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After Divorce - New Relationships, Security?

  • mick_dan
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30 Jun 07 #1087 by mick_dan
Topic started by mick_dan
I have a friend whom was divorced last year, taken for a lot of money and very bitter about women ever since...

Anyhow he has now met a really nice girl but is terrified of getting married, having kids and going down this route again...

I said I would post for him, just to find out what is a way you can co-habit without someone being able to take you for the home? and if he does have a child with this lady, married or not, will she get house rights as if she was married anyhow should they split?

Thanks on behalf of PT.

  • LittleMrMike
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30 Jun 07 #1096 by LittleMrMike
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I know what you mean ! Beginning to feel that way myself.

There is supposed to be legislation in the pipeline to give cohabiting couples rights greater than what they now have. I do not think it services much purpose to speculate because of course legislation can be altered during its passage through Parliament.

However I think there is a provision in the Children Act somewhere which gives a Court the power to transfer a house, usually to the wife, for the benefit of any dependent children, and this power is not restricted to married couples.

Could a pre-cohabitation agreement help ? I don't know ; but they are usually considered desirable before embarking on a cohabitation. Might be worth getting legal advice as to whether it would stand up.

Mike100468

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30 Jun 07 #1098 by Liago
Reply from Liago
I know what you mean too!

Can't offer much advice but there is no way I would contemplate a live-in relationship after the financial battleground I've just about fought my way through!! Will not be doing all this again.
Dating/relationship yes please, feet under the table NO WAY:blink: x

  • Louise11
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01 Jul 07 #1104 by Louise11
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Hi all, its little old me again!

What you really have to weigh up here is.........
Is this NP worth the trouble.
I have a feeling that if these things trouble you, then the person in question is not "in love". Call me an old romantic or fool, but even though I have been going through hell these past 3 years, I still love my NP and he can have whats mine! (not his ex wife though!!! lol)
Material things are all well and good but whats the point in sitting there with wads of cash and four walls if you have no one to share it all with?
If we all live by the set of rules laid down by whoever then what a miserable lot we would all be!

"dont spend more than 3 nights at someones house or they lose their benefits"

"dont allow anyone to move into your house for more than six months they can make a claim on it!"

"dont have children with this person, you'll be a meal ticket for life"

The list is endless and the myths are too.

Hopefully the question here is...have you learnt from your past? Have you choosen wisely this time? Have you given yourselves time to get to really know one another before you commit? do you get butterflies in your tummy when you think of this person?

One thing in all this is.....our first marriages were based on younger years, now hopefully we are older and wiser.
Another thing in all this is........we have now got a shorter life span than the first time round, live life as if every day is going to be your last, who cares this time round you may make another mistake? Some folks just sit there and say never again, not going down that path again, he/she may do it to me again!
At least you'll of had SOME happiness! After all if it dont work out............................................You can always get a DIVORCE! lol

Kind ones
Louise

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01 Jul 07 #1117 by mumof2
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Hi Mick-D
Read your post and I co-habitated with my x partner for 26 years and as the justice system re co-habitation is so outdated they do not recognise it, even the marriage guidelines and laws are as old as the ark.
I would recommended as been said in a post to go for an agreement, I am doing some researh and on a web site I found that some counties are recommending that co-habitees sign a document before moving in or buying property together.
Its a sad world when we look at the future and have to protect ourselves would the xs be the same, I dont think so.

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01 Jul 07 #1118 by mumof2
Reply from mumof2
Hi Mick-D
Read your post and I co-habitated with my x partner for 26 years and as the justice system re co-habitation is so outdated they do not recognise it, even the marriage guidelines and laws are as old as the ark.
I would recommended as been said in a post to go for an agreement, I am doing some researh and on a web site I found that some counties are recommending that co-habitees sign a document before moving in or buying property together.
Its a sad world when we look at the future and have to protect ourselves would the xs be the same, I dont think so.

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04 Jul 07 #1151 by Sez
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Just to add my pennys-worth ;).

My husband left me four months ago, and I was devasated, especially when he moved in with a new girlfriend within days of telling me it was over. A very good friend helped me through it, and I realised that actually my marriage had been over for years and we were just plodding along with the old routine because we were both too scared to give up the security of the marriage, despite the fact that neither of us were happy. That friend very quickly became my new partner :whistle:, and we make each other happier than we have ever been with past partners. He is now co-habiting with me, despite many claims at the time of my separation that I would never let anyone so close again. In all honesty, I've never been happier, and I feel like I've approached this relationship with more perspective than I did with my ex. I wasn't looking for a new relationship, I just suddenly found that I was falling for him and he felt the same.

Yes, I appreciate that when my divorce is over and the house either sold or transferred into my name, should my partner or I decide to split, I am running the risk of going through a nasty break up and having all the hassle of sorting out the house again, but I'd rather run that risk and be happy NOW than hole myself up in my fortress and run away from a chance to love and be loved for a risk of hurt.

Maybe your friend just needs more time? It's never easy for anyone, and we all heal at different rates and in different ways, and we all deal with this kind of hurt in differently. If he definately sees no secure future with his new partner, then maybe he has to ask the question "is this the right person for me?"

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