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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Divorcing but still living together.

  • choksby
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19 Jan 08 #11117 by choksby
Topic started by choksby
My solicitor is advising me to stay. Property is joint mortgage. Wife will accept half the equity. We are trying to avoid each other as much as we can but wife is being provocative and i can't take it anymore.
She petitioned divorce and i agreed but she has second thoughts which i didn't.
What i'm asking is can i leave the property and it won't prejudice me claim to it?
Sorry forgot to say we have no kids and wife did not pay any bills.
I believe she is being provocative to a. get me out or b. lose my temper to get an injunction to get me out.

  • mike62
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19 Jan 08 #11120 by mike62
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Choksby,

Are you saying that your wife is willing to sell the house?

If so, it would make sense for you to go to mediation, get a documented agreement on the split of assets, and move forward with the divorce. The agreement from mediation can be made into a Consent Order, which is binding when the divorce is complete.

There is a risk that your wife may let you move out, then seek a non-molestation or occupation order and then refuse to sell the house.

Is there sufficient equity from the house and ongoing income for both of you to move on into new properties?

Perhaps it would be useful to post some more info on the value and equity of house, both of your incomes, any debts or significant assets, any pensions. Someone can then give you an appraisal of what might be reasonable

Mike

  • gone1
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19 Jan 08 #11121 by gone1
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I think Mike is right. If you leave she may get a non mol and occupancy order against you and you will find it very hard to sell. Just press on with the div. Chris

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19 Jan 08 #11124 by choksby
Reply from choksby
Thanks for the replies. The divorce is going through. I am just concerned what will happen if i leave the property. My sol says don't as will put no pressure on my wife to resolve divorce quickly.
Wife earns very little and has no savings. She has legal aid. She has agreed that i can buy out her half of the equity but will not leave until she receives that money - i.e. once divorce and settlement is done.
If i leave i will have to pay the mortgage and probably most of bills plus costs of where ever i go to so for that reason also is not ideal.
I offered her money to help her leave. My sol is saying don't make any more offers until settlement is reached.

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19 Jan 08 #11125 by choksby
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Apart from avoidon each other as much as possible while we are still together are there any techniques to avoid conflict/stress? Any suggestions greatly appreciated. have not gone down the booze/drugs route just yet!

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19 Jan 08 #11126 by gone1
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Chok. Dont go there. The answer is not in a pill or the bottom of a bottle. Believe me I have saved you the bother of looking. Its not there. I used the ipod technique in the end. For me that was the most effective conversation killer. Half the time the battery was flat and it wasn't on !! But that didn't seem to matter.

If you can move into one room and operate from there thats great. I never had the luxury and if you dont have another room try and improvise. Dont sleep in the same room. Thats a no no.

Passwd protect everything including the mobile phone. Redirect all the personal mail elsewhere like work or sisters, brothers, the pub (joke).

Open another bank account and shift all the DD's to there. And your wages of course. Cost out everything. Start with your wages and work backwards from there. Cost it like you were on your own and paying for everything. That way you will get an idea if you will survive. Expect to remortage. U can use an on line mortage calculator and also expect to give her 50% of the equity.

Do as much legwork as you can and this will save you a packet when you get the sols bill. They hate doing ground work anyway so your sol will love you for it.

Take charge. Decide the direction you want this to go and drive the pace. The quicker you get this over the quicker you can start to rebuild your life.

Switch on. This is a war of nerves. Practice the poker face. I used to do it in the mirror. Its the face that shows no emotion. No matter whats going on inside. Dont answer questions with your voice. Reply in your head. Honest!!

There will be times when you want to strangle her. Dont. Never raise your fist other wise you will be out of there quicker than you can say dixon of dock green. Also dont raise your voice. Keep calm. I know it will be hard but these techniques are very useful for life anyway so it will be useful in the future.

I agree with your sol. Dont make any more offers. This will be dealt with by the court. There is an old adage and its true for divorce. "Expect the best and prepare for the worst". Be strong dont make silly mistakes and you will sail thru divorce without a scratch.

I survived the worst abuse I have ever had for 11 months living in the same house as my ex her bf (she moved him in whilst I was there) and her evil siblings. All intent on doing me in. They tried everything to dispose of me. But it didnt work. They failed totaly. I learned the hard way and it took ages to get it right. It wont be easy for you and you can do it. But try your best.

Chris.

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