A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Vicious and malicious .. or true...

  • Mrs Ingledew
  • Mrs Ingledew's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
18 Mar 08 #17138 by Mrs Ingledew
Topic started by Mrs Ingledew
It gets worse ...

I have received a very nasty anonymous letter about my new partner.

what do I do?

It looks legit but it contains some nasty revelations in my opinion (nothing illegal by the way. I know I am naive and unworldly after all I married my 2nd boyfriend!

My new man has been honest about having done the men behaving badly bit and now anting to be more serious and look to settle but I have said not yet...

The letter alludes to past conquests and gives info from dating sites... it also says he was incontact with an ex to say he missed her in Feb this year.

I know he had phone calls at New Year that he rejected and a Christmas card and Valentines card that he burnt ...

what do I do... what would you do...

  • phoenix1
  • phoenix1's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
18 Mar 08 #17140 by phoenix1
Reply from phoenix1
Very tough question to answer, But maybe the ex wrote the letter to get rid of you so she could move in on him again?? Who knows? The real question I suppose is, do you trust him?

When you answer that you will know what to do about the letter.

  • Tinny
  • Tinny's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
18 Mar 08 #17141 by Tinny
Reply from Tinny
Taylr
Do you trust him?
I had the same problem after I told Ex I was leaving. Anonymous letters arrived addressed to me at work but because we have a no secrets policy they were opened and so the details were public knowledge. Both letters were different, about slightly different subjects but one was about my new partner and along the same lines as yours seem to be. I found them recently and have no doubt they came from the same source – although typed the envelopes were handwritten and the writing is just too similar.
I don’t know what you should do. I trusted my NP but then I had known him for a long time(as a friend). I showed him the letters and he was understandably annoyed and hurt. Then we thought, why should we let it bother us, us being happy was more important. So that’s what we did.
Hope you get it sorted.
Tinny

  • mike62
  • mike62's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
19 Mar 08 #17231 by mike62
Reply from mike62
Taylr,
it strikes me that someone knows your weak spot and is playing out an elaborate mind game. I remember moths ago how you agonized as to whether it was too soon to take up with a new man. The new man who was everything the old one wasn't.

Someone is deliberately putting a spanner in your works. So how to react?

If it were me, I would show the letter to the new partner. Then gauge his reaction. Tough one, as you might not like his reaction. But if that is the case, does that imply substance to the allegations?

If he is suitably upset and open and honest with you, you may have taken a step further to justifying your trust in him. He is still a decent man.

I know you have a huge trust issue, so I can see it is tearing you apart. And the ex is being a git too. Just don't need it.

But for me, just show him the letter and ask what his thoughts are.

Easy for me to say, very hard for you to do. Good luck.

Mike

  • Mrs Ingledew
  • Mrs Ingledew's Avatar Posted by
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
20 Mar 08 #17306 by Mrs Ingledew
Reply from Mrs Ingledew
Mike62
Thanks. I will think on this a bit longer and then let you know what I do...

  • kidsinbulgaria
  • kidsinbulgaria's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
20 Mar 08 #17316 by kidsinbulgaria
Reply from kidsinbulgaria
Hi Taylr14,

Now that the seed of doubt has been planted I would think that a lot of people would need answers. Only you know if you are one of them. Maybe not today, tomorrow but at some point in the future.

Playing devils advocate now, if you keep this information to yourself then you are in fact deceiving him !!!!! Can you live with that ?

It may be something or it may be nothing.... You would have to be prepared for any kind of worst case scenario answer ? On the other hand his reassurance could cement your relationship further..

I would suggest that if you decide to raise the issue, read some of these pointers so as not to inflame the situation further. A calm and considered sit down approach would be far better than the blurting out, red in face, hands around his throat approach..

Here is a good site about deception issues how best to confront your partner about doubts or accusations.www.truthaboutdeception.com/confront_a_l...nting_a_partner.html

Listen to your own heart and brain because hey, what do I know.....i'm divorced !!!!!

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11