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Has my wife got a secret 2nd mobile phone ?

  • sexysadie
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10 Jan 08 #10410 by sexysadie
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Because the most important person here is the child who should not have to suffer any more than absolutely necessary when her parents split up or even have a trial separation. She has been mainly cared for by her mother and both parents agree that arrangement is going to continue, so in order for her to have least upheaval the mother has to be the one to stay in the house. Mr. A is being a responsible parent in acknowledging this and acting upon it. Why are people encouraging him to put himself before his daughter's comfort and interests?

Sadie

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11 Jan 08 #10424 by topaz
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the child's wellbeing should come first, She should not suffer the insecurity of being removed from her home, her friends and familiar surroundings when it is unnecessary.
I understand the for/against husbands v wives ,who stays who goes scenario but judges in the courts put the welfare of the children first and foremost and so should we.
If there was no child then the wife could move out and "have her space" but with a child involved the parents have made the right decision by putting their child's needs first and their own second.they should be applauded for that.

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11 Jan 08 #10444 by Mush
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I'm not going to argue that the child should not come first, its the only thing that really matters. My argument is this: His wife decided to act the way she has without thinking about the consequences to her husband and her child, This man obviously loves her and his daughter and is willing to sacrifice his home and contact with his child to suit her needs, not his, why should his wife not be the one to make the difficult decision of moving out and managing her life away from the FH as looking at the whole story if they did ever split (which i hope they don't) then she may have to do that anyway and sell the FH as her part time work may not cover the bills etc. So my advice would still be not to move out or let her move out. :)

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11 Jan 08 #10488 by sexysadie
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Mr. A said early on that his wife has been looking after his daughter almost full time. If she moves out she either has to stop doing that or take her daughter with her.

It is mainly wives who get to stay in the family home because it is mainly wives who do most of the childcare, often giving up their careers to do so. Some husbands do, but not so many. So when couples split, wives carry on doing most of the childcare, to provide stability for the children.

Sadie

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11 Jan 08 #10494 by topaz
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Hi Mush,
I agree it seems unfair on Mr A moving out so that his wife can have the space she needs to sort out how she feels.I think it is because he loves her so much and is keen to save his marriage that he has sacrificed his own feelings in this and has agreed to his wife's request.I understand he is hard done by but because of his feelings and love for his wife and child he is prepared to do this in order to save his marriage.it's very difficult because someone always gets hurt and he is minimizing the hurt to his child by moving out himself for now and hopefully it wont be a permanent move. It is sad but his sacrifice now may help save the marriage and that's what he wants, to keep them both and keep his marriage.it might work it might not but for his sake I hope it does succeed and then he can move back permanently and this episode in their lives is history.

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15 Jan 08 #10721 by Mush
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hi Mr A, Topaz and Sadie...

I can't argue against making sure that our children come first, thats what good parents do. All i'm going to say to Mr A is look at the following posting: www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Forum/...-Help-me-please.html its a warning to us all about moving out. :) Take care..

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15 Jan 08 #10734 by gobsmacked
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Hi all,

I am totally "gobsmacked".

Yes it is right that the child or children should always come first! At whose expence though?

The wife who has been free to have and continue affairs only because her husband has been at work providing for "the family" is it right a man in those circumstances should move out of everything hes known for past years? Is it a good example of how to show a child how life is? Oh husband at work, wife playing away? does the wife set a good example of what life is all about, to the child she has provided childcare with?
Now suddenly husband has to move out so she can "find herself"? Its whats best for the child? Get real!
Maybe its time husband, puts child first and has the child care, whilst wife goes out in the real world and provides for them!
Maybe some men would like to be at home all day providing a stable loving upbringing for child or children.
Maybe they would like to have the freedom, to experience what women do at home all day, I mean come on, we do have time to play away especially when kids are at school!
Is it right for this man to move out of the MH, and stand to lose everything, but still continue to pay for his wifes infidelity for years to come in way of SM?
Is that what being a good mother is all about? Is that in the childs interest? Did she put her child first when she decides to play around?

Sexy sadies comments?

Why are people encouraging him to put himself before his daughter's comfort and interests?

WHY THE HELL NOT? ISNT THAT WHAT SHE DID OR DOES?

Yes children come before anyone else, but maybe the right thing to do is allow the parent whose selfless be the main carer! and by that i mean the one who has worked hard to provide for the family and done nothing wrong except love the family as a whole!

Stop bleating women! You want a new life? then go for it, you only live once, but dont be heartless enough to take away everything your husband has worked for!!!!!!!!!!!!
You give ALL women a bad name!

Kind Regards everyone!

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