I spent over 30 years walking on egg shells,dont let it happen to you,I only wish I'd got out of it over 20 years ago when kids grew up.hindsight is a great thing, no help to me now but it may help you decide whether you want your whole life going down the same route where the possessiveness, controlling behaviour, jealousy, selfishness etc doesn't get better but worsens as time goes on.eventually you're reduced to one half of a non existent marriage.no friends, no social life,very unhappy, isolated and no feeling of self worth and when the other person doesn't want you but doesn't want to lose control of you either by letting you go so applies very devious methods to prevent a divorce..think it through seriously, dont be pressured into giving in if you are truly unhappy where you are.you're young enogh to start again ,I'M not.
I lasted 18 years. Im 45 now and have days were I feel that I wasted part of my life. Then i think of the kids and know that some of the time was worth it. BUT, I'm divorced and he can still control part of my life because of the kids. Ive moved on somewhat, instead of revulsion and hate I now feel indifferent most of the time. Mind you the thought of his touch makes me cringe.
BUT Im still here and plan to do a lot more living. I just need my confidence levels built up again.You can do it too Topaz.
I can relate to most of what topaz has said almost a carbon copy of my life , I'm now 54 most of my 6 children are adults and flown the coop ! I have tried several times to get out of our marriage and failed miserably always believing that things would change , sadly they never did , now i find myself desperately looking for a way out of the misery before it's really too late , 34 years of being controlled i know is a long time , the only thing that kept me going was my children , now i don't have them around me because they went against their father , i feel truly isolated , i told him that i wanted us to separate eventually to divorce , all it has done is cause me more problems , he withholds housekeeping , relegated me to the sofa , won't talk to me , taking my shoes so i can't go out I truly don't know what to do next i have been rendered a beggar, i have no where to go , no income job ,and no future !
So here i'm at 2.25 am on this website in secret looking for a way to get out of my mess !
Is it really so wrong to seek some happiness now, or is it far to late in the day to even contemplate a divorce ?
Of course it isn't too late. You should get out as soon as you can. Things will be hard for a while but you are entitled to half of everything, including his pension, so you should be OK in the end. Could one of your children put you up while you find your feet? If he is doing things as serious as taking your shoes so you can't leave the house then probably a women's refuge would take you in for a while and help you get legal aid and somewhere to live. One room would be better than staying controlled for the rest of your life.
54 isn't so old; you could easily live for another thirty years, so make them better ones! You will have lots of organisational skills if you have brought up six kids which you could apply to the workplace once you have found your confidence again.