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  • Single 4ever
  • Single 4ever's Avatar Posted by
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02 Nov 07 #5701 by Single 4ever
Topic started by Single 4ever
Wondering if anyone here has been through something similiar.....
I know its a long post but please try to read it all and give me any support or advice you can.....

Had an arguement with my gf 3 weeks ago.
I found out she had been lying to me about what she was doing, found out after asking her mother at work where she was, her mother never liked me so I guess she took pleasure in telling me.

I asked her mother to call her and tell her the relationship was over and to call me about getting my stuff back from her house, (we never lived together), she said she would.

I sent a text telling my gf to get her arse home as I wanted my stuff and if she wasn't there when I got there, I would kick the door in and smash all the stuff up.

My ex called me a few minutes later with the usual comment 'I go where I like, with who I like, when I like' and hung up, I sent another text saying 'you better get home now!'

I arrived at hers, back door wide open, walked in, said 'so you have been lying again eh', she flew at me, trying to slap me and pushed me backwards, I pushed her off me and told her to not start this again (shes slapped me about before in arguements)we carried on verbally insulting each other, I asked for my stuff, she refused to give me it, saying she would call me later to talk about things and if i still felt the same way i could come back for my stuff, she also threatened to call her step father and 3 brothers to come and 'sort me out' if i didnt go, I agreed and left.

She called me as soon as I was home, wanting to know if I was ok, I told her I didnt want to speak to her, it was over and I would call her later to arrange picking up my stuff'

After 10 minutes of being home I was arrested, an officer said my ex had a tiny red mark on her cheek and that she had made allegations I had assault her,(this mark wasnt there when I left). I put my hands up and admitted pushing her but said it was in self defence.

At the police station I made my statement, I was bailed to appear in court for battery, on leaving the station I asked 'what's going to happen to my ex with regards her hit and pushed me first' I was told to phone the police when I got home to report it.

I did this, an officer arrived 10 hours later, a statement was taken, the officer said it seemed like 'tit 4 tat' and that he wasn't really willing to pursue the allegations I had made, I challenged this so he said he would still investigate.

That night I was arrested again for breaching my bail conditions, she had made another statement that I had been driving around her house and making phone calls to her mobile, at about 8ish, the people I was with told the officers I hadn't been anywhere but they didn't care, I spent another 10 hours in the cells, went to court for the breach the next morning, fortunately as I had people with me that night they were called as witnesses so I was found not to be in breach and was released with my original bail conditions in force.

I went to court yesturday, I have a clean record, I even have a clean driving license, never been in trouble before, I thought it would all be sorted there and then, I pleaded not guilty to her allegations my solicitor asked to call her as a witnesses her mother and the officer that arrested me this officer had made a statement saying her only injury was a tiny red mark on her cheek. The court date for the trial was set for jan 2008, I walked away still with bail conditions.

Her statement says I have done some horrific things, punching her, kicking her, dragging her around by her hair, 4 times I'm supposed to have strangled her, 1 of which lasted for over a minute, causing her to nearly pass out.
yet she had no marks, no brusing, no photos, didn't seek medical help, nothing except this little red mark on her cheek. she has no witnesses to this attack and she didn't call the police herself her mother did (probably because she was on the phone to me, wanting to make up, eh!)even the officer who took my statement said 'she hadn't been injured'.

I had a non-molestation order placed on me, I came back from court to a letter from her solicitors asking me to stop driving around her house 6-7 times a night, but that in this case she didn't want to start proceedings to commit me to prison for being in breach of the injuction order (how nice of her!, shouldn't think it has anything to do with having no evidence).

My solicitor seems to be focusing his attention on the strangling which left no marks, when I've ask him what he thinks he's said 'I can't tell you anything other than 50-50' or 'it's certianly not an open and shut case for the CPS' (which is fair enough). Im the first person he's defended that hasn't had a criminal record!

I've been getting near daily weird phone calls since all this has happened, I answer and theres silence for 10 seconds or so, then an advert is played down the phone, but the advert always sounds muffed (sounds like its being played down the phone from some 3rd party device) I always check the number which is withheld, didn't recieve these strange calls before all this ever!.
Infact I changed my home number the last time we split to stop her harassing me that was only 3mths or so ago, so not my people even have my new number.(got back with her because she told me she was pregnant, after a month or so it was clear she wasn't but things seemed better then so I stuck with it).
I've asked my solicitor to get her phone records and mine to, so I can show who was chasing who in the relationship (some days she would text or call me 30-40 times).

