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She's not going to allow me see my daughter....

  • wottaheadache
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18 Jan 08 #11021 by wottaheadache
Topic started by wottaheadache
Hi all

Things are going from bad to worse.

It has been announced that being friends and on talking terms is just too hard/painful, so I've been given an ultimatum of moving back home and sorting things out or not seeing my daughter at all....ever.

I'm stunned, she says it's what she thinks is better for our daughter....not seeing me at all, rather than seeing me one evening a week for an hour or so and at the weekends for an afternoon.

Obviously, I disagree that it's the right thing for our child.

Is there anything that can be done with regards to her legally enforcing her own desires? I don't want to have the divorce papers land on my doorstep and have them say that unless I agree and sign up to this then the financial consent we drew up a few weeks ago (when things were ok) will go out of the window.

I'm not a violent person at all, nor a drunk nor doing drugs or anything stupid - I just want to see my daughter every now and then so she doesn't forget who I am. :(

Unfortunately, it seems my wife wants her to forget who I am.

I really don't want to have to drag it through court, as from what I've heard, I'll have to sell a kidney to be able to afford it - and not only that, I don't like conflict and as much as I know I've hurt my wife by wanting to split up, I still care for her...I mean, you can't not do really after being with someone for 14 years.

Any thoughts anyone...I'm fed up of my own ones. :(

  • gone1
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18 Jan 08 #11023 by gone1
Reply from gone1
I am not an expert on child matters. Far from it. I dont see my own step kids as they have sided with mum.

You have a basic right to see your child. Your kids are your own flesh and blood. I would have thought that you continue with your divorce and launch a separate case to get contact. She cant do this. And its very bad for the kids. I would send them cards on birthdays, (photo copy them thats what I did) and presents. I would also ring them. But what ever you do dont rubbish mum to them. Thats bad. Chris.

  • wottaheadache
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18 Jan 08 #11031 by wottaheadache
Reply from wottaheadache
I'd never bad mouth her to anyone tbh, and my wife did say that she'd give her any letters, presents, etc.

She says she'll not do anything of the sort about me either.

My daughter is only 14 months old though...only within the last month or so started toddling about and making sounds that are more like words....pointing to stuff, etc.

It's not like letters and cards are going to do a lot:(

I just detest the idea of having to argue over seeing my little girl, like she's a bit of furniture or something. Just seems so wrong to have to force an issue like this when it seems to me like the right thing to do.

  • Fiona
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18 Jan 08 #11078 by Fiona
Reply from Fiona
People divorcing do and say daft things. Children need both parents in their life and it's not really healthy for children to be 'in tune' with their main carer to the exclusion of the other parent. You could try downloading a parenting plan as a basis for discussion to get the point across or failing that mediation is worth a shot. A parenting plan is available here;


Although co-operative parenting is something to strive for, in reality most parents don't seem to achieve it, or at least not all the time. To avoid the conflict which is so damaging to children's emotional well being you can agree to communicate only when it's essential and allow each other to parent to the best of their ability in their time.


  • madaboutcars
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18 Jan 08 #11082 by madaboutcars
Reply from madaboutcars
My x2b and I split when our daughter was just 1 year old. Unfortunately i had to go through the courts to get a Residence and Contact Order as the day she knew that I had found out about her affair, was the day she stopped me seeing my daughter.
It cost me about £2k (thereabouts) and I had to go through mediation and CAFCASS before the court had to decide as my x2b refused ANY compromise.
It all worked out in the end, i see her every other weekend for over night access and for a couple of hours each week. One good thing that I glad of, is that my daughter (who is now 3) just accepts that she has mummy, partner and new baby as one family and daddy, partner (and partners 2 children) as other family.
Good luck mate if you decide to take this road, i, and im sure everyone else on here will support you. Courts can be VERY expensive and i know of some dads that have not gone down this road and are just hoping that that child will come and look for them one day, i thank God that thats not me (but only because i had the money to do it)!!!!

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