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Do i file for UB or seperation?

  • twinks
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17 Jan 08 #10905 by twinks
Topic started by twinks
I have been told that i can file a petition for UB against husband, fair enough, but although we have remained in the same house we have no slept together for almost 6 years :S

Yes i can go for the UB but as we have 2 children I really didnt want to do muck spreading, and he will explode.

Also the home we live in is in just my name but he pays the mortgage and all bills. We also bought other properties during the marriage. There is a sale about to go thru at the moment, contracts not signed yet. This is in his name. He is threatening to go banrupt. He has personal debts of over £120k. He would rather see me and his 2 children under 9 on the streets.

Been told that i can have a charge on his house so that i get my share when its sold, but am so up in the air about it all. Both our children are special needs so i know that the court and not csa will say about maintainence.

Our family home has been remortgaged a few times and the money being paid straight from my account to his, so i can say that he has already had more than his share.

He has turned very nasty and seems to want to hurt me, and doesnt see that that will effect the kids, i would rather they stay in their home, ideally till they are able to move somewhere else.

I cant talk to family or friends as no one knws what a mess it really is, any advice

  • LittleMrMike
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17 Jan 08 #10913 by LittleMrMike
Reply from LittleMrMike
From what you say, it is likely you would have grounds for UB but in your case, trying to do that might give rise to a good deal of unpleasantness or worse. What is his attitude to a divorce ? Do you know ? Have things got to the stage where you can't even talk about it ?

In some cases, you will find that divorcing couples can at least talk to each other and the ' grounds ' for a divorce on the grounds of UB are agreed in advance and go through on the nod - effectively a divorce by consent in all but name. But whether your husband will talk about it, I can't guess - you know him and I don't. It is possible, if things get really nasty, to get an order excluding him from the house ; it's called an occupation order and you would obviously need legal advice to do it.

Another possible way out of the marriage is separation + consent and this may - I repeat may - be an option for you and avoids having to make allegations against your x2b. it is theoretically possible for a couple to be separated even if they live in the same house - provided they are in effect living separate lives under the same roof. This of course is a question of fact, It depends on the extent to which, if at all, you do things together, share meals, or even sleep with each other.

As to housing - well, the issue seems to me to be whether you could manage to live there with the aid of what
resources you already have and what you could get, eg child support, spousal maintenance, tax credits, child benefit and the like. If the mortgage is in your name, reschedling the debt might be a possibility depending on your circumstances. You haven't given me enough information to make a judgment on this, and again some advice from a specialist family lawyer would be valuable.
Again for what it is worth, I have little doubt that you would have a priority need for accommodation under the homelessness legislation, but I regard that as pretty much a last resort.
Good luck

  • mike62
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17 Jan 08 #10918 by mike62
Reply from mike62

If you were to say that you have been separated for the last two years to obtain a divorce and he is amenable to it going through, then your date of separation is something that you just agree between yourselves.

You need to be prepared to show that although you shared the same house, you lived separate lives - Slept separately, cooking separately, did washing separately that kind of thing.

However, reading your post, it seems unlikely that you will get him to be amicable about things.

So Unreasonable Behaviour is the best bet. The reasons for UB need not be too controversial - see this post:


The sooner that you get the ball rolling, the sooner you can get the ancillary relief process underway where the finances are dealt with. If he is playing silly devils, consider finding and copying any financial documents and keep the copies away from the house (e.g bank statements, account details, insurance policies, pensions etc) BEFORE you issue proceedings. If he is going to get annoyed, better you have got as much done as possible before he looks into what may happen.

Best of luck Twinks


  • twinks
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17 Jan 08 #10939 by twinks
Reply from twinks
Thanks Mike and Mike :)

When we have talked about divorce before, we have both said that we will sit down and talk about it properly. But this seems to have gone out of the window, and he is in such an explosive mood at the moment.

I have been getting invoices, bank statements etc and hiding them so that he cant destroy them, hate having to do that, hard to believe that i was once in love with this man and he is the father to our children, he seems to want to destroy it all.

We are at the stage, where i would have to have everything ready before i tell him, as he has threatened to bankrupt himself.

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