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Panicking

  • Ladybelle
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31 Jan 08 #12482 by Ladybelle
Topic started by Ladybelle
I dont know what to do. I dont know what will happen. On various threads I have detailed all my worries.
My current hope is whether S2bx will be forced to pay SM for some considerable time, either as mortgage or more likely just as SM if we sell the house to give us both some money. But even if he is it wont be that much will it ? and how will they work it out because my finances are based on my kids still living here and contributing. They give £300 a month now, but eldest will be leaving in about 2 years and he gives £200.
Renting around here - anywhere local is going to cost over £800 for a 3 bedroomed house and because of my disability/agoraphobia I cant possibly go further. When all finances are worked out, I would have about £100 a month spare - that's NOW, with all my benefits and kids money. He would need to give me £700 a month !! That aint gonna happen is it !! Or is it ??

Another possibility I thought of ? Is it possible to get money from a pension fund ? Could I get a lump sum money from his pension fund ? as a Clean Break ? Or doesnt it work like that either.
I'm being messed around by this sol I was trying to see. It's not really his fault, its as much mine but only because of my agoraphobia and dependence on my sister to be able to get me there. I wanted to see him because he specialises in advising people with mental health issues.
Just beginning to panic :(

  • maggie
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31 Jan 08 #12492 by maggie
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Annie - I wish I could give you a full and detailed analysis of all your circumstances and tell you how it will be - I don't know enough to do that
Why wouldn't he be able to pay spousal maintenance of £700 a month?
What's his monthly income after tax?
What sort of pension has he got - does his company contribute to it?
Can he afford a mortgage ?

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01 Feb 08 #12497 by peteringout
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Annie,

Stop panicking!! I work in mental health and agoraphobia is treatable and curable within a few weeks of therapy!! Why do you still suffer with it? You need to get CBT or EMDR depending on the reasons for your problem?

Peter

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01 Feb 08 #12502 by Ladybelle
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peteringout wrote:

Annie,

Stop panicking!! I work in mental health and agoraphobia is treatable and curable within a few weeks of therapy!! Why do you still suffer with it? You need to get CBT or EMDR depending on the reasons for your problem?

Peter


LOL I have had 18 years of therapy and never been cured. I was told by the local mental health unit there was nothing more they could do for me. I have suffered with this for 21 years now. It isnt just agoraphobia, I can get out with help. I cant go alone anywhere, I cant drive into town, I cant go into shops. It is anxiety, panic attacks, fainting as well as agoraphobia. My case is not simple. I have struggled to keep working part time at a local shop literally just around the corner and there have been many times I have still been unable to work.

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01 Feb 08 #12503 by Ladybelle
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He certainly COULD afford to pay it but it wont voluntarily pay it. My fear is that a Judge also wont make him pay it, but he earns £1800 a month compared to my £400. He has a very good pension civil service. He would be able to afford a mortgage with his new woman as she works with him and earns the same as him so they will have thousands a month compared to me.

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01 Feb 08 #12511 by gone1
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Annie calm down. You have a long way to go and you have not started yet. Its normal to feel anxious about this but you will drive yourself nuts.

I have been where you are. As we all have on here and its a horible place to be. So try and stay calm and try and resist all this stuff going on inside your head. I know it whirs round and round and will make you dizzy. The more you think about things the more anxious you become. Its a vicous circle.

You are worried about your future. I know I was worried about mine once apon a time. As you move thru the process it becomes clearer. But worrying does not help at all. You cant think clearly and guess what you need to do right now? Yea U got it.

Sorry if this sounds patronising. But you need to do something. Right I am going to set you a task. I want you to relax and forget about what you are going to get and not get. I also want you to stop worrying. It will only make you ill. You need max strength to get thru this.

I also want you to forget the diet for now. I want you to eat what ever you want. If you want a cream cake, buy one and eat it. Fancy a bit of steak for tea? Get the grill on. You get the idea?

You need 5 star fuel to performin a 5 star way. I speak from experiance.

Look after yourself and remember worrying for worry sake achives nothing as none of what you worry about happens. Its what you dont think will happen will happen. And its out of your control anyway. So why worry about something you have no control over. Be strong. Chris.

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01 Feb 08 #12541 by Ladybelle
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ChrisM wrote:

Annie calm down. You have a long way to go and you have not started yet. Its normal to feel anxious about this but you will drive yourself nuts.

I have been where you are. As we all have on here and its a horible place to be. So try and stay calm and try and resist all this stuff going on inside your head. I know it whirs round and round and will make you dizzy. The more you think about things the more anxious you become. Its a vicous circle.

You are worried about your future. I know I was worried about mine once apon a time. As you move thru the process it becomes clearer. But worrying does not help at all. You cant think clearly and guess what you need to do right now? Yea U got it.

Sorry if this sounds patronising. But you need to do something. Right I am going to set you a task. I want you to relax and forget about what you are going to get and not get. I also want you to stop worrying. It will only make you ill. You need max strength to get thru this.

I also want you to forget the diet for now. I want you to eat what ever you want. If you want a cream cake, buy one and eat it. Fancy a bit of steak for tea? Get the grill on. You get the idea?

You need 5 star fuel to performin a 5 star way. I speak from experiance.

Look after yourself and remember worrying for worry sake achives nothing as none of what you worry about happens. Its what you dont think will happen will happen. And its out of your control anyway. So why worry about something you have no control over. Be strong. Chris.


Thanks Chris for your reassuring words. It's just impossible for me to relax though - that's always been half my problems. Always worrying, and what ifs. But I am so scared. I dont really want rental, I cant take my cats. I still dont know whether to wait or file myself. I'm still trying to sort out a sol appointment.:huh:

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