When things turn nasty

Hello all,

I was looking to get divorce and stated to my soon to be ex that i want to do this in the nicest way possible.
But things have turned quite nasty from her side she keeps sending very abusive emails and texts! as an example saying i'm not allowed to see my step daughter again until the divorce is over and if i don't reply to her emails then she will tell her that i have lied to her and that i don't really want to see her again. The fact is they both live abroad now and my step daughter hates it where she is and wants to come home. Do i now get a solicitor involved and keep all these texts and emails. This is not the path i wanted to choose.

I'm sorry to hear that your wife is taking things badly.

I don't know the background to your separation, but it is very common that one partner comes to terms with the separation whilst the other finds it hard to take and goes through many emotions, depression, anger, resentment etc.

We have experience in our team of exactly this situation and of being told that you cannot see your child until after the divorce.

A contested divorce can take a long while - perhaps a year or more - and so you really should try to sort out the contact issue before then.

Of course ultimately you can go to court for contact - but as she is abroad then it will be extremely difficult to enforce.

We feel that the best plan is to persevere with the co-operative approach.

One key early step is to petition for divorce - but this can be seen as an aggressive action - so you might consider instead going for a separartion agreement which can formalise you contact and finances whilst she comes to terms with the idea of divorce.

Another strong recommendation is to use mediation services. These can really help avoid battling each other via solicitors.

Your wife is only storing up trouble for herself by her behaviour and by lying to your step daughter who will almost certainly eventually discover the truth of the situation. Using children as weapons or bargaining chips in a separation or divorce is unforgiveable although unfortunately it happens all too often and is something of which I have personal experience. It is incredibly hard but try not to get rattled. Keeping some kind of dialogue going with your wife is essential even if all you get is grief. It is more than likely that she will eventually tire of her own bad behaviour although it may take some time.