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Where to start in this mess?

  • momof3
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05 Mar 08 #15820 by momof3
Topic started by momof3
I really do not know where to start...

T and I got married on 22nd Jan 2002, in Thailand and it was registered there, all legal.

Since then the marriage has broken down due to his violence. Whilst still together I was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2005 and we decided to both go on career breaks to see if we could get me better,take a long break from everything.

In April 2006 we started our career breaks and travelled overland to Thailand, with one of our dogs 'Koi'. The trip was not without its downs between us. On the return journey during an argument he turned violent and drove off without me(he came back minutes later). I was in constant fear of violence and vowed to myself to get somewhere safe with Koi and leave him.

On the return leg back to the UK in April 2007,we came to Greece and a particular island called Thassos. We'd holiday'd there a few years previously. I felt safe in my mind there. Within a week of landing there I told T I would like to remain there for the summer.T was already set on going back to the UK to work for the summer to earn extra money to fund a further travelling to Australia for a year.He didn't mind me staying there with Koi.

So here I am in March 2008 with Koi on the island of Thassos. T is travelling in Australia and is not due back in the UK until the end of this year.

We are both officially on career breaks. I am not due back to work until 2011. One of the rules of the career break is that I am not to earn any wage. Though they have ok'd me to earn enough to feed and house myself.

T, as far as I know is not earning whilst he is away either.

I told him I wanted a divorce and we officially broke up in summer 2007. Though we had been totally separated since April 2007.

We own one house together which is worth now in the region of £350,000. I have to check how much is left of the mortgage to pay. The other two dogs we owned are already with other families so that is sorted.

T made me sign a contract around our marriage time, to state that whatever he goes into the marriage with he will come out with. I agreed and signed.

The mortgage is in both our names, though T is in control of the bank, house, mortgage, that we both share. He said that I could not be trusted to do things and that he would have better peace of mind if he were to do it.

When I visited England in September 2007, T asked me to sign a piece of paper,blank scrap, 'just incase' he needed it for any compications and that he wouldn't use it unless I knew about it and that it was absolutely necessary. (I am now worried he will use it for making things difficult)Though I know I can always contest this.

I've been checking our joint email account whilst here in Thassos. I noticed this morning he has changed the password and now will not allow me access to this joint email account. This account even has important details from my work (contact details)

He said in previous emails that he would be in Thailand at the end of the year and that I could meet him there and get a divorce in the original registrar office. This is too expensive for me and far to long a wait. (I was hoping to get married to someone else this year!)

Online divorce companies only want to take the job on if one of us has been 'resident' in the UK for the last 12 months. All our post goes to our house,the mortgage is still paid by automated banking from our joint account which the rent of the tenants is going into. I thought that we were either classed as on holiday or something as we are still classed as UK residents. I have not registered for residency here in Greece, an EU country.

So far the vibes I am getting is that it will be long, expensive and painful.Becuase I can;t get it done easy whilst T isn't playing ball.

Meanwhile I am trying to see if I can really live over here. I may still return to the UK by 2011 if things do not work out.

I am not earning ANY money at the moment. I saved nothing of last summers 'wage' as it was only enough to eat.

I had been using the money £3,000 that T 'allowed' me to have since we officially split in September 07. It was resting in a savings account to earn interest,we both had one. Now it is all gone on food,rent,bills clothing,vet bills and the car I collected from England, and of course fuel.(when I visited England in Sept 07 I flew to England, collected one of the two cars T said I could 'have' - we owned two but whilst I was at work in England this car was the primary car I solely was using - so I drove back to Greece with as many of my clothes and property (personal) as possible.

T initially said he would buy me out and remortgage the house. He's now decided he will sell the house later.We still have property joint owned that needs sorting too, in the garage attached to the house.I can only guess this amounts to £7,000.

I do not know what to do.
I want to divorce him asap.So I can marry someone else.
T is not really replying to my emails much either. I am not sure whether he will acknowledge reciept of any paperwork he may recieve, can any be sent via email.

What a mess!! I am glad we hadn't any children!

  • mike62
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08 Mar 08 #16125 by mike62
Reply from mike62
Yes, very messy. OK a couple of points. If either one of you is domiciled (but not necessarily resident) in the UK, you can start proceedings for divorce. See the Wilivorce Step by Step guide to divorce (Resources menu at top of page)

Pre-nuptial agreements are generally not worth the paper that they are written on in the UK. However, your marriage at 5 years sits between the definition of a short marriage (up to 2 years where both parties take out of the marriage what they brought in, dividing any profits or losses equally) and a long marriage where all the assets are divided equally, taking account of each parties financial circumstances and adjusting up or down from the starting point of 50:50.

Forget online divorce if it is not 100% amicable. It just won't work. Try to find a solicitor in the UK who will work for you remotely. Perhaps near your home town or where your house is.

You have been separated less than 2 years. Therefore the only grounds for divorce open to you are adultery or unreasonable behaviour. Again see the Wikivorce Step by Step guide to divorce.

Not easy to do things remotely, but not impossible.

Best of luck


  • momof3
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08 Mar 08 #16147 by momof3
Reply from momof3
Thanks Mike.
I have found 2 independant out of about 20 mixed solicitors that MAY deal with my case, I have to see next week.

I am also today, researching how to do a DIY divorce,seeing as I cannot get the help I need. It may be even slower considering the lack of funds, but, what can I do? Seems farcical. I can understand how easily people can getting sucked into depression from this! Fortunately, I already know how to deal with depression! :)Battle on eh!

  • kidsinbulgaria
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08 Mar 08 #16150 by kidsinbulgaria
Reply from kidsinbulgaria
Hi Tracey,

Loads of info regarding factors influencing best country to commence proceedings regarding international divorce on www.divorceaid.co.uk/legal/international.htm

I am not trying to sell their services (just googled for them) but there does appear to be loads of free info on there.


  • momof3
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08 Mar 08 #16152 by momof3
Reply from momof3
The country for court is not a problem,as we are both 'domiciled' in the UK and have our home and post there.but thanks anyhow!

I will get the Thai marriage certificate translated into English,that sorts any overseas issues.

Am I right in stating that, once I've made the application for divorce and applied for ancillary relief, that the actual marriage may be over (including Decree Nisi) well before the financial arrangements will be finalised?

I question this becasue, I wish to divorce,obviously asap. But the husband is abroad and unable to get to his accounts and paperwork in the meantime to give the info to the courts, AND he said he will sell the house WHEN he gets back to the UK which is expected to be the END OF THE YEAR.

So, is it possible that we shall be 'divorced properly' before the house is sold and the financial arrangements are finalised? (considering all with the divorce goes well? I mean, its a shame to drag on a divorce just because the 'other matters' can't be resolved until much later...especially as I want to be free to marry another man!

So then , could I marry another man, even though financial arrangemnets still have not been finalised????

  • TMax
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08 Mar 08 #16166 by TMax
Reply from TMax
Marrying again before FH will probably not help your case and you could well loose out on a lot of what you may be entitled to, Id wate till after the final hearing first.

  • momof3
  • momof3's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
08 Mar 08 #16175 by momof3
Reply from momof3
Oh! I thought I could marry again as long as I'd made the ancillary application prior to getting married,so, ok then... so the final hearing is when the marriage AND money have been completely sorted at court. OK. Thanks SK.Callum

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