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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


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Filing a statement before a hearing

  • Jacko
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26 Dec 07 #9555 by Jacko
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sexysadie wrote:

Jacko wrote:


If your son is even mildly autistic he is likely to need long term support in managing his life - adults with autism often have problems sorting out relationships and understanding how the world works even if they cope well in the workplace. That he gets DLA suggests that his autism isn't as mild as you suggest as DLA isn't exactly easy to get.

The DLA is for the benefit of your son, so it seems strange to me that you are trying to have an assessment made that would risk it being reduced.

Sadie[/quote]

You are entirely right the DLA is his! Unfortunately she doesn’t see it like that. She uses it as her expendable income also claims carers allowance which is just farcical. He get’s himself up dressed get’s his breakfast all whilst she’s still in bed as do all his brothers they all take themselves to and from school. Ok the junior school is just round the corner. Once a week he takes sandwiches to school. If there not done it time he makes them for himself and his younger brother.He was diagnosed whenquite young and he has made vast improvements.

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28 Dec 07 #9656 by IKNOWNOW
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Sadly, I think unless you are prepared to question your x2b's care of the children and involve either the courts or other agencies in this, then you must bite your tongue and accept that is the way it is.

You can do things to change the situation. I really think that you need to change your priorities and decide what is important in all of this.

Yes it must be hard dealing with the false allegations she is making about you but do what attila suggested re the open letter. Don't waste money defending the divorce.

Instead, use it to get advice as to how best to protect your children. I think too many people are scared to stand up for what they believe. I for one am doing what I feel is in the best interests of my children, although many would advise me to take the easy option. I know I will have to pay my Legal Assistance back at some point, and it is likely that a charge will be put on my house; but my children are my world and they only have one childhood and I am not about to ruin that by going along with things. Money isn't everything and the choice between a million pounds and my children's health and happiness in life there is no choice. In reality it is a lot less than a million pounds, we are probably talking less than £30K but hey.

I guess what I am trying to say is this, take a long hard look at what you want to acheive at the end of all this and re-assess what you are doing. Get some legal advice, even if it is only initially - you owe your children that much.

I am not trying to offend you, I just think sometimes we can lose sight of what it is we are actually fighting for.

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30 Dec 07 #9696 by Jacko
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IFIKNEWTHEN wrote:

Sadly, I think unless you are prepared to question your x2b's care of the children and involve either the courts or other agencies in this, then you must bite your tongue and accept that is the way it is.

I am not trying to offend you, I just think sometimes we can lose sight of what it is we are actually fighting for.


No offence taken, though I think I've been standing up and complaining and getting nowhere. The phrase urinating into the wind comes to mind!!

I went to Social Services in November 2005 and they have been involved on and off since then. My wife had moved out of the FMH into rented accommodation just around the corner for 6 months. I was concerned for the well being of my children. SS said it's not for them to resolve our marital problems!! I went to them with almost a years worth of documented incidents with at least 4 visits to A&E self harming and overdoses of prescribed drugs ( I've lost track of the different prescriptions she's on) photos of her in various states alcohol/ sleeping tablet induced unconsciousness!! asleep with her head in a plate full of food, passed out on the bathroom floor! I've had to call an ambulance on at least one occasion.

When W found I'd been to SS she called the police out to me.

I have been to my wife's GP on several occasions about her alcohol and sleeping tablet abuse. One GP wrote a letter to Social Services saying that whilst she hadn't seen anything for her to act upon she believed my cause for concern was justified. Sadly she has left the practice and my W has told her new GP not to discuss anything with me.

I have also contacted the children's school's as well.

There was a care meeting called in early 2006 by Social Services attended by both schools. GP sadly wrote the afore mentioned letter and said they were unable to attend. Police domestic violence team and her Sol also attended. It was decided there was no need for any further involvement by the SS!

Prior to my W moving out she had threatened me with taking out a non molestation order and occupancy order which came to nothing. Whilst away from the FMH she got involved with a man who was already on bail for beating another woman . He badly beat her one night whilst the children in bed. I was called round by the police and got there whilst he was still there. I stopped the night whilst she went hospital. He has recently been released after a 12 month prison sentence for these attacks. SS got involved again!!

In October this year W told me SS were involved again! she said she was going to be asking for foster respite care ( this turned out to be a wind-up!) as me only seeing the children 1 weekend a month wasn't giving her enough of a break. I contacted SS and said under no circumstances would I allow my children to go into any sort of care!! and I would drive the 500+ mile round trip to collect them and would do whatever I had to do to look after them. I also asked why they were involved again I was told another agency had made a referral to say they were concerned about the mental state of my W. I was told they couldn't tell me any more because of the data protection act !!