I feel really depressed, I'm not sleeping, been to see my doctor hes given me some sleeping tablets that don't seem to work, and some anti-D's, but said they wouldn't work for atleast a month anyway (great!).

I've made a formal complaint against the police for the treatment I've recieved, not to mention the fact that to date, my now ex, hasn't even been spoken to regarding the allegations I made against her for assaulting me in the first place. Seems some points are being upheld as the inspector keeps calling me about a local resolution to deal with them, I'm stalling him until the case is settled, Think then I might go for compensation.

Is it me or is this system completely and utterly against men from the start? why hasnt she even been spoken to about my allegations, its been over 3 weeks.

Any ideas about my court case? how can I even be taken to court just on her statement alone, no evidence no witnesses to back up what shes saying, nothing? whats my likely sentence if found guilty (I can't see how it can possibly be a guilty verdict, but then again I don't think it should have gone this far, but it has!)

Doesn't the fact shes clearly lied about me breaching my bail have any bearing on the truth of her other statement?

And why o'why hasnt the police taken my allegations seriuously? she says I've done something I get taken to court, I say shes done something and nothing happens, makes me sick, isn't this discrimination?

going to have a fag now, give you all 10 minutes to have a read, see what you think.....
My solicitor is dealing with this, but I have so many questions I don't want to pester him with....

  • TMax
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02 Nov 07 #5706 by TMax
Reply from TMax
Mmm You are entering the Twilight Zone where: lies are presented as truth, men as brutal oppressors, and women are sugar and spice and all things nice. Prepare yourself for, and expect, a tissue of lies.

Your paddling up stream with a match stick it seems :-)hard to put a answer to this as it really has nothing to do with divorce and I don’t think rules on Cohabitation have been sorted out yet, its possible that your problem may come under criminal not divorce rulings

Your legal position on goods I believe is:-

If you paid for something, you own it, unless you gave it to the other person as a gift.
If you bought something together and split the cost equally, then you own it jointly and equally.

If you bought something out of joint funds so it is not clear who paid for what, you own it jointly and equally.

If you bought something together and did not pay the same amount, you own it in the shares in which you contributed.

If you have both pooled your money in a bank account, you own half each unless you have made an agreement about having unequal shares.

Ensure all conversations with police are recorded.

Ensure all verbal communication with you partner are tape recorded.

Do not have any contact with your partner unless you have witnesses.

Be extremely wary of any reconciliation’s because of false-rape allegations.

Date, time, and have witnesses to every little matter, where you are; make sure your witnesses are of good standing.

Your case may be heard in the Magistrates Court or the Crown Court or higher court with a judge, depending on the severity of the charge. Your GF may be supported at court by the police Domestic Violence Officer, or a representative from Victim Support.

Your partner will only be called to court to give evidence if you the accused abuser pleads not guilty at a previous hearing. Once the court has heard the evidence, if you are found guilty, they will usually adjourn for further reports from the Probation Service, before sentencing.

Last but not least if you do bump into her do not be goaded into a slanging match, just smile, walk away, say nothing, and don’t give any 1 or 2 finger waves of loving cheerio and put id down to a Hard lesson been learnt. Once bitten twice shy and all that :-)

IM no legal begal so these are only my thoughts

  • Single 4ever
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02 Nov 07 #5707 by Single 4ever
Reply from Single 4ever
Thx for the mature reply Max...

Lots of good tips, I have been keeping a diary of everything I do, say and where I go, not been in touch with the now ex. not allowed due to the bail anyway, but even if it wasn't there I wouldn't, been spending alot of time around my familys place, and I don't go for a drink in town unless I have plenty of friends with me (ppl I know and trust).

I not really looking for legal advice, I know I ain't a bad guy because I know I haven't done anything to warrant this.

I'm hoping when it comes to trial for real in jan thats going to be it, case done and dusted, good or bad, then I can draw a line in the sand and move on.

Any views on discrimination from the police, seems that way to me?

Also Any views on the fact she has no evidence that supports what shes saying when it comes to court, or do they tend to treat her statement as truth... ?

I feel its a case of guilty until proven innocent.

I accept theres probably no lawyers here, but any views would be helpful after all magistrates are normal ppl too, and yes its being dealt with in the mag courts.

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