Am I being unreasonable?

Thank you Josh and SexySadie (are you really sexy?? )

I really do want to make a go of my marriage, I still love my wife and I can't throw away a relationship lasting 21 years without putting some extra work into it. My wife is scared, humiliated and very stressed out at the moment and I understand why, but I believe that if she is serious about a new start, it has to be somewhere else. The city we live in is not the city we grew up in, we have no family there and not many friends.

I am in the Armed Forces (RAF) and have spent a lot of time away from home. I told her when we first bought our home, that I would not insist on her following me around different postings as I knew it would have an adverse affect on her career. All I'm asking now, for the first time, is that she moves with me to another city.

This might seem strange, but I've told her that I've effectively put the affair behind me(and I have, not completley, but almost). I'm now just concerned about our future. That is what is worrying me most at the moment.

I can appreciate that you feel that a new start is a good idea, and I think it's a good sign for the future of your marriage that you have so much empathy for your wife's situation. 21 years is a long time and I think you are quite right to try not to throw it away. It is certainly possible to forgive infidelity and move on together.

Why don't you go to relationship counselling (eg. Relate) together and talk there about the issue of moving to another city? It might be easier for each of you to understand the other's position on it if you have someone to mediate the conversation.

I am afraid that I am not sexy at all really. For a start, I am nearly fifty. It comes from the Beatles song.

Good luck!

Sadie

I bet you are really Sadie...

Just keeping your light under a bushel

Mike

We are going to relate, we started last Monday and are going every Monday from now on. Hopefully, this will help us both to move on. I still love the silly c*w, even after what she's done.

Thank you all for your replies, it actually helps.

And to end on a joke!!

Why do men die before there wives??


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Because they want to.

Despite my posts on this subject, I have to take my 'Hat Off' to you

Do you think that your problems with your marriage will vanish when you relocate? Problems have a nasty habit of following you,wherever you move to, unless you deal with them.

Angryman
I admire your persistance albeit probably just a prolonging of the inneviatable agony that perhaps lies ahead
Can i be so bold as to ask if you have been faithfull through your 21 yr marriage(not caught out inc)
I only ask as a woman and my perspective is that if you feel her affair will not upset future... do you have experience of getting past this
I would like to know how you get on and what happens
I would never forgive adultery and i would have left if unfaithful and given my husband the respect of doing so
This is only my opinion but hope whatever you do it works out ok
looby