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Does STBX have the right to contact me?

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11 Aug 12 #348849 by LosingBattle
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Thanks Action,

I really have reached the end of my tether with this latest stunt. I know that I will have been made out to be the bad guy, but this time I am going to explain everything to the kids & answer any questions they have. She doesn''t want me to speak to them about it - of course not - I may say something honest to them that will then make them see that she has done nothing but lie the whole time!
Well she''s made her bed ..... Bring on court, I hope the judge takes a very dim view on her actions.

Unfortunately the ones who have suffered the most are the children.:(

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11 Aug 12 #348854 by sillywoman
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Could you not have just kept the kids an extra two days or dropped them off at their grandfathers?

So sad the children have missed out on their holiday because neither parent would back down :(

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11 Aug 12 #348883 by LosingBattle
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Sillywoman,

It wasn''t about not backing down. It was about the fact that I had to go to work. I unfortunately I cannot have 3 children hanging around a hospital! I also have a legal obligation to be properly rested & focused for work. Driving an extra 160 miles because her father - who is retired - is not willing to meet me half way would have caused me to have even less sleep than I did eventually get. I have no come back if I make a mistake at work because I''m tired.

This was never about childcare, this was about her maintaining control over me.
I gave her 5 options of childcare & none of them were suitable - even ones which didn''t need her or her family to lift a finger! She moans that she never has time to herself, yet 1 option meant that she would''ve had an additional week to herself & have the kids delivered to her door!

I could''ve given her 500 options & I guarantee that still none of them would''ve suited her!

As much as I am upset for the children, she cannot continue to behave like this for the next 12 years. Furthermore, why should I always acquiesce to her demands at any cost to my health, my sanity & my wallet?!?!?

Thank you for your comment, but please try to be aware that it is not always as cut & dry as you may think!

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11 Aug 12 #348908 by sillywoman
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I wasn''t having a go at you, its just it seems you had your holiday and your ex had her holiday and the 3 little ones went without, this seems incredibly unfair.

Yep, I can see the control, my ex is similar in relation to stuff, but you know what? I don''t care, cos I don''t care about him.

Let her think she has control if it means the children are happy.

I didnt realise that grandfather had refused to share the journey. That is bad.

Could your girlfriend not have dropped the children at their grandfathers? Couldn''t you have kept them a few more days?

I totally see where you are coming from in regards no matter what optiohs you gave, none would have been okay, but I would have picked up the kids for the holiday and then worried about what I was going to do with them for the two days afterwards.

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12 Aug 12 #348990 by LosingBattle
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Again, thank you for your comments,but let me make it patently clear: We had a miserable holiday fraught with upset, rows, blame being appointed & constant going over what we could''ve done differently. Our holiday was booked soley for the children, so without them it was pointless.
She had a week in an adult''s only resort getting drunk & laid.
Our ''holidays'' cannot be further apart.

My girlfriend also had work the next morning, so couldn''t look after them. Do you not think that if she had been off that we wouldn''t have suggested that?
As for her dropping them off at the grandads'' house; as we were all in one car, her dropping them off would''ve meant an additional 100+ miles for her & the kids to pick up her car from her home before driving to his.

Your comment about ''picking the kids up for the holiday & then worrying about what to do with them for two days'' - I find absolutely absurd. Childcare for 3 kids is not something that you can readily organise at the last minute, late at night after a long journey.
I don''t even know where to begin with the issues surrounding that comment, but just a few thoughts ...
- the ex wanted confirmation of plans before pick up
- the ex was withholding the passports until she received that confirmation
- the ex was not willing to discuss anything with me on the day before or on the day, it''s hard to negotiate with someone who doesn''t want to talk
- if she was open to discussions, how I was meant to find yet another (6th) option when I''d exhausted every (5 in total) plausible & practicle options to her, I don''t know
- upon arrival back into the UK at 23:30 (as it happens the ferry was delayed, making us even later) deciding what to do with the kids when I am working at 06:00 the next morning is not practical at all & not fair on the kids
- If she had let me leave witthout a positive agreement & I had just ''worried about what to do with them for the two days afterwards'' it could have caused all sorts of legal issues. It would not have surprised me if I or my parents had been accused of kidnap. She would not hesitate in calling the police to say the kids were being held at my parents.

Anyway, this could go on & on. I appreciate that you think that for the sake of the children I could''ve/should''ve done more. I, however, am 100% satisfied that I tried my hardest to get my children with me on a holiday that they we were all looking forward to. My solicitor is in agreement & is astounded at her behaviour.
I hope that this will be the catalyst in our court proceedings which will legally sort out these continuing problems with contact & mean that it will never happen again.

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12 Aug 12 #349033 by sillywoman
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LosingBattle - I apologise because I didn''t see the extent of her behaviour. It does see very controlling and cruel to the children. Surely, the oldest one will have gone ballistic with mum for dumping them at their grandfathers whilst she swanned off and they were unable to go on the holiday you had planned with them. Have you heard from the children since? Tbh I would tell the children exactly the situation.

I wish you were my girls'' dad - he doesn''t bother with them at all and I would give an arm and a leg for him to take them away even if just for a weekend. But sadly new woman and her family is all he is interested in.

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13 Aug 12 #349217 by LosingBattle
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Please don''t apologise SW, the whole topic is a very emotive one & it''s very hard to convey the whole story on one little forum post!

I have spoken to the younger two kids, but with their mum sitting in the background. They aren''t allowed to speak to me unless she''s listening in as, yet again, she wants to control what is said by me & the kids.
Subsequently the conversation was quite bland, but a few slip ups by the kids have lead me to believe that actually she got back from holiday a day before she said she was. If this is the case I will be livid! I am going to ask my solicitor if it''s possible to obtain her holiday booking. If it is true, then she has not only denied her children of a holiday but she has lied to them as well. Disgusting woman.
The eldest one (15) didn''t want to speak to me, but I am sure he was far from impressed that his mum went on a shagfest whilst he got dragged to Grandad''s! The younger two were just (from the supervised conversation) a bit bemused as to what''s happened. She came home & showered them with gifts to distract from the facts. The middle one did ask what had happened, she piped up in the background that ''it wasn''t someone to talk to dad about'' & ''it''s grown up stuff''. Well, it''s not ''grown up stuff'' when it involves the kids directly, they have a right to know the truth. I agree with you when you say tell the children the whole situation. I just need to wait until I see them all & don''t have her omni-present in the background!
I used to be quite diplomatic about what I told them, but I''m going to be open & honest (as I always am) with them & answer any questions they want answered. If they go home & her lies start to unravel, then tough, she should''ve thought about that!

I''m sorry that your ex doesn''t show any interest in your girls. How old are they? Have they approached him directly to ask to see him? (I''m thinking that it may tug on his heart strings if it comes from them directly as opposed to his ex nagging him) I guess this is where I''m very lucky as my new partner has done nothing but welcome my children into her life. She even sold her flat to buy a house so as I could have them stay with me overnight more frequently. I am lucky that my children like her & I think it''s sad that your ex & his partner cannot see that his children can enrich their lives.
Ultimately children vote with their feet & he will only get so many chances by your girls. You will have the love of your girls forever. He may well end up a very lonely old man.

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