A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


  • puffafish
  • puffafish's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
09 Feb 08 #13362 by puffafish
Topic started by puffafish
My STBX moved out of the MH on 28 Dec 2007. He has called round every day since then on the pretext of seeing our daughter who's nearly 2. However, because his name is still on the mortgage, he says that he can come and go as he likes, and has even threatened to move back in if I don't give him a large enough settlement. (I am hoping to buy him out of the MH). My two other cildren from a previous marrage aged 12 amd 9 don't like him coming round as he trys to cause trouble by telling tham that I'm a liar/I'm seeing someone else (which I'm not), etc etc. Two weeks ago he called the police and pretended to be a victim of domestic violence ( he's a 3rd Dan blackbelt in karate!),the police weren't taken in luckily, but it was still unsettling for the children. My solicitor has written threatening him with an injunction but he still keeps turning up. last night he came round and announced that he was seeing someone else; I'm hoping that this revelation might get him to stop this constant harassment. Is there anything I can do in the meantime? I petitioned him for unreasonable behaviour, he then cross petitioned me for the same but in the meantime contested my petition. My Sol said the cheapest quickest option is to sign his and dismiss mine as the strongest thing in his was that I used to "give him a nasty look."

  • Jacko
  • Jacko's Avatar
  • User is blocked
  • User is blocked
10 Feb 08 #13395 by Jacko
Reply from Jacko
Get the locks changed!! It will make you feel a little safer. It will be much cheaper if you can do it yourself if you can buy the same make lock you should get away with changing just the barrel. DIY front and back doors for under £30 if you shop around.

Okay it might not be legal but no one is going to give a monkey's I know that through my own personal experience. You say there is already a police log not exactly in his favour.

I should cover yourself by getting your sol to write to him telling him the locks have been changed. Tell him you will allow him pre-arranged access for legitimate reason’s like removing personal effects. So that you can arrange not to be there on your own when he calls. Visiting his children in your home isn’t one of them!!

Of course he will have to come to the FMH to collect and drop of the C when exercising contact arrangements?

If he comes round and tries kicking your door down when you’re in claming he needs to get in call the police!! It wont be you who’s asked to leave! When they get there.

I know it’s not easy but don’t let him bully you this way!

  • puffafish
  • puffafish's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
10 Feb 08 #13399 by puffafish
Reply from puffafish
He has a friend in the police who has advised him that he can break into his own house, as long as they are there to stand and watch. When the police came, they told me that, whilst his name is still on the mortgage, he can come and go as he likes. He doesn't have much stuff left here, mainly tools etc in the garage. He won't agree to the contact arrangements that I have offered which my Sol says are more than acceptable, he says he'll keep coming round every day until I agree to his, which aren't acceptable, e.g expecting me to go out of the MH while he spends time with the youngest for an hour. I did try it two weeks ago, but saw him up in my bedroom as soon as he thought I had gone.

  • attilladahun
  • attilladahun's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
10 Feb 08 #13402 by attilladahun
Reply from attilladahun
He appears a control freak...

Now there are times when actually going to Court on a issue does make sense....if genuinely the only reason he cross petitioned was to save costs he had no need to do so.....I would actually do the opposite and suggest that your open proposal is that your petition is allowed to proceed undefended his cross petition is dismissed and in return you will drop the claim for costs but H must accept the proposal by 4pm [a date 14 days from the letter-after which the letter will make it absolutely clear your instructions are that the defended action will proceed].

Now whilst it really doesn't matter who divorces who a feature of control freaks is you will always have a problem with that behaviour unless you put a stop to it...one way is ultimately warning H you will seek an occupation order and non molestation order....and if you do then persue an order for costs forget H giving an undertaking.

Now I had a similar case when H chanced his arm and when the DJ had a directions hearing he was told the offer by W to drop costs was a sensible and practical proposal that had been ignored...he was warned his cross petition was weak...and there were now 2 scenarios:
1. You prove your petition and his cross petition gets dismissed so you get costs...not a small sum so when you enforce...H is on "the back foot".
2. Even if you prove your Petition and he proves his cross petition you are unlikely to be condemned in costs as the Decree Nisi could have been pronounced earlier.

Another perhaps novel approach is to wait for his next controlling behaviour and harassment and then issue contemporaneously:

A Non Molestation Application
B occupation order which will give you sole right to occupy FMH to H's exclusion and at the same time the Court can order at the same time H to pay or contribute to specified outgoings like the mortgage of the FMH!!
C Your solicitor also lists for directions at the same time the issue of the defended divorce.
No H will have to attend Court as you will and if a compromise is reached the DJ can actaually not only grant the DJ certificate BUT actually pronounce the Decree Nisi as both parties are present at Court.

Compromise could therefore be:
Cross decrees -no costs-& D/N pronounced
Non Mol & Occupation order made giving you sole occupation of FMH
Even if no order as to costs

You have moved matters along hugely
Got protection and peace of Mind
Got your decree nisi which is important as no capital order of transfer of property order can be made until the D/N and is enforceable on the D/Absolute.

The fact he is seeing someone else will no doubt help in the financial proceedings if the relationship flourishes. He can start to control her instead:)

  • puffafish
  • puffafish's Avatar Posted by
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
10 Feb 08 #13415 by puffafish
Reply from puffafish
Thanks very much, I will speak to my sol on Tues and see what happens...

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11

The modern, convenient and affordable way to divorce.

No-Fault Divorce £179

We provide the UK's lowest cost no-fault divorce service, managed by a well respected firm of solicitors. 

Online Mediation £250

Online mediation is a convenient and inexpensive way to agree on a fair financial settlement.

Consent Order £259

This legally binding agreement defines how assets (e.g. properties and pensions) are to be divided.

Court Support £250

Support for people who have to go to court to get a fair divorce financial settlement without a solicitor.