I have been following this story and in defence of some, I feel I have to say something.
Before I asked my x2b to leave I never realised half of what went on in people's lives during the divorce process. I made a comment on a thread started by Jacko and probably said a few things that I wouldn't have, had I know a bit more of his story.
We are all of us hurting, and many of us not in situations that we would choose, whether we instigated the divorce or not.
We all make life choices, of which many would not see as the RIGHT decision.
All I want to say is that as long as we put the needs of our children first and foremost and not have some warped idea that we really are doing it for the children yet evidently we are clearly not, we can do no more.
The children are innocent in all this and are hurting enough without being wrenched from the stablity that they know and need at a time like this.
I am sorry if this offends but I think there are too many selfish people in the world. We all have opinions on life and maybe we should be more careful how we convey these opinions so as not to upset people looking for support. We none of us have to agree, just show a bit of consideration. We all just need to remember, it is not always easy to really say what you mean when putting it down on paper.
42, I hope you didnt take anything I said as criticism. I just felt that with my experience what you were attempting was dangerous.
Many will disagree, but I think if you are in a situation you are unhappy with you either fix it or get out. You like me are getting out and I'm sure you have done a lot of soul searching.
Thing is what I thought would happen when I left didnt happen. I underestimated the reaction of my Ex and the lengths he would go to. I worry that you may do the same thing. I too have a new partner who my kids know and liked. Since I left (nearly 2 years ago) they refuse to see him, eldest wont visit my house, youngest stays but partner has to go elsewhere. To be honest he and I now now scared to push the fact that the current situation cant last forever. I'm scared that if I introduce partner even gradually that youngest will start refusing to come to my house. Ex reinforces this belief.
I really hope you can be happy. My partner means the world to me as do my kids but my world is split because those I love cant combine (even if they just tolerate him).
Ifiknew and Tinny
you make very good sense, emotions _-_are high on this site... but i feel that is acceptable, I suppose i have been fortunate in the smooth transition of a new partener, but he has done more with kids, in many ways, than their own father ever did/ or does
My kids and I have always had good relationship and are close as when with x2b he was never there and i juggled childcare work and my own social needs without knowing f he was in or not so I accomodated evry need of the kids, still do and always will
My regards and respect go to all out there on here as you all have the guts to face and share your trauma and not sit on it without looking for support and help through such s..t times
all good karma to you all
I had to leave my x2b over his abuse, my children loved where they lived and had loads of friends and actually had a social life, I was forced to move back to the UK and they were gutted but understood it had to happen, I am getting re-married and they will be going back, we are doing what we want but also it is what the children ultimately want too, my reasons for leaving were certainly not because I had an affair because I didn't but since i forged a relationship with the Man accused it looks that way, so yes reasons get blurred dramatically!
on the subject of merging two families, I had a 3 year relationship with a Man who also had a Son, he was 3 years older than my Son and everyone got on really well... until he moved in with me... then the fun started, it lasted less than a year, so yess please don't think that just because the Children get on as friends that all will be well when they effectively become family, Alfa-Male/Female syndrome springs to mind!
All the Best, you will have had some great advice from everyone here
This post seems to have stirred up quite a lot of emotion and even dug up a few old bones!
Everyones advice and opinion has been sound and respectful and exactly what we all need. Reasonably balanced and from both sides of the arguement. It really has been very valuable.
Some of us err on the side of caution and some of us rush in where angels fear to tread. No two peoples marriage situations are exactly alike but everyone seems to be able to relate to one aspect or another, and thats good and very useful at a website like this.
Thank you all again.
I will keep you posted as to what actually happens:unsure: