A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


People who have affairs

  • phoenix1
  • phoenix1's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
19 Feb 08 #14360 by phoenix1
Topic started by phoenix1
After reading ''Why do people start affairs'' I have a few questions to some people on here who may of had one.

When you start an affair with someone you know is married is it more exciting?

Do you realise the pain and hurt caused not only to the their partner but also to the children and there families.

And the question that I realy want answered for personal reasons is

Why did you start an affair with someone who you know was married?

  • Louise11
  • Louise11's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
19 Feb 08 #14368 by Louise11
Reply from Louise11
Broken

The answer to your question is very difficult as everyone is totally different.

But the real heart of the question is why is it the fault of the person who has had an affair with the married person at fault?
Surely its the fault of the "married" person, who is at fault.
Maybe the married person never told the other person, maybe he/she said they were going through a divorce, maybe the married person is just a complete liar.
I suppose once someone is in that situation and finds out the other person is married, they are so far in deep enough, they just cant walk away?
Why do people always blame the person who maybe just innocent in all this, why do people never blame the real traitor and thats the one who is married and starts the affair?

Kind ones
louise

  • phoenix1
  • phoenix1's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
19 Feb 08 #14372 by phoenix1
Reply from phoenix1
Louise, I understand what you are saying but a lot of single people ''hit'' on married people knowing that they are married and this is what I personaly don't understand. I would never chat up anyone that I knew was married or even in a relationship but people these days see everyone as fair game and it is this that I dont understand.

  • Angel557
  • Angel557's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
19 Feb 08 #14378 by Angel557
Reply from Angel557
I did not have an affair , but my friend was a mistress, she said i did'nt set out to hurt any body and could'nt help who i fell in love with , but at the end of the day it was'nt me who was having an affair as i was single.He chose my friend over his wife and kids after seeing my friend for 4 yrs behind his wife's back .In total they have been together 9 years now and he is still not divorced hmmmm me wonders why.

  • Milhouse
  • Milhouse's Avatar
  • New Member
  • New Member
More
19 Feb 08 #14385 by Milhouse
Reply from Milhouse
Bottom line, people are selfish, they think about themselves. Unfortunately, some people don't have the guts to end a relationship before starting a new one. Maybe they arn't capable of running there own lives? Everyone is different, that is the beauty of it.
Best not to dwell on the past, better to find someone else who shares your values and morals.

  • gone1
  • gone1's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
19 Feb 08 #14397 by gone1
Reply from gone1
Milhouse wrote:

Bottom line, people are selfish, they think about themselves. Unfortunately, some people don't have the guts to end a relationship before starting a new one. Maybe they arn't capable of running there own lives? Everyone is different, that is the beauty of it.
Best not to dwell on the past, better to find someone else who shares your values and morals.


Some people test the water 1st. They run relationships in paralel. Ease into the new one while extracting themselves from the old one. That selfish but thats the way some people are. Some people are also scared of being on there own so they do this. Gives them a continuty of service so to speak.

I have never had an affair so I dont know what its like. I would hate all that skulking around. When I meet someone and they check out ok I want them out in the open. None of that meeting in hotel rooms or where ever people go to be alone in secret.

I would feel enourmous guilt for what I was doing to the other persons family and from personal experiance it wrecks lives. All for what 2 people did there is so much damage. People that have affairs deserve contempt. Thats my view. Chris

  • geb
  • geb's Avatar
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
19 Feb 08 #14401 by geb
Reply from geb
Yes I agree with the poster who said why blame the mistress all the time!

My ex had at least 2 affairs, yes both women knew he was married, the second one was my best friend...lol...but I totally blamed HIM for the affairs. I was married to him, not to those women. Yes I am angry and upset when I found out about my friend and him but he ultimately did it to me. I get really fed up when 'the wife' blames the other woman all the time.In fact I'm certain I had my part to play in not making the marriage as good as it should have been, it takes 2 to make a marriage work.

In the end I am glad my husband did what he did because I am much happier now:)

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11