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Should my partner fight a non molestation order? Any help would be appreciated!

  • pandies1702
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19 Jun 20 #512919 by pandies1702
Topic started by pandies1702
My partner has been served with a non mol order by his ex wife, she has heavily manipulated past and current events that have happened in order to justify her claims that she is at risk by partner, she has down right lied in parts and omitted to mention the wider background facts which are very relevant to the circumstances.

We believe she is doing this for control over my partner, and to force child care arrangements on him that don't suit the children. She has a long distance relationship with a man she had an affair with, and she uses my partner to facilitate this as well as her social life. She insists on arrangements that suit her lifestyle rather than what suits the children.

They have 2 children, a son 17 who lives with my partner and a daughter 14 who lives with the ex wife. The son has had many issues and is very difficult to deal with, he's had several run ins with the police, one of which is still on going and quite frankly is a complete nightmare - all of which my partner if left to deal with. His ex gets involved here and there when it suits her but other than that she doesn't help. The children do not get along, they argue and there are threats of violence between them and this does escalate into violence at time - nothing off the scale but still a toxic environment. It very difficult to look after them both at the same time, they hate each other and never want to spend time together - they also get jealous of the other spending time alone with my partner.

My partner tries to limit how much time they spend together by trying to refuse having them both at the same time, and instead being in favour of swopping them over. His ex won't have this as it does not suit what she wants. An argument broke out recently as she decided to disappear off during the lockdown to see her partner and left my ex with both the children - there was no violence during this encounter or threats of any kind from my partner toward her although she did drive her car into his leg twice. It's off of the back of this she has put in the order claiming that he intimidated her - I was present and he did not intimate her he merely wanted to discuss the situation and she was trying to rush off and leave him with the kids without explanation.

My partner feels if this is put in place, she will just make a habit driving off and leaving the kids with him and he has no way in which to fight back as if he so much as says anything she will accuse him of breaking the order. She has no sense of wrongdoing and believe she is completely justified in how she behaves - she has no qualms about dumping her daughter off and disappearing for days at a time even though she knows how much the daughter hates spending time with the son, she does not care and manipulates the daughter into going along with it.

It is potentially going to cause a breakdown in his relationship with one of the children because he can't accommodate them both due to his son's difficult behaviour. He is looking at having the son removed from the home because of what this could lead to, even though he isn't ready to give up on him despite his behaviour

He feels very aggrieved and would like to contest it, but doesn't know if it is worth him doing so as it will cost him a lot of money and may not win. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. He is at his wits end and I fear he is heading for a breakdown. He has already had a very difficult couple of years due to the breakdown of the family and having to take on the burden of his son's behaviour alone and he can't handle much more.

  • Beehive
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21 Jun 20 #512930 by Beehive
Reply from Beehive
The Non-Molestation Order won't give her what she wants as she won't be able to come near his home otherwise he would need take her back to Court to challenge her to avoid being charged with breaking the Order.

He needs to see a family solicitor. That solicitor will probably advise him to accept an Undertaking if it won't affect his job and then have no contact with his ex. An Undertaking is just a promise to the Court you won't do what is alleged.

Both his children are old enough to sort out contact themselves and to travel to a neutral location e.g. train station on their own where either parent can pick them up. They can also stay at home overnight for a couple of nights on their own if they are sensible. In the case of the 14 year old a nearby trusted adult e.g. neighbour, school friend's parent who they can call on is aware. The parents have no need to contact each other at all.

Being a teenager his daughter may refuse to sort out contact herself, in that case he can't do anything.

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