is getting her come uppance. However, I am sure the threat to your son was empty and was only said as she has little else left with which to hurt you, although it was very stupid of her to say it within earshot of your barrister.

  • minxy1912
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10 Aug 12 #348566 by minxy1912
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So good to hear. Gives me fresh hope as my ex is constantly lying,in court as well. I have managed to avoid a finding of fact so far, but ive got so much evidence of his lies i am thinking "bring it on", but then i think what good will it do? wont make him a better dad! or want to see his children more! that''s something i cant do,so whats the point.
I remember at the beginning i was getting so upset with the lies i said sod it,i will start lying, my friend said,"no,don''t stoop to his level. you have no need to lie so stick to the truth,the truth will out and karma will kick his ass.lol." He has dug himself in so deep now i could get both him and his new gf done for fraud and libel, but i dont think i will bother,just sit back and watch the train wreck happen.lol.

  • QPRanger
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10 Aug 12 #348568 by QPRanger
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Thanks for posting U6: your story of your day in court gives me a modicum of hope that the court system will eventually lead to a just and fair outcome in my situation. I also have an ex that thinks there are no consequences of lying under oath, stating things as fact without providing any evidence, and ignoring the parts of the Court Order that she doesn''t like.

Stick in there my friend!

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