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Does STBX have the right to contact me?

  • u6c00
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29 Jul 12 #346013 by u6c00
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It is an impossible situation for you LosingBattle.

I would suggest that you go to pick up the children as agreed. If she sends you away there is no way that your ex can tell your kids that you didn''t want them. If you don''t turn up then I''m sure that''s what they''ll get told.

Just turn up, be non-confrontational and leave when asked to. Don''t get in to a fight, because then she can make your life difficult, just go, explain that you had an agreement and that you''re there to collect the children.

If she sends you away at least your children will know that you still wanted them.

  • MrsMathsisfun
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29 Jul 12 #346016 by MrsMathsisfun
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Losing Battle.

Its an empty threat, she has a holiday booked and wont want to miss it.

Just reply. With what you intend to do, eg collect the children at x time and return to y place and time. Then ignore the tantrum!!

On the day turn up at said time, so that the children see that its mum stopping the contact. Distressing but better than letting the children down.

My partner has had exactly the same issue with his ex, in the beginning he joined in with the text battles now he is learning it much better to ignore and reply with what he intends to do and eventually she stops throwing her toys out the pram and accepts what has been offered.

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29 Jul 12 #346019 by LosingBattle
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She has said that unless we do the 80 mile detour the children will be going to their grandfather''s (who they don''t like) for the entire week.

I have made it very clear in an email to her the 4 options that I am willing to do - & that I''m willing to subject my children to - none of them are acceptable to her.
I will take your advice & send the email again. Then I will turn up on the day I am meant to & as per normal arrangements (& the added fact we have a ferry to catch) I will wait for 10 minutes. If the kids aren''t in the car with their passports (yet another problem area!) by that time I will have no choice but to leave.

It''s all about control for her. She can''t control me like she used to any more other than by doing stuff like this.

Glad / hope that issues with your partners ex are better, it gives me hope!
Thanks for your replies :)

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29 Jul 12 #346021 by u6c00
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Only other option is to apply to the court for an urgent specific issue order.

If you''ve shelled out money for tickets and your ex is threatening to withhold the children or the passports in contradiction to a prior agreement you''d have a pretty strong case. How long before the holiday?

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29 Jul 12 #346022 by MrsMathsisfun
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Make sure you include in the email the one option you are prepared to do (not 4 different ones.)

Yes its all about control, my partners ex has started stating in messages that my partner is being influenced by another party (think she means me!!) as my partner never use to be this difficult!! that''s because the whole time they were married my partner always said yes to her every whim. The one time he said no she had an affair because she felt ''''her relationship was getting out of control'''' her explanation for the affair!!

Now he often tells her no and she hates it because she just cant control him any more.

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29 Jul 12 #346025 by LosingBattle
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Ha! That sounds strangely familiar! What very sad lives these women lead! Apparently I ''control him & he always has to seek my approval''! Ha! No, we just have a mutual respect for each other & therefore consult & value each others opinions!

We have given 4 possible options which are all ''do-able'' & appropriate for the children. 1- dropping kids at their home, 2- dropping the kids at a friends house or a house en-route from the ferry terminal, 3- kids going with my parents for 2 days until she lands from her holiday or 4- kids staying with my parents for a week if she wants a break.
We don''t mind doing any of those, yet she has to demand the one thing we don''t suggest! Does she not think that a further 80 mile drive is going knacker the kids?!

Anyway, We shall see what happens!

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30 Jul 12 #346036 by zonked
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Losingbattle -

I hope it''s ok if I play devils advocate.

It seems to me that turning up at the ex''s door as described will mean the arguments over handovers are conducted face to face on her doorstep with the probability that the children will be exposed to it all. It also means the possibility of the kids holiday being cancelled and with that the upset caused (and if they do blame mum, that would damaging too).

Weighed against that is the extra 80 mile drive the ex is asking you to do, perhaps an hour and a half. Putting aside all other factors and just looking at how best to promote the kids welfare, on balance, might it be better to bring the issue to an end and agree the arrangment?

On future holidays of course you could anticipate these problems. Have defined handover points, dates/times agreed months in advance and enforcable in court.

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