Where do I stand?

Hi all in divorce land My wife of 20 years has fallen in love with another man, someone at her work. She will not contest a quick easy divorce with a 50/50 split. I am an M.E. sufferer and have been clinicaly depressed over the last year as I have struggled with a self build that we foolishly embarked on and I have become overwhelmed with. To be honest I would have left me before now. She left on christmas day and came with him today to collect a load of her belongings. I am gutted.

She is earning approx £1000p/m and I am on Incapacity benefit of £280p/m. Neither are much. While she is on a career ladder and has potential to earn more my finacial future is less positive. She wants to sell the property from under me to fund her life with the new man and split 50/50. Whilst I still love her and want to protect and support her (and would have her back in the blink of an eye) I feel that my future is bleak and should thus have the lions share of money from the property, we have no savings only our incomes. I have also suggested that I should have a small amout towards my bills, around £80 a month. Am I being as selfish as she says, not politely? I admit am quite scared as to my future, as I could not afford a property and doubt that I could raise a loan against my £90 a week. Do I have any rights? Does mediation cost much? Sorry sound so down. Thanks for your support.

Hi,

Firstly, I cam sorry to hear of your situation, after 20 years together, this must be devastating.

I think you need to go and seek legal advice, as your situation is complex.

20 years is a long marriage, and as such the starting point for the division of assets would be 50:50.

However, your illness and low income are a significant factor in how your future needs will be met. These factors would be considered by the court in determining a reasonable settlement. I would not like to even hazard a guess as to how a court would decide on this matter, although I suspect that you would get a greater share of the assets.

It would be helpful for you to post more information about the value of your assets (marital home) and any other pensions or income that may be considered. Is there a mortgage on the property? How much equity? Also whether there are any children (and ages) or other dependants of the marriage.

Mediation is not outrageously expensive - It was £90 per session when I did it in July. However, if you are on a low income, I believe that you can get it for free.

Sorry I can't give you anything more specific, but if you post some more details, someone more knowledgeable than I would maybe be able to offer further advice.

I know how much it hurts right now, but it will get better. It may also be helpful to see if your GP can get you a referral for post-relationship counseling. It is a tough time for you.

Take care

Mike

Thanks Mike, it is great to get a response in this very lonely time.

We have no children. The property will be worth £140,000-160,000 when finished but only £65,000 in its current state. We have £5000 put away for building work and the income as described. I will have a nursing penison of around £2000p/a when I am 60 (currently 48) Jane (44) has no pension. I have worked in the voluntary sector on a low wage most of my life thinking we had time to work towards retirement and Jane has dipped in and out of part time work. We have no other shares or anything. To be honest I don't know what "equity" is but that is our finances as its stands.