She has recently got herself involved with a man who is 10 years younger than she and met in a mental health unit 2 years ago. At the time she described him as bully and looked on him as brother! He has been previously sectioned under the mental health act and has a police record for harrasment! Again I have contacted the SS because she has left the children overnight with this man after she had told me a friend was looking after them! the neighbours say it's a volatile relationship as he shouts and swears all the time. He also thinks it's funny to come out and intimidate me when I collect the children!

It's still more complicated than just described with police being called countless times and me being arrested 3 times. The 2nd time I foolishly accepted a caution not realising the full implications!! and I bitterly regret it.As now i'm considerd violent! it has also prevented me from getting one job so far.

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30 Dec 07 #9715 by sicofit
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firstly to get DLA and carers allowance all you have to do is say the child needs more than average supervision than children his age.. This does not mean that they are "severely disabled" as some Ex's claim. It's sad really as there are children out there who would benefit from the extra money and don't get it!
(I know people who claim these benefits and there is nothing much wrong with the children!)
Secondly money aside if you feel that your children are not being cared for then you must do something whether or not she will loose DLA. If her alcohol and prescription drug problem is such that it is over ruling day to day care of your kids then something needs to be done.
Keep mithering Social services until they do something for your kids...
Personally after reading your posts I would seriously consider proper legal advice! If you are not working you should be entitled to legal aid

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30 Dec 07 #9729 by Jacko
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b]sicofit wrote:[/b]

firstly to get DLA and carers allowance all you have to do is say the child needs more than average supervision than children his age.. This does not mean that they are "severely disabled" as some Ex's claim. It's sad really as there are children out there who would benefit from the extra money and don't get it!
(I know people who claim these benefits and there is nothing much wrong with the children!)


My sentiments entirely and almost feels as though my son really isn't entitled to the highest level of DLA as he certainly isn't "severely disabled" and his physical needs are no different to his brothers. Though as Sadie has correctly said in a post above it is his DLA One day he may well need it when he reaches adult hood. She is quite happy to send him and his older brothers down to the chip shop for food. Some 1/2 mile away which means crossing a busy large main road!

Secondly money aside if you feel that your children are not being cared for then you must do something whether or not she will loose DLA. If her alcohol and prescription drug problem is such that it is over ruling day to day care of your kids then something needs to be done.


She is very clever at covering things up and is very good at convincing people she's the sanest most rational person on the planet. Quite clearly she and I have quite different ideas as to what constitutes good child care. Which is the point SS have picked up on! When she does go off on one of her benders and renders herself incapable of looking after herself what kind of care are the children likely to get? recently I called to find she had gone out with my youngest son 6 leaving the 12, 10 and 9 year old autistic son on their own. When I later contacted SS they asked why I hadn't called the police? I will next time. Neighbours/ friends say she is now rarely seen at school collecting or picking up the boys. No doubts she continues to stop in bed as they get themselves up and ready in the mornings.

I don't believe she would do anything to directly harm them but her choice of partner I feel certainly doesn't do any thing for the safety of the C.

Personally after reading your posts I would seriously consider proper legal advice! If you are not working you should be entitled to legal aid


I'm now back at work having returned to the Midlands for my own sanity, better paid job and I have somewhere to live. Down side is less contact with the boys and weakens my case should I try and apply for custody. I did have a solicitor whilst out of work in the West country and getting LA his advice at the time was I wasn't likely to get custody of the children “you've been down the mental health route and got nowhere”

My W also said that her sol had said she wasn't likely to loose custody of the C even if she was a class A drug addict unless she did something stupid like going to court with needles hanging out of her arm! The eldest C is from her 1st marriage and she's trading on the fact a court is not likely to split siblings up.

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31 Dec 07 #9733 by Specialdad
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You need to

1. Get a Decree Absolute.

2. Finalize the financial arrangements try mediation before full court proceedings.

3. Have proper contact orders in place for the children.

Try to rise above the emotional fog and reach for the blue sky

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31 Dec 07 #9743 by Jacko
Reply from Jacko
Specialdad wrote:

You need to

1. Get a decree absolute.

2. Finalize the financial arrangements try mediation before full court proceedings.

3. Have proper contact orders in place for the children.

Try to rise above the emotional fog and reach for the blue sky


Yes no doubts your right on most of what you've said.The financial arrangements are more than likely get resolved in court I attended my initial mediation appointement and after explaining my situation was told by the mediator that our case was not considerd suitable for mediation for 3 reasons.

1)Mental health, my wife has bipolar
2)Social Services been involved
3}The policebeen involved.

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