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Has my wife got a secret 2nd mobile phone ?

  • Craig aka I am lost
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09 Jan 08 #10292 by Craig aka I am lost
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I can relate to this, I am experiencing the same issues with my wife.
I have sent you a private message if you want to chat more. I must admit, I could do with talking to someone with the same issues going on as me.

  • Mush
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09 Jan 08 #10293 by Mush
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Mr A, Your posts read like my life exactly a year ago. The truth is Sgutt is probably right and she has already had her head turned by another person. Your feelings and emotions are a carbon copy of mine and yes i looked for the evidence and found it. she never admitted it until i literally put it in front of her. Now there are loads on this site with more experience than me and my advice is only that... my advice.

We tried relate and it worked until she was challenged by the councillor because until that point it had been all about me being the one not paying attention etc etc. as soon as it came to her and her short comings no more sessions were booked. i just think that it was her just going through the process so she could justify her affair and 'that she had tried!!!' I do hope it works for you though..

The mobile phone stuff... mate she knows your on to her so she has either a sim card or other phone, don't go looking because it will only give her yet another excuse to say why she was justified in doing what ever she has done and it will only hurt even more if you find anything more out.

The trial separation is probably the key to moving forward in any scenario but one thing. DON'T MOVE OUT, if you want her to feel and experience what she will miss by separating then she should go to her parents and commute, it will give her, her space and let her find out what she really wants.

Though mine all happened last year we actually separated in December. We couldn't do the trial separation because it was not an option open to us, so after months of trying different things she moved out to another place. (which took me loads of time to sort out for her and my daughter) she's been their for a month now and wants to come back and tells me she loves and wants me. I know her affair ended in Feb last year so her moving out was for her space. So what changed her mind........................ Me meeting someone else, plain and simple. I showed i was getting on with my life and wasn't trying all manner things from flowers to trips away etc etc... I just happened to meet someone i liked we met the next day and the x2b saw us. So now she really wants to be with me and i'm the one who is saying i need my space and we'll meet on my terms.... The other woman i met no longer features in my life but the x2b doesn't know that and were starting to date and meet again. The tables have been well and truly turned and i'm taking advantage of that for now... But for those who are appalled at my gloating over the tables being turned.. i'm not bothered...

Mr A... get up and try to move on, tell her you want the separation and her to move out (saying that if you do tell her that you will be much stronger than i could ever have been, but i wished i had said that now) it took a year for me to see myself as me again. Its going to take time for these feelings you have to reduce because they'll not go away any time soon.

Finally, no matter what you say or do she will do what she wants to do whether that be carrying on her affair or moving out and coming back to you.

Take care Mr A and i hope your not too scarred after all this.

Mush:)

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09 Jan 08 #10294 by Craig aka I am lost
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Hi - I suggested a trial seperation to my wife so she can then have time to really make a decision if it is what she really wants. She agreed but said that I would have to leave and stay with my parents. I wasn't prepared and still not going to leave the family house and it will look like I have left the family.
Advice I had from others that in most cases a trial seperation is the first step to splitting up for good. It could work either way, she may realise what she is throwing away and want you back or it may confirm that a seperation is what she wants. I know things are difficult but please think hard before you make a decision to move out

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09 Jan 08 #10295 by Craig aka I am lost
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Hi - I suggested a trial seperation to my wife so she can then have time to really make a decision if it is what she really wants. She agreed but said that I would have to leave and stay with my parents. I wasn't prepared and still not going to leave the family house and it will look like I have left the family.
Advice I had from others that in most cases a trial seperation is the first step to splitting up for good. It could work either way, she may realise what she is throwing away and want you back or it may confirm that a seperation is what she wants. I know things are difficult but please think hard before you make a decision to move out

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09 Jan 08 #10342 by sexysadie
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Mr. A, I think you are quite right to be the one to move out, whatever the others say, because the trial separation will be very hard on your daughter. Children like to know where they stand, and a trial separation doesn't let them. That's not a reason for not doing it if it may save your marriage or make it end better, but it is a reason to let her stay in the house with your wife and be able to go to school round the corner and have friends round after school etc. - i.e. to have as normal life as is possible in the circumstances.

Being the one to move out is being a responsible parent, and you both need to stay being that.

Sadie

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09 Jan 08 #10347 by suzy_sue46
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Hi Mr A

I agree with Sadie, at the end of the day it`s not your daughters fault you two are not getting on so you need to try and minimise disruption for her and try not to let her pick up on any of the bad vibes because even my 22month old did!! It`s finally dawned on me today that he has left me not his daughter and she will always come first and I will never make it difficult, I hope you`re feeling a little better about things

Sue

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10 Jan 08 #10361 by Mush
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I can understand where sexysadie and suzy sue are coming from but i have to ask the question why should the husband move out. He has done nothing wrong in all this and from what he has said its seems he is a decent bloke and i'm sure a good dad. Why can't his daughters friends go to the house when he is looking after his daughter. His daughter will spend time with both parents so the upheaval will still be felt by his child in some way. All i'm saying is that why should she be the one to gain from her actions. Let her feel the loss not him cos at this time he is suffering so so much as you can see from his posts. Mush:)

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