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kids are being put at risk, how do i deal with it

  • twinks
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23 Mar 08 #17448 by twinks
Topic started by twinks
Well week 2 of s2bx having the children although lat week he didnt show up. Yesterday he took them 5 and 9 to work with him and his 13 year old daughter with ex gf, His works are on a farm, when the kids came back my son said that while daddy was working that the 13 year old was 'in charge' and took them on a 2 mile walk, my anders are as follows.

1. The farm is huge, there is also a golf course on it, anything could hve happened to them, run off, injured, grabbed by a perv

2. both of our children have autism and no sence of danger

3. neither was wearing a coat, daughter has already been ill with a poorly chest, she was wearing trousers, t shirt and a thin hooded top and shoes, NO COAT, in this weather. Son said it was very cold, windy, hailstones, sleet and snow so they were soaked.

I spent all night up with daughter who is 5, asshe was coughing so much she was being sick.

How can be be so irresponsible? Son also said that grandad (yes the dad that was with ex while he was kicking the front door in) told him not to give me a penny. So grandad is happy to see his grandchildren starve as I havent had a penny and hes been gone 3 weeks.

Questions: Can i stop thekids seeing grandad until he start bloody acting like a proper one and What do I do about the risk to the kids. The farm is also full of workshops so people around, farm machinary, people even go shooting on the land. Both kids have a SW with the disbled childrens team, do I tell them?

I am seeing sol on wed but so far she has been useless.

I havent even been able to get the kids an easter egg and I feel totally poop.

  • mike62
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23 Mar 08 #17450 by mike62
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Twinks,
What an awful situation to be in. It is so hard with child contact issues to maintain a balance between being fair to the children and reasonable with the former spouse. He is being a complete swine, and is allowing his father to do so as well.
Did your solicitor talk about maintenance pending suit? This is an interim arrangement until divorce proceedings are fully underway. It can be dealt with quite quickly by the courts. Are you in a position to borrow from friends or family for now? Humiliating, yes, but necessary.
As to contact, I would stop any further contact until he starts behaving like a father to the kids. It is very tough on the kids, particularly given their special needs. But he has to understand that he cannot carry on behaving like he has been. Maybe write him a letter outlining your concerns. But factual, no emotion, no sniping, nothing that he could see as being a personal dig at him. Better it comes from you first rather than from solicitor
1. Children are vulnerable
2. Children need adequate care when with him
3. No money, no contact
4. Grandad has to clean up his act
If all of the above are addressed contact may continue. Otherwise you will be discussing matters with social worker and further action may be necessary.

Twinks, are you claiming benefits? Are you getting what you should be getting? Have you checked the 'entitledto' website?

Really sorry you are having such a crappy time of it at the moment. Wish I could help you more.
Take care
Mike

  • Angel557
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23 Mar 08 #17451 by Angel557
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Hi Twinks

Hmmmm where is this mans brain , whilst the 13 yo may mean very well she is far too young to cope with 2 special needs kids as much as you don't want to wrap them up in cotton wool there is that fine line between what is acceptable and what is not, for these sort of children.My 2 when they stayed at ex's g/f house 2 yrs ago they woke up to find they were being looked after by her 11 yo son as those 2 went shopping, so there was no adult there to give my son his meds and if my son had of kicked off it would of taken more than an 11 yo to calm him.

Yesterday was a very cold day and to have taken the children out in that weather without a coat is just plain stupid.

Whilst contact and maintenance don't go hand in hand i agree with mike , father needs to sort himself out .


I found this on a website regarding parental responsibilty

Ordinary everyday decisions about what a child should eat or who a child should spend time with will generally be assumed to be down to the parent with whom the child is with at the relevant time.ýý The court will only interfere if the decision of that person is going to cause the child some harm.

The non-resident parent may want the child to spend time with his grandfather.ý The mother may not like the grandfather.ý The court is only likely to interfere if the child is at some sort of risk.

Conditions to orders can be very specific.ý They could include:


the child is not to be brought into contact with person X;
the child is only allowed to be in contact with person X if another responsible adult is present;
the child is not allowed to be taken to place Y;


If my ex goes for a contact order wanting to see the kids not that i have stopped him , i will be using these along with his parents backing as to why my children should not be seeing his g/f.

  • twinks
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23 Mar 08 #17456 by twinks
Reply from twinks
Thanks for the advicexx

Mike, this is part of the letter from his sol,as my sol had said either fill the form E wit proper proposals or we go for court.

Your client may well threaten to issue an application for maintenance pending suit, but she appears to fail to take ito account our clients precarious financial situation, the courts are unlikely to make an order when doing so would effectively push him into bankruptcy and thereafter to reply on state benefits, especially when the applicant already has recourse to state benefits.

He has been planning n iva for months, so was trying to sell an investment property hide the money then file an iva, he has also got all bank accounts to OD. He told me all of this before I filed for divorce. I have all paperwork, including a stack full of invoices he did for cash jobs, he is self employed, so can hide an income. And clearly he will with the help of his family.

I have put a homes right on the investment property as it was bought during marriage with the profits from a house i owned. But I am going to apply for the maintence pending suit

As for benefits, I get the usual child benefit and disability living allowence for my son and thats all. I have applied for council tax benefit. The FMH was in my name and is interest only, so no idea what to do there.

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