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Can't quite believe this is happening

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15 Jan 08 #10740 by Casablanca
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Hi all. I have been lurking around for a while, trying to cope with what is going on in my life and have found some very useful information from this site. I will give a little bit of background info before asking my question:

I split from my husband in Jan last year due to his unreasonable behaviours, after 20 years of marriage, the catalyst being his prosecution for drink driving. He left home thinking I would change my mind as I had done so many times before, but this time was different. When he realised this he became violent and I went to court to obtain a non-mol. My young adult son went to live with him and my daughter stayed with me. Since then he has paid two months mortgage and in October agreed to pay CSA default maintenance decision of £30 pw for my daughter. His net take home pay being around £3k pm, this isnt really too painful!! I met my new partner through some friends at Easter and even though it was the last thing I expected, settled into a happy new relationship. My xtb also met a new partner in October. I filed for divorce in October on grounds of his UB. My solicitor felt it was in my interests to persue a Decree Nisi to allow us to move quickly to financial resolution as he was busy hiding/dissapating funds from joint bank account and his business etc. He is now cross petitioning me on the grounds of adultery citing four dates in Oct/Nov/Dec because he has had me followed by a private investigator! I was in court on Mon re my Decree Nisi and his barrister and sol arrived late and had only presented answer and cross petition to court late on Friday. Using human rights legislation he has been allowed to reschedule and a full hearing will go ahead in three weeks when he will get to present pi's report and I will get to present witnesses to his unreasonable behaviour. In his cross petition he has named my new partner out of spite. Sounds like an episode from Eastenders doesnt it! I still can't quite believe it. The judge did say that it was quite obvious that the marriage had broken down and queried why it was necessary to go through this. He awarded costs for the morning against him, one tiny consolation for me. My questions are - has anyone been through this? Can anyone give me any idea of what will happen on the day? Which takes precedence my petition for UB or both our petitions for adultery? I have now got the chance to provide my answer and name his partner. In the meantime he dumped my son on my parents' doorstep bags and baggage because he couldn't put up with him any more!

I would be grateful for any suggestions, comments etc. I still cant quite believe this is happening and all this before we even get to finances!!

Thanks.

Lilac

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15 Jan 08 #10741 by Vail
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Lilac,

It sounds bizarre that you are both petitioning each other and running up needless costs. Ultimately who did what is of little consequence (although right at this moment you may feel very strongly about the matter).

I am surprised your sol hasn't suggested that you give up with your petition acknowledge service of the petition for adultery, admit the marriage has broken down but, if you so wish, refuse to admit adultery.

Your x can then spend his money on running the case, you respond.

If you chose to continue with the UB to prove a point then consider a non mol order that also covers the children.

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16 Jan 08 #10785 by Casablanca
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Vail

Thank you for your reply. I am meeting with my sol next week to discuss what happens next. I didnt realise when I petitioned for UB that the law allowed him to cross petition for adultery as I was under the impression this had to have taken place when I was with him and not after we had split up. In his petition he is asking for his costs to be paid by myself and my partner and obviously this is something I would not be happy with! Any further comments/advice would be welcome.

Lilac

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16 Jan 08 #10786 by Casablanca
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Vail

Thank you for your reply. I am meeting with my sol next week to discuss what happens next. I didnt realise when I petitioned for UB that the law allowed him to cross petition for adultery as I was under the impression this had to have taken place when I was with him and not after we had split up. In his petition he is asking for his costs to be paid by myself and my partner and obviously this is something I would not be happy with! Any further comments/advice would be welcome.

Lilac

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16 Jan 08 #10803 by Vail
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Lilac,

You are still legally married so you can still legally practice adultery (that sound's a bit odd!).

Your sol should be best placed to advise you on whether it would be better to let him lead the divorce process or whether you retain the reins, but it is highly unlikely that costs will be awarded against you based on adultery.

Each side usually pays its own costs except where one party has acted unreasonably in drawing out proceedings or not complied with procedure or court orders. Any 'fault' in the marriage breakdown doesn't come into the divorce process except I believe for unreasonable behaviour.

You have the opportunity for getting him to pay your costs but bear in mind that you may end up paying more for that privilege and it may not necessarily be worth it financially.

Good luck!

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17 Jan 08 #10922 by Casablanca
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Vail

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply. I understand my position a little better now.

Lilac

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17 Jan 08 #10923 by Casablanca
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Vail

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply. I understand my position a little better now.

Lilac

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