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The worst ex in the universe!!

  • exisabitch
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28 Aug 07 #2548 by exisabitch
Topic started by exisabitch
Wow..I think I have the worst ex in the universe!
Seperated last September after a few years of putting up with her for the sake of the 2 boys we have together. I, one day, realised that this was probably going to be the biggest mistake of my life (other than marrying the b*t*h) so told her I didn't love her any longer and that I hadn't for a long time. I moved out and met someone else who I am now living with and very happy. My ex is SO SO bitter about the whole situation that she has stopped me from seeing my sons, won't even let me speak to them on the phone, won't even tell them that I am calling to speak to them. She even withheld the birthday presents I sent by post, saying that she'd think about giving them the presents but to this day I don't know if they've recieved them!!! She is one vindictive bitch! My solicitors bill is currently £800 and I have not made any progress with the divorce at all, all of the costs represent letters to and from her solicitor trying to get some sort of reasonable answer out of her as to why I can't see the boys!
I am now thinking about representing myself as I can see this is gonig to cost me a fortune if I decide to continue to have a solicitor represent me. There is a house involved with substantial equity and debts which I am currently paying off but finding it difficult especially when I've made a new life for myself and paying my way there too.

If anyone cares to spare me 10 minutes and give me your views or advice I'd gladly accept it because up till now I've gone it alone with this divorce, some help or advice wouldn't go amiss!

Many thanks.

Paul.

  • markp
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28 Aug 07 #2550 by markp
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your best bet might be to take her to court to set contact then she will not be able to stop you seeing your sons you may even get them stopping with you on weekends. depending on there ages their may be able to have a say in what their want and at the very least their will know you still care.
As for her been the worst ex, you may find a lot of people willing to put theirs ahead of her for that title.

  • gone1
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28 Aug 07 #2554 by gone1
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Hi Paul. I think I can beat your ex ha ha. Read my blog. What I would do is hit her where it hurts. In a word Money. This is usualy the only way that you can force her to see her boys. Can you stop paying the mortgage or bills or transfer the bills over? Yes I would self rep. Looks like you are in for a long battle.

But at the end of the day you didnt do this right. She may think that you were always seeing this women and hell hath no fury like a women scorned. Like me you should not have married her. She must have been OK once for you to marry her. Chris

  • sexysadie
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29 Aug 07 #2566 by sexysadie
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Hi Paul,

I disagree with Chris. I wouldn't stop paying child support etc. but keep the moral high ground by continuing to do everything you are supposed to while also continuing to push to see your boys. It's not really fair on the children to compromise their standard of living because their mother is behaving badly - it must be hard enough for them that they are not allowed to see you, and you don't want to give your ex any excuse to badmouth you when she's probably doing it already.

Applying for a formal contact order would be a good idea as you have to more or less be an axe-murderer not to get it. Even children who have witnessed one parent being seriously violent to the other are expected to have contact with that parent, and even parents who have been violent towards the children can get care, though sometimes it is only allowed if it is supervised, depending on the degree of violence. So a normal caring parent should have no problem, and, if you are prepared to put in the work, self-representing would be possible, or doing most of it with some support from a solicitor.

Don't give up: what your children really need is to know you care. Once you have re-established contact, if you can keep your cool and behave well they will be able to compare your behaviour to that of your ex and judge for themselves.

Good luck!

Sadie

  • jay160602
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29 Aug 07 #2572 by jay160602
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Paul,

you left your wife, told her you hadn't loved her for years, get shacked up with another woman & wonder why she's being a bitch? :)

The real bitches are the ones who kick you out the house, bring their new man into your home, screw you over financially & still don't let you see your kids.

  • chunks
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29 Aug 07 #2580 by chunks
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Paul,
dont lose faith and hope in seeing your kids again. Keep good records on where you have tried to contact them.

I left my wife before christmas when she became the bitch from hell.
She stopped me seeing the boys for 2 months and I took her to court.
I got good contact and now the lads are realising what happened and the lies she has told them, they both want to come and live with me.
It cost 3500.00 to get her to court but money well spent when the cafcass lady and judge rollocked her for being self centred and not putting the kids first.

good luck

  • divwiki
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29 Aug 07 #2586 by divwiki
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In the cold light of day you can probably understand where the "bitterness" is coming from.

However, withholding presents from your kids: keep a recorded delivery record of anything you send them and address it only to them. After all, theft is theft.

Hope it works out for all of you in time.

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