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lost and lonely and unsure :(

  • phoenix1
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21 Jan 08 #11311 by phoenix1
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I am on the same path as you, and you are not alone.There are a lot of people on here that will help you find where the path leads,the path will have steep bits and we will help you climb them, all you must remember is the path is tricky so take small steps untill the path widens and never run.
We have done nothing wrong and I know people on here say the kids come first but I think you have to come first. If you can come to terms with things and realise how to sort yourself out the children will be happier.

Take care and remember we are always here guiding and helping you.


  • JJ49
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26 May 08 #23630 by JJ49
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How long do we all have to be strong 4 though gone1 you seem to have been here and bought the tee-shirt already does life ever get any better because it just seems like it is all downhill from here on to me. I cannot see the wood for the trees at all i am being dragged along on the rollercoaster ride that i dont want to be on i thought i was happily married with 2 kids, mum living with me that stbx asked to move in with us when my dad died looks like now he asked her to do this to keep me a prisoner in my own home looking after her whilst he conducted his affair on my doorstep with a girl 28 years younger than myself who i used to work with and now he is living with her lying that he is not with her but sleeping on his mother's couch says he loves me wants to come back misses kids etc but i know he is still with her and he is using every stick he can to beat me and kids with even though it was his fault all this happened. He has not seem my daughter at all, and has seen my son for 1 day and a couple of 10 minute sessions in car parks! yet he says he loves us.

I am in agony with all this, not just for me but kids too. I dont know which way to turn and have even been to the point where suicide seemed like a sensible solution and way out of mess even thought in my stupid head that kids, mum, him would be better off. I have been married for 16 years and i HAVE been a good, loving and devoted wife i have always put my family first before myself gave up a good career to look after my husband and children done everything for him even run his bath etc and he does this to me now for some 22 year old tart who only wants a meal ticket.

Whats the point to any of it !!!!!! Now look at us lot cant sleep, cant eat, on this thing most nights, cant talk to our own family and friends, lost, lonely, isolated all because of something that has been done to us. It makes me so angry:angry:

  • marriaa
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26 May 08 #23632 by marriaa
Reply from marriaa
Hi ,I know it is very hard to digest,specially when the woman is that much younger than you,I am in the same position as you.But trust me do not let him mess around with your emotion.In the long run you will realsie that life is much better without him.You mean a lot to a lot of people ,so why shold you give your life up for a scumbag like him.If you do he will be laughing all the way to the bank.Stay strong ,your children will see you through it.There is definitely light at the end of the tunnel but it might be a long one.think positive even get angry with him ,it will spur you to fight and the pain will lessen.
you have to be good to yourself,he just wants the best of both world.You have to be that much stronger if you are going to be on your own.Just think that if today is a bad ,tomoro will be a better one.
take care

  • JJ49
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26 May 08 #23641 by JJ49
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peter if you have three daughters im sure your wife must do something all day apart from what you think......

  • Poppie
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28 May 08 #23844 by Poppie
Reply from Poppie
The pain will get easier and you need to take care of yourself. I have to admire you for trying to make things work with your wife, when I found out my husband of 14 years, together 17, had been having an affair with a girl 27 years younger I couldn't forgive him and didn't feel I could stay with him. I made my decision and in a way I think I did what was best for me emotionally and I was able to detach and take care of myself and my son. I sometimes think it is harder to stay and try to work through the affair. It sounds like your wife if very confused and you are trying to deal with her confusion which must be really difficult.

Do what is best for you but don't let your wife's behaviour destroy you.

  • bluefairy
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29 May 08 #23869 by bluefairy
Reply from bluefairy

If you really want to save your marriage a good start would be to imagine life from your wifes view;

You worked too much, you drank too much, resentment and barriers built up inside you and you think she didn't need to work so lunched all day with unsuitable people.

I am a mum of 3 kids with a husband with similar views.

I can tell you how I have felt;

unappreciated, lonely, critisized, unheard and basically knackered (3 kids + keeping home 7 days per week = hard work), any 'treats' such as chocs, flowers, meal out etc... seemed like a sweetner for sex later in fact it was expected.

Would have been nice to be treated as his equal and have him listen and be genuinely interested in me, to be supportive in me doing something like a course or a part time job - to feel validated.

I don't condone your wifes affair and I didn't take this route myself, but do you think she wanted the attention rather than the man? Our local tramp sits outside the spar and shouts 'hello beautiful' when I pass (I know he says it to every other woman)but makes my day and he's off his face!

Relate could work for you, we went and you will BOTH have to take a long hard look at yourselves. Didn't work for us my husband wouldn't put his club down and come out of his cave (violence issues). But I would rather have saved a savable marriage than go through this.

Must be awful to feel betrayed and will be hard to find trust again but I personally think it's best to exhaust all possibilities of saving a marriage first especially with children involved before throwing in the towel.

I wish you the best of luck.


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