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How do you know for sure it's over?

  • sjc200
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17 Jul 07 #1409 by sjc200
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I am on the verge of leaving my wife. I have talked to her before about how I am unhappy and how I don't feel I am in love anymore - we do argue, but not constantly - I just feel I've fallen out of love.

My question is (and I know it's difficult and extremly subjective) - how do you know for sure? My wife was my only serious relationship and we started going out when I was 17 (she is 13 years older), so I am worried I might just be thinking "what's it like to have a girlfriend / other relationship etc.."

The main thing that makes me think it really *is* over is that I am very sure in myself that if she turned round tomorrow and said she was leaving me or had found someone else, I wouldn't be that unhappy. I would be sad at not being with someone I have lived with for 18 years, but only from the perspective of a friend.

Steve

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17 Jul 07 #1411 by Shelia
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Steve

Sounds to me from what you have said that you know in your heart it IS over. It's just like lots of us, you wish it wasn't because then you wouldn't have to go through the painful and messy business of getting divorced.

Her leaving would make up your mind for you and let you off being the one who is ending the relationship.

Try asking yourself if you want to give it one last try. It is a big decision there's no reason to rush it.

Shelia

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17 Jul 07 #1413 by TRAK
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I had been married for 17 years and seperated for just over 1 now. when it came to make any decisions about stop my marriage or carry on i think its fair to say it was one of the hardest i have ever had to make -and it took me 5 years of not feeling happy (all the way to totally miserable totally uck ...but i didnt know why etc etc) and 2 seperate bouts of relate before i did decide.
even now i look back just to check and question - however i have no regrets at ending it. it was right for me, but was it ever difficult to do....
so try relate, try talking.... i only said 'enough' when i didnt have anything else to try or to give.
only you know if you are in the same situation, dont give in on a whim but if you have tried all thats a different story

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18 Jul 07 #1449 by gone1
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sjc200 wrote:

I am on the verge of leaving my wife. I have talked to her before about how I am unhappy and how I don't feel I am in love anymore - we do argue, but not constantly - I just feel I've fallen out of love.

My question is (and I know it's difficult and extremly subjective) - how do you know for sure? My wife was my only serious relationship and we started going out when I was 17 (she is 13 years older), so I am worried I might just be thinking "what's it like to have a girlfriend / other relationship etc.."

The main thing that makes me think it really *is* over is that I am very sure in myself that if she turned round tomorrow and said she was leaving me or had found someone else, I wouldn't be that unhappy. I would be sad at not being with someone I have lived with for 18 years, but only from the perspective of a friend.

Steve


For me the decision was made for me. But when I look back things had not been right for a while. When it came to it I didnt want her back. I would never have left her though. I would have just soldiered on. But I did love her just not enough to want her back after what she did to me.

Take your time and think if this is what you realy want and not just stuck in a rut. Chris

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19 Jul 07 #1464 by sjc200
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Thank you everyone for your replies. They have been enormously helpful and given me a lot to think about. I am determined not to rush things, although I have been feeling this way for several years now, so I need to do something as it's driving me round the bend! I will let you know how things go.

Steve

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