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Does STBX have the right to contact me?

  • LosingBattle
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29 Jul 12 #345915 by LosingBattle
Topic started by LosingBattle
Hi all,

My STBX has decided that she is going to self-represent in matters pertaining to the children & contact etc. She is still using a solicitor for financial issues.
I am using a solicitor for everything.

It was my understanding that if a person is using the services of a solicitor, that all correspondence (in the matters that you have asked them to represtent you in) should/must go through said solicitor.

Not, according to my STBX! She keeps text messaging & emailing me with regards to everything, most recently, the children''s holidays (demands about drop off points that are 100miles out of our way :laugh:), putting ''our'' house on the market (stating that unless she hears from me within 24hours she''ll assume that I am ''happy'' to sell it?!? :ohmy:) & financial disclosure demands & threats (my solicitor issued form E to force her to submit her financial disclosure as I was fed up ofthreading 2 years of excuses from her solicitor as to why hers hadn''t been forthcoming, yet she insists that she''s been waiting for me!? :side:).

I have told her that whilst she is self-representing, I am not & therefore all her texts & emails should be sent directly to my solicitor. However, she disagrees & has stated that she can contact me about everything & anything & I am then obligated to forward it to my solicitor.
This is not only discourteous & unprofessional to both out solicitors, but acting outside of the perimeters of the law - is it not?

Could anyone out there PLEASE clarify this? If I am correct, I would like something concrete to send to her (& notify her lawyer of what she''s doing too) to say that she is making the law up to suit herself.
Thanks in advance for your wonderful answers - as always

  • Action
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29 Jul 12 #345923 by Action
Reply from Action
My immediate thought is about what huge solictor''s bills you will get if you allow your wife to bombard him/her with her emails/letters. Your solicitor will charge for responding to every single one of them. Why not try and address things between yourselves as far as you can and merely refer the issues that you need help with to your solicitor. It sounds like she''s shouting ''jump'' and expecting you to respond ''how far?''. Take time with your responses and try to avoid any knee jerk reactions (difficult, I know!)

Using a solicitor doesn''t mean that you can''t also keep communication open between you. The solicitors do what you instruct them to do. Are you attempting to agree finances between you/mediation or will it be doing to court?

  • happyagain
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29 Jul 12 #345925 by happyagain
Reply from happyagain
I agree with action about the potential for huge bills, be very careful!
You ex can contact you if sh wishes bu hat doesn''t mean you have to respond. Whether she tries to sell the house or not, your signature is required so it''s all a wast of effort on her part if you''re not prepared to do this, whether you respond in 24 hours or not. I would ignor anything sh sends you with regards to finances and collect together her emails and present them to your sol when you next see him.
If she is really becoming a nuisance then I would warn her that you are starting to feel harassed and could have a warning issued against her if she continues.

  • LosingBattle
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29 Jul 12 #345941 by LosingBattle
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Thanks guys :)

Unfortunately we have tried mediation & she seems to think that what was ''agreed'' on the last session is Absolute. I however, disagree, particularly given that she bends, breaks & makes up rules to suit herself as she goes along - so anything discussed in mediation really isn''t being applied anyway!
She is an unreasonable, unhinged, volatile, vindictive, revengeful b**ch, who will stop at nothing to get what she thinks she''s ''entitled to'' - be that at any cost, including our children''s welfare.
That is why I want every communication pertaining to the divorce put through the proper channels to ensure that she gets the reality shock of her life when the case goes to court.

  • u6c00
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29 Jul 12 #345945 by u6c00
Reply from u6c00
Action is probably right, it''s going to cost you a fortune if you let your ex spend your solicitor''s time.

It''s probably better that she sends everything to you and you can do the sorting. The relevant communications you can forward to your solicitor and the irrelevant ones you can file in the circular file.

  • LosingBattle
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29 Jul 12 #345950 by LosingBattle
Reply from LosingBattle
Thanks u6c00,

I think that I will be sending anything ''relevant'' to my solicitor & anything ''trivial, yet, potentially damaging to her'' in my file for court!

Thanks for your reply :):)

  • Shoegirl
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29 Jul 12 #345958 by Shoegirl
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Glad you will not route all the correspondence through your solicitor.

I dread to think what my lawyers bill would have been if I had let the solicitor respond to all the issues he raised.

Just practicalities though. Can you route all the emails to another account or folder so they don''t just ping up randomly? You can then choose when you look at them so they are not constantly disruptive.

My Stbx and I only have communicated via email for 9 months. It''s better actually for both of us as you can consider carefully what you want to say and always think before responding. I always wait a few days before responding to Stbx emails to ensure I respond in a clam and considered way. I can''t see anything in your list of outstanding matters that she feels the need to debate that could it be addressed over email.

My Stbx kept ringing at first. He got the message in the end and all matters were resolved via email.

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