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Why do people have start affairs

  • Emalou33
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20 Feb 08 #14532 by Emalou33
Topic started by Emalou33
I think it is wrong to say that anybody has 'condemned' anyone on the site, it seems everyone has said that there are many circumstances and no-one can be judged.

I do however believe that there are individuals, my husband being one, who tell the person they are committing adultery with a lot of inaccurate facts, we had a very comfortable life, socialised a lot, had lots of cuddles, snuggles and love in our life until a very short time before he left. My husband told me my tax bill arriving was 'the final straw' - he left me the following week. We had money troubles and he could not deal with it, he had enjoyed spending the wages but did not want to pay the tax bill!! However he told his new partner he had not been in love with me for over two years. I have e-mails and texts from him, initiated by him two weeks before he left, calling me 'wifey' and signing off as 'hubs', aslo saying he was coming home for 'frolics' as he had had a stressful day!!

All I am trying to say is that whilst there are often many circumstances and two sides to every story, it is entirely possible for one of the adulterous parties to rewrite history in order to justify their actions.
I am certainly not suggesting this in your case, but it definitely happened in mine, my husband has even sent a letter to the court telling them that he left because of my behaviour and that I had 'confessed to several sexual affairs with other men during the marriage' this could not be further from the truth -in fact it is a blatant lie, I was too busy being a working wife and mum to even notice another man, but it makes him leaving me for another woman seem like the only choice he had!!!

I have wished every day since he left that we could resolve our differences and yes we had things to work out but we were far from over, we had vast amounts of positives in our lives, we were best friends and we shared a beautiful daughter and both loved her very much. It seems all to easy in my opinion to run away than to try hard to make marriages work these days. However in cases where people are clearly unhappy and suffering the only right thing to do for the children is to split as painlessly as possible and I support anyone who needs to make that very tough decision.

Unfortunately my daughter is losing out big time at the moment as my husband contacts her sporadically and she is greiving for her Daddy very silently, she bottles her feelings and I have occassional breakdowns from her, but she will not tell her father as she does not want to upset him.

I hope you do feel you can come to the site for advice and support as we all should be able, every one is in a different place and no-one should make judgements.

  • sabine
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21 Feb 08 #14679 by sabine
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the important thing is not to look for an explanation, because more often than not, there is NO explanation why someone cheats. One can try and quantify and look for faults, but every relationship has its faults especially if we dig for them.

At the end of the day its all about the choices we make. One chooses to take further an attraction, or accept an invitation to something that could end up in cheating, or not. It's about strength of character and conviction. I know we are all human and make mistakes - I could understand if one night, with a few too many glasses of wine, a good mood and a bit of an ego boost one fails and crosses the line, but if one actively pursues an extra-marital relationship, then that is no longer a mistake, it is a choice. .

  • mumov4
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21 Feb 08 #14681 by mumov4
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My husband left me ten years ago leaving me and our children one of 8 years and a new born of 6 weeks and went to london. After three months i tracked him down to this horrible place for immigrants and that he had a full time job in a pub that his landlord did't know who he was until she saw him in a paper as "missing". I came down to find him and knew that it was all about money and that i would probably lose my house but saved his mothers. I was to make what i thought was a fresh start with my husband and start again in a new house privided for from his emplyoyer who knew somebody that would give us a new house and a new start for me and our children. How wrong was i he met somebody that would give him better money and a new life which would again cause me again no amount of grief. WE had a good life until he met someone else that would give him a better standard of living. How wrong was i still living at home bringing up our two children while he went out every night supposedly trying to make things better. He found yet another job with prospects and another person that fills up his life without me and his kids. He told me that within 10 days of meeting this person he hadf fallen in love with her. Within 8 weeeks he had moved in with her. I had been with him for 23 years andf she had been with him ten minutes how the hell should i react?

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