Who gets the Nisi if contested

I have stated that I am defending, but I am only doing so to try and get control of the process.

My 'Answer' is ready and I believe that the reasons given by 2tbx as the Petitoner WILL NOT GO THROUGH, nothing specific i.e. dates, times etc...against UB

So in my answer if I cross petition on 2 year sep, and the s2bx accepts that, am I now in control of the application for Nisi or is the original petitioner in control of it.

Just a thought if the pet.. is in control then there's not much point in defending

Josh, if I understand correctly your stbx is alleging unreasonable behaviour on your part? If so I don't think you should assume she will be unsuccessful just because she doesn't give precise dates etc. The Judge will say "he disputes the allegations, but has thisa marriage broken down irretrievably?" If so he will grant the decree, end of.

And why, oh why, do you want to be able to control the proceedings? If you fear she won't go for a decree, wait until she lets it slide then apply to dismiss for want of prosecution. Defending won't take away from her the control of the proceedings. If you succeed, there will be no petition, period. The petition will be dismissed. This isn't what you want.

And if you are unsuccessful, you will be saddled with a much higher costs order. you haven't mentioned filing a cross-petition. If you wanted to go on the basis of 2 years' separation, what about the need for consent on her part? You don't seem to have considered that.

I really question the wisdom of defending. It's so rare I haven't even seen one in something like 15 years of practice. It's a waste of money and court time IMHO. Why not just say to her: "I'll not defend if you'll agree to [set your conditions] as to costs". Much more pragmatic, less wear and tear etc. Think on't.

Will C

So what is the point of defending?

I was petitioned in early October on grounds that were wholly fabricated 5 plus years sep. and a pack of lies in the particulars etc.

I submitted a letter to the court explaining that and have now received an amended petition based on UB

The UB is pretty genralised and in what I can make out of it, can only apply to some 10 years ago and not recent.

I am not happy at all to be seen as the one at fault without good reasoning, my understanding is that specific events have to accompany the fact, in all essense to 'back up the allegations'

If a judge only considers that the marriage has broken down, what is the point of the facts that are required to prove it?

I have mentioned cross petition and stated if that were agreed by both parties, who then controls the process, the original petitioner or the cross petitioner?

Something not right here.

To keep costs as low as poss just agree to the petition on the basis that you each bear your own legal costs.

Divorce is not about control, pride, bitterness and all that jazz. Its about going your seperate ways as soon as possible.

Sorry specialdad, don't agree

Firstly I am quite happy to a divorce based on two year sep either way here goes what's already happened

Received DP - Pack of Lies - wrote to court

Agree to accept 2 year sep with s2bx, with consent

Received amended DP - Pack of lies

Not meaning to state something, but why should I accept lies, lies and more lies, something is definitely not right if courts just accept it.....

The only 'control' I want is to ensure the absolute does not come before the financials are sorted. That’s all

Josh,

I am convinced that your reasoning for wanting to control the Petition stage is fundamentally flawed. Who gives a damn about whether the particulars are true or not? Why should you worry? Who sees those particulars? The original petition was for 5 years' separation. No behaviour particulars were needed for this, they would be ignored, and the marriage would have been dissolved on the (no-fault) ground of the long separation. You insisted on challenging that.

You haven't shot yourself in the foot so much as blown your leg off! Now you will have to pay her costs on the UB petition instead of just a no-fault divorce as originally filed on the basis of 5 years' separation!

All because you (obviously) didn't go to see a solicitor to find out all the implications of defending etc. And the great British public moan about solicitors.... At least you would have had some accurate advice and saved yourself a lot of hassle. Sorry Josh, I don't often sound off at anyone, but you do seem to have landed yourself in a whole heap of unnecessary trouble on account of your pride.

Why do the Courts have to have particulars? Because the law says they do. See Appendix 2 to Family Proceedings Rules 1991. Blame Parliament for that one. Try now to agree the Petition going ahead on the basis of e.g. splitting the costs equally, and save yourself some hassle!

Will C

I challenged the 5 year separation simply because it was not true the actual statement by W was over 6 years the truth was 21 months

Now P may well have been somewhat confused as to the missing 4 1/2 years and P's answer to me on that was "I thought it best as a No Fault on either side "

The rest of the particulars and statements of fact was in it's entirety a pack of lies, I challenged that with P and got no answers

I offered then to settle on 2 year separation with consent P decided no I'm going for UB

The allegations made are wholly inaccurate and yes I do care, why shouldn't I, the allegations are made against me no matter who sees them

I consulted a solicitor on day one and the only advice I was given was get rid, take her for all you can, this is not me, by doing so I would severely financially cripple her and I have no wish to do that

I am fully aware of the financial implications of a fully defended divorce, which is not my goal, should I see fit to not 'answer' then so be it, I am only asking for some advice on it

As yet I have only loaded the gun I have not pulled the trigger, so the feet remain intact for now.

I take on board what you say and indeed the advice from others, the result of which may well end up as uncontested