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CAn we come back from infidelity?

  • Emalou33
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06 Mar 08 #15968 by Emalou33
Topic started by Emalou33
:unsure:Hiya,

I was wondering, my husband left me for another woman 14 months ago, and I still love him, when I am nice to him he i kind to me, and clearly still cares about me, but life was so tricky for us, everything seemed difficult in the last two years, we had taken too much debt/work comittments etc.

my question is - Is it possible to come back from this, are there any cases where H has left due to pressure and formed another relationship, but the love for his wife and family seem too strong to leave behind.

Or am I just being incredibly naive?

Emalou

  • mike62
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08 Mar 08 #16126 by mike62
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Emmalou,
OK, nothing is impossible. But it depends on your reasons for wanting a reconciliation.

If it is simply that it would be financially beneficial for both of you, then I would say, don't even think about it.

If you both genuinely love each other unconditionally, then you might have a chance.

It is possible, but only if both of you are prepared to put heart and soul into it.

If one party is in the right frame of mind and the other claims to be in the right frame of mind, then that is a recipe for future hurt and emotional damage.

How do you know? Trust I guess. I have been separated for 13 months and I no longer trust my STBX. Without that trust, I could not contemplate attempting to rekindle a relationship. SO for me, no looking back.

But it is such an emotional gamble that you need to be really, really sure and sure for the right reasons. The injuring party needs to show and demonstrate their unconditional commitment to making things work. The injured party needs to be confident and certain that there is not a game being played out.

I don't know the circumstances Emma, but for some couples, infedelity has been the wake up call to rekindle the love that had faded. For others it was the final nail in the coffin of the relationship that was.

Only you can know that. But it is not a decision to take lightly. Look deep inside for the answer.

Take care

Mike

  • Elizabeth
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08 Mar 08 #16134 by Elizabeth
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Hi Emmalou,

I have to say I read Mike's response and I could not add to it - it is spot on - everything he says is true - I have not been in the situation you describe but I do still hang on to the love I had for my ex husband - he did not have an affair but is now with someone new (after our divorce) and I ask myself a similar question - would I have had him back? I waiver like a pendulum - but in times of sanity I know it would not work. We were together for 20 years and I have not been with anyone else since it happened - therefore I still feel in the same place emotionally - but he isn't - he's clearly moved on as he has a relationship with someone else.

I would work with the fact that you can still communicate well but not look for anything deeper - are you in love with him still - or in love with what you had when it was good?

I have no idea how I am going to "move on" (I don't like the expression!) - it's been three years - still hurts.

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